I like 'em SSF. Strong, Silent & Foreign

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She simply sets her stuff down and washes her hands. (*which I'm super thankful for later)

No consent forms. Only a hand sign for face up, and one for face down.

There's no pressure of seeing each other...ever again. A calm in the air, I just brewed Green Tea...I mean actually, red wine is sooo good. Dimmed lights, 6,000 miles from home in a luxury suite overlooking Beijing, I'm warmed by a plush robe with the fantastical anticipation of the impending Egyptian cotton sheets (real good ones, too), I lay down and set the ipad to shuffle.

She flips the switch! This little Dragon Lady turns into 'Sasha' the 300lb Russian man that might hate woman who karate chopped, pulled, pushed and proded. She slapped, punched, cupped and puckered, knuckeled and kneeded my body for 110 minutes with the optional oil treatment, which I obviously took.

Just as I'm sinking into a painful obvilion, Billie Jean is in rotation* ...suddenly, there are fingers in holes, like her fingers, in my holes. From an innocent temple, skull chop/rub down to all around my nose which was questional, under my eyes and then my ears, as in: inside my ears! C'mon, that's almost too much to assume, right? On the contrary, I see all the elder people getting their ear canal's groomed straight out in the park in the middle of the day, maybe it's me that needs to adapt? That dripping candle thing looks intriguing and if I could meet some friends in the park afterward, I might do it.

"Lady. Lady, hello? Lady, HELLO" followed by a firm but deliberate hard poke.

me: "mmmm, yea, whaa?" I crack my eyes, the money was laid out..."shei shei".

The whisper of the door slams me back into reality! $hit, fa real? I came to China by myself...for how long, wait...why?!





Everyone's first question:

Q: Why?

A: short answer-I needed to.

My mission this trip:

A: get a Chinese name. period.

B: get more public grooming

Update: I've been here for 2 nights. I totally call her again, for another 110 minutes at $180 RMB (about $30 USD) here's what I did different the next night: add some Whitney Houston (RIP) to my shuffle and thank my lucky Groupon stars for those hair removal sessions, it really is an investment.

*Shout out to Jules for the last time I karaok'ed, this was my song. That seriously was so much fun! Thanks for shovelling me into the taxi with a fistfull of cash lady, I love the voicebox, yay!! xx muah!

I promise, I end up doing more than just getting massages, even though that would be hard to tell so far. ;-)

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Photos

I cannot lie about how good it was

Inside the Forbidden City

The next 18 hours:
Option 1: JLo velour suit pant set
Option 2: not pajamas. btw, I do this on the way home, spill wine on jean during turbulance, its' bad.