Mocking

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Mocking. I hate mocking. If there is anything I can not stand in this world it's mocking. When I was little people used to do it in school. I couldn't stand it then so I learned to stick up for myself. Throughout all the teasing I would stick up for myself. I even taught others to stick up for themselves and learn to cope with the teasing. But then I could handle the mocking because I didn't really have to worry about it. It wasn't my problem because they weren't my friends. The second person who used to do it was my roommate's boyfriend Evan. I hated him doing it because the two of us were friends. For the longest time I couldn't handle it at all when he did it even though he insisted it was simply his nature to mock and tease his friends. In the end I finally figured out how to handle it. Now Camillo, Alex, Eason and many of the people I am close friends with mock and tease me all the time. But when someone I don't know at all does it I still can't handle it. It almost feels like what I would imagine it would feel like for a white man to call a black man the n word. Last night I went home and was really pissed off because the girl (I think she's a girl although she has no chest at all and they were joking about whether she was a girl so I'm not really sure) who is possibly Camillo's cousin, again I have no idea, asked Camillo if I could speak Chinese even though he and I had been sitting there for quite some time speaking Chinese. It really made me angry. I hate it when people do that. Can she speak Chinese? As if I'm some mute that they're having around for fun who can't speak to anyone. Why would I be there? Why would I be here if I couldn't speak Chinese. Honestly. Answer me that much. Tonight it was the mocking. It started off with Camillo's cousin saying my name "Darby" she laughed as she said it. "What's her name?" the new girl asked Camillo. He didn't answer so I said "Darby." The new girl laughed and then asked again what my name was. "Darby." Camillo answered after a little while. Then about a minute later "Where is she from?" Instead of not saying anything this time Camillo responded "I don't know." I looked up from eating and he had a smile on his face. "America" I responded. "Oh, America" Camillo responded still smiling. "You don't even know where your so called friend is from? If I were your friend I wouldn't handle that. I can't believe you don't even know where she's from," she continued like this for a little while until Camillo turned to her with his fist raised "If you keep going I'll…" "What, hit me? He's threatening to hit me." She continued to mock him. Then Alex brought up the "angry" thing again. I had called earlier to ask Eason if he was angry at me and maybe it was the way I said it or something but he thought it was a bit comical. When I walked in the door with Camillo Eason brought it up again and now it was Alex's turn. But unfortunately now it was the cousin and the "new girl" who were laughing along with the joke. Alex continued to tell these mocking jokes about me and the two girls continued to laugh. Until I decided to leave. I couldn't handle it.

Camillo just called. I've been sitting here for two hours and Camillo just called. It's 1:30am. "Are you okay?" he asks in English and Chinese. "Yeah. I just left and didn't say anything. I'm okay … I just don't like it when people do that." "Do what?" I paused looking for the words "mock" or "tease" in Chinese but I didn't know how to say them. "See you don't even know what they did! Don't get angry if you don't even know what people did! They weren't saying 'angry' because of you, they were talking about something else." He started getting angry at me. But this time it wasn't really because I had done something wrong but more because he was frustrated about things. I hung up with him still in a tiff and whispered to myself "I love you too Camillo."

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