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Published: October 19th 2012
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"Who do you like? "Says Patrice with a dimply smile.
"Come on you can tell me, you are a beautiful woman you could have any one here..."
Weeell what I haven't told Patrice is that I've narrowed it down to three but to be honest there is no one that I like enough to really want to do anything about. Its a bit like Big Brother here.
(There's even a chicken coop with a bloody rooster that goes off at 5am to wake us up for our morning circuit – sometimes his body clock goes wrong and he goes off at 1 am and 4 am as well which is most annoying. Somedays I can think of nothing else except killing him and making a good old fashioned British roast chicken dinner. God I miss sunday lunches.)
I would have to be prepared for the fact that the news would be all around school the next day and the hot topic of conversation amongst my 18 year old friends – and also that I would then have another 3 weeks of training with them. CRINGE.
There are i suppose three, i'm ever so slightly interested in,
but over the course of the four weeks i rule them all out. The first one – I discover has a penchant for sleeping with very young Chinese school girls....nice. Strike One.
The second gets so drunk one night and furious with Camille for not wanting to sleep with him that he then goes outside and picks up the disabled homeless man that sits outside the bar, invades Camille and Felix's hotel room - undresses the homeless guy and puts him in their bed for the night...Words fail me.
Strike Two.
The third is proably the one i'm most attracted to. I toy with the idea of doing something on my third weekend at the school (minimising the time for gossiping but enough for more than just a one night stand... ) but as it happens it doesn't work out as I need to go away on a visa run on my penultimate weekend to extend my stay in China for another month. When I come back Jasmin delights in showing me some photos she took of their weekend antics when everyone got horrendously drunk and he's pictured holding his cock in his hands and standing in the bar in his underpants.
Strike Three.
The problem is that the students train hard in the week but at the weekend they go crazy – they are all young and away from home with access to random Chinese people buying them lots off free drinks . I suddenly have a flashback to me in my first year at University – downing 90% proof Peruvian liquor with Veronica my green eyed Swahili speaking wing women. We'd down a bottle of wine each before going out and then crawl home on all fours across campus before peeing in my sink and then turing around and throwing up into it. I was excactly the same its just so VERY Long ago i've forgotten. Some of these guys are even younger. This week James and Ferdinand are excused from afternoon session. They are getting their 'A' level results. HAAAAAAAAAAH!
On thursday night its Wong's 21 st birthday. We all go for a meal with all three Chinese masters in Xin Qiao. The masters are the worst at making students drink. The masters order food for everyone and we sit around the circular tables with the big spinning lazy susan in the middle. All of the platters are shared and this is how to get good at chop sticks – sit around a table with a bunch of hungry 19 year od boys who are champing at the bit to spin the food therir way. Its every man for themselves.
We eat pork dumplings with vinegar (my favourite) little crispy spring onion pancakes, intestine and cabbage – rubbery! And chicken with mushroom. The maters insist on everyone drinking a shot of Baiju the 75% proof evil rice liquor. I simply refuse but I feel sorry for the boys its hard for young boys to refuse a drink at the best of times let alone from your master who will take great offense if you do and is training you for the rest of the year!
On the way back Camille and I eat ice cream and talk about how nice it is not to be in a relationship....and the no strings fun that comes with it...
"It eez so nice to be free" she says.
"I think you should have get it on with Wong ."I say – "he's the best looking guy here AND he's the Kung Fu master – and he has an AMAZING body."
He's also the right age for her (unlike me.) I think she agrees because soon after that I notice they seem to be getting close.
Later in the week the boys are say
" Where's Wong " when he's late to turn up for class after lunch break.
"Afternoon session" I mutter under my breath – they are all a litte bit too inexperienced bless them to have worked it out.
"J'accuse!!!" i say to her when she finally appears slightly rumpled...
"Oh yes?" she says - large chocolate eyes widening innocently...
I'm just not at a stage in my life where i can have casual sex. I've had plenty of fun in the past - most recently when i split up with my last boyfriend. But these days i'm looking for something more meaningful. Bad timing during a year travelling I guess.
Also after "nothing doing" for 5 months my body has decided to treat me to a 3 week long period. And in 40 degree heat whilst exercising for six hours a day in a country where you cannot find a tampon for love nor money i can tell you it really doesn't help get you in the mood...
After the period from hell decided I start reading "50 shades of Grey."
Terrible book choice for someone who now hasn't had sex for 3 months and is surrounded by horny 18-21 year olds....
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