Riding in and around Cambodia

---

Day 1 - From Nam to Cambodia

With only 20km to the Vietnam/Cambodia boarder we had one last chance to squeeze in a Vietnamese roll. This time it was roasted pork belly, probably one for the record books. Mal of course turned up his nose and had a roll with cucumber and soy sauce. I wasn't sure what to expect riding a motorbike into Cambodia, I've heard you need a letter from the original owner, that I have no chance or that we should be OK but we will need to bribe. Coming up to the boarder was pretty funny, its like a competition between Cambodia and Vietnam for the best propaganda signs. Using my usual approach of just being nice to all the officials and making a few jokes we crossed without even paying a bribe, a few of them just wanted a look at the GoPro. I swear I could ride nude and people would still just point at the camera. Straight away Cambodia was off the charts amazing, the roads aren't as insanely busy with trucks and busses. Plus the scenery was endless rice fields with palm trees all through them. Mal and I decided to ride onto a rice field to take a photo, as Mal smashed through a ditch his pack rack snapped and smashed his tail light. Absolute gold. Although after having my laugh I noticed Mal's bike now looks more like a bobber with its seat cut down. I hate Mal's bike. While cruising along after that we noticed a Buddha temple at the top of a hill, it was like 4wd tracks up there so we were loving it. Mal claimed a mono, but I have my serious doubt's. Trying to find something on the roadside for captain fussy is even more of an issue in Cambodia, today's menu was bananas. Woohoo.... I figured we could at least eat them on the beach so we found a little track which looked like it went down. We found only farmers so banged a U-turn, but before we could get out a farmer noticed us and wanted us to follow him. He literally took us to one of the nicest spots I've been. It was a tiny little hut out on the water surrounded by palm trees and the ocean, he even set the hammocks up for us. I just can't get over how nice all the locals are. Next stop was Sihanoukville. It's pretty touristy, but you can see why, its a stunning coastal town with heaps of islands to do trips off to. We're heading out to Koh Rong island to spend a night tomorrow, our asses could use a day in the ocean.

Day 2 - Dead set paradise

To get out to Koh Rong islands we booked the ferry which takes around 2 hours. In typical Cambodian style it was just some shit can 2 story boat without any seats. With our asses killing from all the riding 2 hours on the hard deck was exactly what we were after. Coming up to the island is pretty amazing, it's a jungle island surrounded by crystal clear water. As for the village, it's made up of all these funky little bars and shops, nothing touristy at all apart from the Padi dive center. Kind of looks like a hippy village. Most of the accommodation is private bungalows scattered amongst the tress along the beach. I was instantly in love with this island, and with perfect blue sky's it was set to be a solid day. The stupid hotel who booked our bungalow told me we were staying in the furthermost bungalows on the island, so in boiling hot sun we carted our luggage along the beach, only to find out that we were up the opposite side of the beach. If the lady on reception spoke better English I would of rang her back and ripped holes through her. Our bungalow ended up being on the top of the hill with seriously the most amazing views I've ever had by miles. Only drama was one bed between the 2 of us, but I couldn't care less. We spent the day just checking the beaches out, snorkeling and walking through parts of the jungle. I will say the water is actually so warm it's barely refreshing. Cambodians put on these awesome BBQs for dinner at the front of the bars. It's so good eating some locally caught seafood after weeks of rice and noodles. Mal even ate chicken off a bone for the first time since he was 8 years old, and had a bite of seafood. Boy is he growing up fast. After Mal went to bed I stayed up and partied with some English guys I met in Nam, the chilled out vibe of the island is unbeatable. I'd been hearing about this famous glowing algae that comes out about 1am. In my head I pictured the water glowing blue and couldn't wait to get an awesome picture. 1am rolls around and I'm informed you need to swim right out and flap your arms around to watch it glow. It was actually pretty cool, but a let down for what I was expecting. After that it was back to the honeymoon suite. Both Mal and I were happy to see this island before it becomes the next bullshit tourist hotspot, at the moment its just a tiny little chilled out village and all the locals are super friendly and don't even try and sell you damn fake sunglasses. I guess as what happens to all these places is they get a name, then the developers move in. Koh Rong has an airport, casino, 5 star resort and a golf course all approved. Very sad in my opinion.

Day 3 - Back to city life

Turned out we were so lucky picking the day at Koh Rong are did, as we woke up to filthy black storm clouds. Our ferry was booked back to the mainland for 10am. I was already worried about us making it to Phnom Penh before dark as Mal is essentially blind when the sun fades. As we're sitting under the 'wait here for the ferry' sign at about 9:45 a guy rolls over and asks what we're waiting for. "We have the 10am ferry booked", "oh you mean that ferry?" pointing out to a ferry traveling away from the island, "it was full so they left early". Honestly sometimes these countries can do your head in.... So we had a choice of staying another night or trying our luck on the fast ferry, which took off just as the guy pointed at it. As the weather was shit we decided to roll the dice on the fast ferry. By the time we made it to the mainland I was very worried about the time. The riding was just crap highway riding, and to top it off we were pummeled for hours by the worst kind of stingy rain. It's honestly the first time for the trip the bus looked good. To add to the enjoyment my chain flew off again, and Mal ran out of fuel. It was getting seriously dark with about 20km to the city before we hit traffic that is impossible to describe. Unlike Saigon where it was insane but there was a system to it, Phnom Penh was mental with no system. It was just a grid lock of scooters, cars trucks and busses facing every direction. To make things more interesting the roads were absolutely flogged. I saw more pot holes in that 20km than I have in my life, some of them deep enough to swallow your bike. I came so close to binning it after bailing onto the footpath at the front of a bank, as I gassed it to come back onto the road the rear wheel spun and I nearly high sided onto the road. Both feet were off and I only had one hand on the bars. Definitely didn't help I was Google mapping at the time. By the time we reached the hotel it was pitch black. It actually took us 1.5 hours to ride the 20km. Absolute horse shit of a days ride.

Day 4 - Tourists

After our marathon day on the bikes yesterday we were both glad to be doing a tourist day, the plan was to check out S21 (school converted into a prison used to torture and Cambodians under the Khmer Rouge regime) and the Killing Fields (where prisoners were taken to be killed and buried into mass graves). Before I get into the sad part of the day I will mention the riding out to the killing fields. If you were able to move a road from Phnom Penh to a state forest in Australia you would complain to our government how bad the roads are maintained in the forest. You have to keep reminding yourself you're actually in a capital city. Some of the pot holes are big enough for you to drop in, and not come out the other side. My rear brake assembly snapped off, one of the mirrors fell off and Mal's headlight smashed in all the bumps. I noticed these 2 well dressed locals sitting next to a massive pot hole full of mud and water, it took every bit of my strength to not lean back and gas it. Probably safer not to mess with the locals too much... I honestly have no idea how a city can function with roads that hammered. Anyway back to the touristy stuff. First stop was S21 which is interesting because it remains largely unchanged since it was shut down. Its basically 4 large buildings, each 3 stories high. They were converted into prisoner holding cells where Cambodians were taken to be tortured into confessing to being a traitor to the regime. Out of around 20,000 people who went into the facility, only 7 made it out alive. So it just shows how brutal the torture was, guilty or not nearly everyone confessed. Only one of the 4 buildings is exactly as they found it, the rest are memorials to the dead. There are thousands of photos of the prisoners. The facility even had one very unlucky Australian tortured there. Once the prisoners finally confessed they were put into a truck and sent to the killing fields, at its height over 300 Cambodians per day were sent from S21 to the killing fields, which was our next stop for the day. The killing fields are only about 15kms from the city center, and its very hard to imagine what went on there as you ride up. All of the original buildings that were on the site were tore down by the locals following the fall of Khmer Rouge. So you are given an audio guide to listen to. I don't want to go into to much detail as I imagine most people wouldn't want to read about it. I will say that they estimate there are 20,000 people buried in mass graves at the site, these include men, women and children. The most sickening part for me was listening to how babies were killed in front of their mothers against the "killing tree". It's the most inhumane and disgusting thing I've heard in all my travels, which even include a trip to a Nazi concentration camp. Under this regime they estimate 3 million Cambodians were murdered. I'm constantly reminded how lucky we are in Australia. Mal and I both walked out in silence.

Day 5 - More pot holes

Mal started the day complaining about how his shoes smell like actual shit. I reminded him about riding through all the human sewerage on the way into the city, the look on his face was priceless. Those shoes were 'accidentally' left behind. After ticking the touristy boxes in Phnom Penh it was time to leave the city, I'm hoping that's the last big city for my trip. We decided to just put in a solid days riding so we could get all the way to Siem Reap which was 316km away. Having done similar distances I knew we were in for a long day. The first 1.5 hours was more of Cambodia's finest roads, basically a thin strip is asphalt down the middle with dirt roads on either side. So you spend the whole time jumping between the dirt and asphalt depending on which is slightly better, most of the time its neither and you just have to attempt to absorb the pot holes using the fantastic pogo stick suspension. How we didn't get a flat I will never know. Mal rode up to me cracking the shits because he couldn't see through his visor and if he lifted the visor up the helmet would fly off his head and hang by the chin strap around his neck. This was of course great news for me but we pulled over for a look. He was about to rip the visor clean off before he noticed a little bit of plastic, seems the retard never peeled off his visor protector. Haha. After spending about 30min trying to find a place for lunch that was up to captain fussys standards I noticed a restaurant which the busses stopped at. Mal hardly even looks at the menu then claims he's having an ice cream for lunch, I swear it's like I'm the dad and he's my son sometimes. So we argue about how he's being ridiculous which got us nowhere. The menu even had fried rice, and a vegetable noodles but still it was a no. So I gave up and ordered my lunch while my son sat down with choc chip cookies, a can of coke and an ice cream. After lunch my bikes chain flew off again. Its become daily entertainment, only this time the chain adjusters can't go any tighter so I will haven to deal with that soon. My favorite moment for the day had to be while Mal as we overtook a truck at full speed. I noticed a large rock shoot out from the truck, after that everything went into slow motion as I watched the rock, bounce, bounce, then hit my little toe at around 80km/h. I was in thongs... I'm surprised Mal couldn't hear me whimpering like a little girl over the truck noise. I was positive I was going to look down and see my toe facing the wrong way, my god for such a little tow it must have plenty of nerves in it. In the end the riding wasn't as painfully long as expected, we arrived in Siem Reap around 4pm which meant we were on the road for about 8 hours. We're both pumped for the next few days because we don't have to travel. We can ditch the big bags and ride around Siem Reap exploring Angkor Wat and the other sites.

Day 6 - Phnom Koulen

The day kicked off with a traditional Cambodian breakfast of Heinz backed beans and fried eggs. I know I've been giving Mal heaps about trying local food, but boy was I happy with real baked beans. There is hundreds of different tours and things to do from Siem Reap and you get hassled constantly for tuk tuks and massages. Mal and I had to laugh at one guy saying "hello sir, you need tuk tuk? Come with free condom" now that's genius marketing. We decided to ride the bikes out to Phnom Koulen national park for the day. It's so bloody good having no bags on the back, bike feels like an absolute weapon. On the ride out to the park we zoomed past heaps of the ruins in the Ankor park which was awesome to see, plus the countryside along the way was sweet to look at. More endless rice fields. I wasn't expecting Cambodia to be so flat, it's like the whole country is under 10cm of water for rice farming. These amazing roads probably lasted the first hour and as long as you missed the potholes it was smooth sailing. That was until we hit the dirt roads near the park. The poor bikes are copping a hammering on the Cambodian rides. I actually jarred my wrists hitting a pothole that hard, there is just no way to avoid it. By the time we reached the park my bike had started jumping out of gear, but more on that later... Phnom Koulen park reminds me of the lion king riding in, very cool views before you head deep into the jungle. The security guard at the gate doubles as a tour guide so we flipped him some money and he jumped on the back of my bike, I was actually embarrassed by how bad my bike sounded. First he took us to holy mountain to see some giant lying down bhudda which was cool, but the view over the whole park was better to see. They also sold weird illegal medicine made from animals. The guide kept hassling me about trying dog for lunch "very good for you, make blood go hot". I was wondering how I could trick Mal into sampling. Then we went to the most holy place in the park where natural spring water comes out of the ground, it's supposed to be magic water or something. Anyway the Cambodians really believe in it. Then we headed to some amazing waterfalls. Given the lack of OH&S in this country you can do what you like, I tried swimming right under but started freaking out because I couldn't breath. Mal and I even managed to climb behind the waterfall which was highly dodgy but well worth it. The ride home was basically trying to nurse my bike, it's officially one very sick piece of machinery. Google "bucket of bolts" and my bike will be number one result. I was trying to deny it, but I can't anymore. Think the gear box has had it. We did manage to stop at a land mine museum and learn about the wonderful work a group of volunteers is doing to rid Cambodia of these horrific things. You learn about all the poor children maimed or killed while playing in the fields. You also learn about another country where good old America has done incomprehensible things. Estimated 600,000 Cambodian civilians killed during bomb raids just to stop Vietnamese supply lines. At dinner Mal mentioned he wanted to try something a bit spicy, so I flicked out a piece of chilli from my Thai dish. I was crying watching him nibble on it because I knew how hot they were. Instantly his face went red and he was nearly screaming in pain. I'm laughing again just writing about it. He claims it's the hottest thing in his life. As we walked outside a bug flew in his eye so the retard rubs it with his chilli finger. Hahaha. Last stop for the day was those fish that nibble on your feet. Anyone who knows me will know how ticklish I am. My god those stupid fish were like torture, I felt retarded squirming around. Tomorrow we're heading to Ankor Wat at sunrise, I've been looking forward to seeing this temple for years so I can't wait.

Day 7 - Temple overload

So it was up at 4:30am to start the day. The only time I see this hour of the day in the last 8 months has been while drunk somewhere. First stop of the day was Ankor Wat. Basically you stand with hundreds of other tourists for an hour while the sky gets lighter. Both Mal and I were very pissed off while waiting with all the Chinese pushing to the front and the people who think they're professional photographers adjusting light settings on their ridiculous cameras. There was never a "oh my god" moment, the sky just kind of gets lighter. Not sure if it was worth it, but it's a cool thing to say we've done. Ankor Wat is pretty sweet to walk around, but its so big that it's hard to see everything. Hard to imagine how they make the whole temple float. Before we left my guts had woken up big time so I rushed off the the toilets thinking it's my best bet for the day to score a decent toilet. Instead it was a wooden shack with a hole to squat over and a bucket of water, no bog roll at all or a sink to wash your hands. Perfect. Over the day it felt like we stopped at 50 temples, all impressive in their own right. But after the first 10 you get very sick of it. Walking up and down the stairs in the sun wears you down big time. Both of our favorite temple was Ta Promh, it's the one with all the trees growing through the walls and where the filmed part of Tomb Raider. Before we knew it the time was 4pm and the only person in the Tuk Tuk that was slightly excited was Ong our driver, we both wanted to go home while Ong was like "you see more temple". The last stop for the day was the floating villages which is a typical tourist trap. We had to pay $20 each (the tuk tuk was only $20 for the whole day), then after cruising in the boat for 20min we had to get in a canoe and pay another $10. Stitch up. The lake you cruise around is massive, but it's basically just flooded paddocks. The villages themselves were actually really interesting. The whole village is built on stilts and you use canoes to get around. They even had a school and police station. I just Can't imagine how you could live on water all your life. By the time we got back to the tuk tuk it was pitch black. Mal and I were both asleep for the ride home which isn't the safest place to fall asleep. Easily the longest tour day of my life I think. Ended up being over 14 hours and we hardly got a break.

Day 8 - Robbed

Finally we had another day to just chill out. Siem Reap has some cool markets to check out and I was hoping to find a new hat. The night before at the bar some scum bag ripped my hat off and ran away through the crowd. I assumed it was someone having a laugh so was slow to react. Who the hell steals a hat? Unfortunately the best I could find was a hat with "I love Cambodia" on it, and not wanting to be that kind of tourist I decided against it. I haven't had a haircut in months so I now look like a member of the Beatles walking around. Then it was time to take my bike to the mechanics. Its impossible to get across what's wrong with it, but I managed to get him to ride it and see for himself. I was still sure there was something wrong with the gear box. When I went to get it a few hours later I couldn't understand what they did. It at least got a new chain and sprockets, swing arm bearings and a service. Honestly is running like brand new again and all for only $12. Unbelievable! When I rolled back into the hostel which has a pool and beach bar they had free kegs going. The only time I walked anywhere but the bar or the toilet for the rest of the day was to see Mal for dinner. His spaghetti bolognese counter for the trip has to be approaching 10. Really getting amongst the local cuisines he is.

Day 9 - More temples

Today Mal and I organised for Ong our amazing tuk tuk driver to take us around to the temples and sites we hadn't already seen. Neither of us exactly skipped to the tuk tuk with excitement but I will probably never visit Siem Reap again so we decided to do a second day. The best part of the morning was that after giving me heaps for my bike breaking down again the day before, Mal had to push his to the mechanic. For some reason it wasn't starting. On the way out to the temple we remembered we hadn't stopped for fuel in hours, boy was I preying that Mal who is a mechanic by trade had handed his bike in empty on fuel. The temples we visited were in the outer loop of Ankor so at least we could relax in the tuk tuk for most of the day, once again it was baking hot and humid. Once again our favorite temples were the ones deep in the jungles, they look so cool with all the trees growing through them. The thing that wears you down mentally is the persistent children selling postcards. All day it's "Sir you like to buy a postcard? It's ten for one dollar. See 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. You buy for one dollar". They use this unbelievably irritating whiny voice so it drives you mental. Every stop you get surrounded and they won't take no for an answer. You feel really sorry for them but if you give one a dollar then you get harassed even more. The last stop was the war museum which had all sorts of Soviet and American weapons, which as our guide put correctly "all very bad, just used for killing people". His story was absolutely incredible. When he was 7 years old him and all his family were taken to a killing field. He watched his 2 brothers, his sister and both his parents bashed over the head and thrown into a mass grave. Because he was young he wasn't tied up so he managed to escape into the jungle, where he lived alone for 2 years eating leaves and insects. At 9 he was recruited into the army because he was promised food. He was sent straight into active combat where he fought through the 4 wars in Cambodia. He had been shot 3 times and blown up by a land mine twice, one of which blinded him for 6 years until the UN were able to restore 60% vision in one eye. The same mine blast also blew one of his legs off so he now has a fake leg. He shows you all the ball bearings still under his skin. Recently his wife passed away with TB which the government did nothing to help, so now he drives 50km each day to get tips off people as a guide around the museum. Absolutely incredible story, if I was a writer I would love to write about his story.

Day 10 - Loner again

I'm not going to lie, I was disappointed to hear that Mal's bike wasn't just out of fuel. As he walked up he noticed the cam chain and sprockets hanging off the bars. Turns out by fluke his bikes cam chain must of snapped as we turned it off at the hotel. Mal's brain correctly went straight to "how much is this going to cost me?". Considering we no longer needed the bike it was going to be wasted money. Once again we were blown away by the price. All new sprockets, cam chain, adjustment wheel and an oil change for $17. Mal even managed to sell them the bike for $50. They were happy, and so was Mal. Sadly Mal's time in Cambodia was over, I followed the tuk tuk so I could make sure everything was OK with the flight, and provide some advise on how to survive Saigon airport. So once again I'm alone, definitely going to miss having someone to experience everything with and most of all laugh at. Some of my funniest times in weeks have been laughing with (at) Mal. My plan when I returned to the hostel was to work out my plans for where I'm heading next and have a day to get ready to get back on the road. As soon as I walk into the hostel two English guys who I've had hilarious times with randomly through Cambodia are sitting at the pool with that look in their eye. Before I know it I'm in rounds of beers, which turned into jugs and shots. It's always funny to see what happens at a hostel when a group starts drinking and pressuring others to join. Within the hour the entire hostel is around the pool drinking. The hostel even has a 15 meter beer bong attached to the roof two floors up. The hostel filled it with Sex on the Beach and I knew my planning day was over. It was like having a cocktail fire hose in your mouth. It was one of the funniest random days drinking I've had in along time. Nearly no one actually made it out of the hostel and the two English guys who had a 2:30am bus to Bangkok were spotted so drunk at 2:00am they couldn't pick their bags up. I tried to show off with some drunk flips and apparently brushed my hair passed the pool edge it was so close (no problems mum).

Day 11 - Booze cruise

So with my planning day an absolute write off I needed to sort it out today. As I was now forced to stay an extra night I also had no choice but to join the booze cruise planned for that day, after spending my day forcing others to join the drinking yesterday I knew I had absolutely no chance of avoiding it. I didn't mind because the crew of people at the hostel were some of the funniest I've met in all my travels. It's interesting how little Australians there are in South East Asia, I'm guessing it has something to do with it being summer. Luckily the cruise didn't start until 2pm so I just needed my brain damage to settle down and I was able to figure it out. The plan has been all along to continue into Thailand and head down to the islands to do my Padi diving course. Lately all the stories I've heard about the Thailand islands is it's peak season and it's a massive party. I know I would love it, but really want to spend my last two weeks relaxing on an island scuba diving and fishing. So I decided to head back to Koh Rong which is the perfect place to live like a hippy. Speaking to a Dutch girl, Bibi about her plans she said she was heading to Koh Rong as well so just like that I had a passenger. Love the randomness of traveling. I probably should of asked how big her bag was, but that is a tomorrow issue. Today is all about booze cruising. Once again the whole hostel was in involved so with the addition of free drinks it was game on again. They label it a "cultural booze cruise", but even the hostel manager laughed and said we just quickly stop at a crocodile farm for a look. The rest of the day is drinking and jumping off the third story roof of the boat. Once again drunk I tried to show off with a black out, this time slipping on my last step on the metal roof. I couldn't tell you which way I spun, but I ended up on my stomach. I even convinced Bibi to get on my back so we could attempt a two person flip, once again it was my stomach copping the worst of my under rotation. Bibi was left with a slapped face. I claim it was the slippery roofs fault. Before I new it half thew boat was naked watching the sunset and we had finished the beers. The hostel manager said that was a first time either had happened in all it's years. Seriously hilarious crew.

Day 12 - Dutch passenger

When I woke up, boy was I glad to be leaving the party hostel. All I was worried about over breakfast was how the hell I was going to get 2 big backpacks on the bike, plus two people. Its a battle some days by myself. Even if I managed to squeeze everything on, not sure how the pogo stick suspension was going to react. It took maybe 20 minutes before I could work out a system that should work. With the bags stacked sideways and on top of each other the bike certainly looks ridiculous. As expected I could hardly steer with all the extra weight at the back. I just had to take it slowly for the first hour before I worked out how to keep it in a straight line. If I was getting looks for the last few weeks, I'm now getting stares. Before I know it the bike is down on power and we're pulling in for my daily trip to the mechanics. It was a very funny stop, once again no one couldn't understand each other and the locals thought it was the funniest thing they'd seen. With Bibi being blonde and blue eyes I no longer get any attention from the locals. Time to dump her at the next stop. Haha. Luckily the mechanic who mustn't of been not a day over 14 fixed what ever was wrong with the back breaks and we were off. All he wanted was 25 cents. I gave him $5 and the whole family was over the moon, love this country. Apart from being rained on again it was a pretty incident free day, apart from constantly fixing the bags. The bike is still not well, I'm pretty sure it's third gear that is causing the issue so I'm going to attempt to show a mechanic tomorrow and hope once again he can fix it. The next part of the ride is more remote so gear box issues aren't ideal. I will get this damn bike to my final day even if I have to push it. We decided to spend a couple of nights in Battambang to have a look around and fix the bike.

Day 13 - Battambang

With the next few days of riding set to be a little more remote I definitely wanted to get third gear fixed on the motorbike properly. I typed "third gear broken in gearbox" into Google translate and hopped that would be enough. We ended up pushing the motorbike around to about 4 different mechanics, each one just looking at the brand new chain and sprockets. I keep trying to show the translation in my phone but the just ignore it for some reason. I was beyond frustrated before luckily, in typical Cambodian style, just when all hope is lost an English speaking tuk tuk driver rolled over and translated for me. For the first time I was shocked by the price, it was going to be $100 to fix. Absolutely no chance. I still wasn't happy about leaving the gearbox with broken parts floating around so the guy agreed to pull it apart and see what he could do for $15. Then it was time to visit Battambangs number one tourist attraction, the Bamboo Train. Here I was thinking it would be a cool old steam train through a bamboo Forrest. You will have to look at the photo to see what a Cambodian train (word train used very loosely) looks like. It's just some train wheels and axels, with a bamboo platform sitting on top. All powered by a lawn mower engine. The tracks are so rough that you nearly fly off all the way and every time a 'train' comes the other way you get off so they can throw one of the trains into the bushes. Apparently you can take the train 300km to Phnom Penh which takes 5 days. After that bone crushing adventure we picked up the motorbike from the mechanics and headed to check out the bat caves. They didn't sound all that thrilling until a local explained "not millions, billions of bats fly to catch insects". As soon as it hits sunset a constant swarm of bats fly out for 10 - 15 minutes which I will admit was pretty unbelievable to see. Only sucked when the stream went over your head and it felt like it was raining... Then it was back on the Honda for the easy 30 minute ride back. I go to flick on the headlight (which I just had repaired), and nothing. Screw this bike sometimes. So now I had to sit right up another scooters ass and look past into his headlight in an attempt to see potholes. By the time we got back my eyes were full of dirt and the bats dinner.

Day 14 - Banged up Abroad

I honestly don't know how to write about the next two days without looking like someone off one of those episodes of banged up abroad which you think "they deserve that if they're that stupid". I will say in our defense before I start that I'm used to roadside shops being readily available and Google maps being correct. So anyway the plan was to ride to Koh Kong down on the southern coast of Cambodia near the Thailand boarder. Google maps showed a road through a national park which looked windy and amazing with a time to destination of 5 hours. I knew better than to trust the times and guessed it would be a full days ride so made sure we were on the road by 9am. The first hour was standard asphalt riding. We then took a road off the main road as Google advised and headed directly south towards Koh Kong. The first hour was stunning. I would of guessed we were riding on safari in Africa. Apart from a few washed away sections of roads and one ditch that I swear nearly snapped the bike in two we were on top of the world and making great time. You could see the Cambodian mountains approaching. I even mentioned to Bibi how excited I was to finally get into some mountains after only seeing the flat landscapes of Cambodia. If only I had of known... Over the next 30 minutes the roads basically turned into the most ridiculous 4wd drive tracks I have ever seen in my life. If I was on a dirt bike it would of been tough going. On a 100cc Honda Win with cheese cutter road tyres, no suspension, two 60lt back packs and a passenger made it borderline impossible. Our average speed was now down below walking pace, but with Google maps showing a main road ahead we had no option to press on. At this point we were both dying laughing as we took it in turns slipping into the bog holes, and even laughed when Bibi mentioned we had no water or food. Hilarious. From this point we just got deeper into the jungle and the mud turned into that insanely sticky mud. Bibi was now walking while I was revving the rings out of the bike trying to make progress. Without the help of the locals that would of been the end of the trip. The wheels were jammed with mud and with all the weight on the back I was getting stuck in everything. A couple of the locals even helped for a solid 30min until we got out of the worst bits. They're honestly the nicest people I've ever met. I started to seriously stress once one of the locals pointed at a cut on my leg and quickly got some leaves to rub it with. All I was thinking about was the other 50 cuts we must have under the mud on our legs after being shredded by some ferns. Bibi and I were no longer laughing about having no water. I could hardly swallow anymore, the humidity was killing us. At one point I asked Bibi how far to the main road, she said we were already on it. That can't be right. It must of been this point when the bike dropped into a mud pit made of glue, and when I revved the chain flew off. With ever bit of strength we both had left we tried pushing but couldn't even move it, the front wheel was jammed with shit. I was collapsed on my back when a local came around to help. Even with 3 of us it took ages to free. He suggested Bibi get on his scooter with him to reduce the weight on my bike. I was trying to keep up with them but the front wheel quickly jammed again. I frantically tried to free the mud while I watched Bibi disappear with a random Cambodian into the jungle. Our own episode of banged up abroad. How the hell was I going to explain what happened? Once again I should know better than to doubt the locals. When they came back for me I was half way through taking the mud guard off. He loved it when I threw it into the corn fields in a fit of rage. We had both reached the point of begging anyone for water now, so we nearly cried when we hit a tiny village. I don't think I even swallowed once as I poured 2lt down my throat. The lady even had 2 minute noodles and filled the bike with petrol. We asked he how long to Koh Kong and she said it was 5 more hours, so technically we were at the same point as we started the day. It was 3:30pm and we still figured we could make it. Although the roads were still tough going over the next few hours, I was in third (slipping the clutch in fourth) most of the way. The mountain ranges we rode though actually made what we had been through worth it. If I was a poet or a painter I could of created something very special, but I'm not so this shitty blog will have to do. We rode through some of the most remote villages I have ever seen, and once again the kids smiling and waving made everything seem OK. Although the sunset was the most stunning I think I've ever seen I couldn't help but think about the headlight I didn't get fixed. Bibi said she had a flashlight so we were all good. Once I could no longer see we whipped it out. A candle would of been better. Lucky we were nearly there I guess. We hit an intersection and asked the locals which way to Koh Kong, they all just started laughing. I asked how long and a guy said 8 hours. Clearly didn't understand the question. Once again it was a local who found us and told me to ride in front of him so we could see. He even took us to a mechanics in the next little village to get it fixed. Bibi and I were still determined to make it so I just wanted a new globe and to be on our way. This time I think it was to solenoids that had to be replaced which took an hour. This would turn out to be a blessing in disguise. It was now 8:30pm so all hope of Koh Kong was lost. Luckily this tiny village had a guesthouse which after the day we had looked like a 5 star resort. So that completed 11.5 hours of riding in the bush.

Day 15 - Stranded

Starting to day with an amazing breakfast looking out over the mountains we both agreed it was a great idea to stop for the night. My arms and legs were completely stuffed, but that was nothing to how my back felt. I must of looked like a 80 grandpa lurching around. One of the workers spoke English and said the roads to Koh Kong were in pretty good shape and it only took two and a half hours. We would be sitting on the beach by lunchtime finally. Sitting back on the bike in the morning was the last thing we wanted to do but with no other options we took off. It only took 30min before it started again. We rounded a corner and saw a sea of ruts, bog holes and stuck bikes. Roads are better my ass. If we hadn't endured yesterdays ride it would of been some of the worst roads I've seen, but today neither of us battered an eyelid as we approached. My goal for the day was to keep my thongs on, that was until the first bog hole where I blew yet another double plug. The big difference with today's riding was the hills. With all the weight on the back it takes all my strength to keep forward enough to keep the front wheel down. I can't even describe how bad it handles. Then coming down the hills is just plain scary. I couldn't figure out why it felt funny at the front end until I noticed the handle bar mounts are badly wobbling in the head set. They looked like they could fly out at any time. What next? It was about 2:00pm (4 hours into the 2.5 hour journey before we took a wrong turn and had to back track, we were both mentally depressed so stopped for lunch. Luckily the kid who worked there said we had found the correct road, but both our smiles disappeared when he said 5 hours to go. I swear I looked around expecting to see candid camera. Bibi and I just cracked up laughing, we must of been delirious or something. The next hour was riding along what must of been logging roads, they were a massive upgrade on what we had been through. The jungle looked exactly like Jurassic Park. As we rounded a corner the road turned to concrete, we were screaming with excitement. Finally we were nearly out of this jungle. That joy was very short lived. We rounded maybe two more corners and hit dirt again, then as we went passed some road workers I pulled the clutch in and the bike stalled. First time that's happened... I then dumped the clutch to roll start and the wheel locked up. As we pulled over Bibi asked why we were stopping. How do I tell her it's game over? "Ahhh.. The bikes dead", "really", "very dead". The kick starter feeling like it was welded in place confirmed my assumptions. That poor bike has been through absolute hell and I'm surprised it made it that far to be honest, obviously 2 days of revving in a Cambodian jungle had been the lethal bullet. Even though are spent many hours at mechanics it was sad to think we wouldn't be completing the journey together. All the Cambodians were trying to fix the bike as I took our bags off. I grabbed the kid who had been the nicest to us and tried everything to get us going. I gave him the registration card and keys and said using hand signals said it's his. I know they're worth good money in Cambodia so he was over the moon, and I was happy to see the bike off to a loving new owner. RIP Honda Win. So now we were a on foot, very deep in the jungle still determined to make Koh Kong if it killed us, although that saying was no longer funny. We had walked only 10min before this truck (the word truck also used loosely) came around that we flagged over. It had no cabin, just an engine between two guys. The whole back was full of entry oil containers and we quickly found out it had no suspension what so ever. They let us jump on the back and we were away. So we were now on the roughest roads on an empty oil container truck. It was seriously slow going, and we could barely hold on it was so rough. We had to keep squatting through the bumps to avoid permanent spinal injuries. We just kept preying this damn thing would actually take us to Koh Kong. Unfortunately after 4 hours they pulled into a little village which was the end of the road. To be honest I'm not sure how we lasted so long. The exhaust fumes were all we could breath, my ass copped such a battering it must look like a plumb and we're completely covered in used oil. So now we were stuck in a little village again, this time no transport. This lovely little family wanted us to stay but we had had enough, we just wanted out of the jungle. We grabbed our bags and started walking but they wouldn't let us go. I wasn't having it, I told him "Koh Kong". Out of nowhere someone rolls over with a phone and puts me onto someone speaking English. I just said please tell them we need to leave now, please. "That will cost like $40", "we don't care, please tell them". Within 30min we were finally on our way in Cambodia's most expensive taxi out of the jungle. We must of looked ridiculous strolling up to the hotel. It was about 9pm and were exhausted and covered in mud and oil. Another grueling 11 hour day done. We both agreed that the last two days have been the most rewarding, challenging, frustrating, exhausting and amazing days we've had traveling. However will never try it again. Without the help of the locals we would still be lost somewhere deep in the jungle.

Day 16 - Koh Kong

We ended up staying at a resort in Koh Kong, neither of us were in the mood for doing anything except eating and sitting around the pool. The resort was pretty amazing to look at, but had this weird Chinese vibe to it. Everything was just insanely massive, but we were the only people there pretty much. Everywhere you walked the resort staff followed to make sure you were OK. Definitely not my style of a place to stay, but it was exactly what we needed. My back still felt like chiropractic university students could do a case study on it. I couldn't touch my knee caps, let alone my toes. The only drama for the day was when we dropped our filthy clothes in for laundry service. Both of us are used to laundry being by the kg and never more than $10 a load. When I went to pick it up the retards had sent it for dry cleaning. They wanted $50 for a bag of underwear, socks, shorts and some singlets. If my brain was working I would of been so pissed off about it. I will say my jocks have never felt so good. I'm walking around doing lunges.

Day 17 - Back to paradise

Its actually painful writing this next bit. Today I caught a bus to Sihanoukville 😞 And to really rub it in the road was amazing and the weather was absolutely spot on. We had to sit behind some Germans and Russians talking about there normal political bullshit, plus some baby was screaming all the way. I miss my Honda so bad. At least this time I knew how the ferry's went out to Koh Rong. The same bloke tried to stitch us up with the slow ferry again. "No chance mate we're going on the fast ferry", then he starts arguing about how much better the slow ferry is and how the sea is rough so it will be smoother. I'm not sure what planet a 2 story hunk of crap converted fishing boat is better than a modern speed boat, but I ripped into him telling him I've already been on both and he's full of shit. He then moved to his next victims. Getting back to Koh Rong justified my decision to scrap Thailand, it really is the ultimate place to live like a hippy. Looking forward to finally getting my Padi.

Day 18 - Lazy days

Even though we woke up to perfect blue sky's, a pretty strong inshore wind meant there was literally no beach out the front of the village. The waves pretty much went right into some of the bars and cafes. So after organising the Padi course we decided to do the 45min jungle walk to the beaches on the other side of the island. Heading back into the jungle sent shivers down my spine, but at least these tracks weren't knee deep bog holes. The track was still a long way off western standards, some bits you even had to rock climb down. With our feet still shredded from the last jungle adventure it wasn't long before my feet were once again bleeding. Koh Rong island is literally covered in amazing beaches, and this one was definitely one of the best. Easily made the walk worth it. In typical Cambodian style there is a heap of long boats waiting to take everyone who couldn't be bothered walking home. It wouldn't surprise me if they deliberately keep the track so shit because I don't think a single person walked back.

Day 19, 20 & 21 - Padi course

Finally after years of talking about it I was finally starting day one of my Padi course. The first day is a full theory day. I haven't used my brain for nearly a year now so I was sure to be the class's reject. It really is a full on day, you sit there and watch hours of videos, then have to answer questions. By the time we got to the 50 question final exam my brain was mush, but luckily I passed along with Bibi and the other 3 guys. I nearly fell asleep eating dinner and was passed out by 9pm. Party animal. Day 2 you finally get to go diving. The morning we found a beach with a sandy bottom to complete all the skills. The water was so clear it's pretty fun just sitting on the bottom getting comfortable with all the gear. Once you can prove to the I instructor you're not going to have a massive freak out we got to do a couple of dives. For me the hardest part was controlling my breathing. Every time you start floating or sinking you naturally try and swim, looking retarded in the process. You have to constantly remind yourself to breath in or out. With no major freak outs we had both successfully survived day 2, only one to go. Day 3 is easily the most fun. All as we needed to do was complete 2 dives with some basic skills like removing your mask under water. One of the dives was down to around 18 meters. I was a little worried about how my ears would equalise. The conditions were far from perfect, the weather on the surface was sunny but we had some insane currents to deal with and stuff all visibility on the first dive. Going down the first dive was really freaky, I was having pretty bad vertigo feelings because you couldn't see anything. Bibi was also struggling so it took us a couple of tries to get down. Trying to equalise, dealing with the currents, the terrible visibility and actually trying to follow our instructor was mentally tough. I had a couple of minor panic attacks when things go wrong, but concentrating on the slow breathing helps a lot. I probably only enjoyed half that dive. Even the instructors commented they have never traveled so far in a current. Luckily the last dive was amazing, I loved every second of it. Neither Bibi or I had any moments and we both had the buoyancy thing nailed. We even saw a barracuda as big as me, and rescued some fish from a fishing trap. It was definitely the last dive that made me absolutely love diving. Can't wait to go again. Our instructor kept saying with a cheeky smile that we only had the snorkel test at the bar later before we passed. It didn't take a rocket scientist to work out alcohol would be involved. Sure enough at about 9pm the music stopped in the bar and they announced over the microphone we had passed our Padi open water and it was time for our final test. I was thinking it would be a beer down the snorkel or something. Turns out it was about 700ml of whiskey and coke. I hate whiskey. So with the whole bar watching you put on goggles and a snorkel and skull. I spent the rest of the night concentrating on keeping it down. So happy I finally can go scuba diving!

Day 22 - Hungover

No idea what brand that whiskey was that they force fed us last night but I'm going to guess it was some homemade whiskey, or possibly floor cleaner. It's not like me to get hangovers but today was definitely an exception. Luckily we had upgraded to an amazing bungalow further up the beach yesterday because I may have punched someone at the hostel if they asked me how I was feeling. So as you can imagine the day was as exciting as crawling the 20 meters to the beach, renting a banana lounge and then proceeding to slip in and out of a coma all day in the sun. It's hard to appreciate paradise feeling like this, but by mid afternoon I could at least look around and remind myself of how much I love this island.

Day 23 - Kayaking

With my brain back to mid power Bibi and I decided to sea kayak out to an island that you could see from Koh Rong to have a look and get some much needed exercise. It was maybe only 1 - 2km offshore but we were straight into a very strong inshore so it was real hard going. If we stopped paddling for a second we were going backwards. This stupid island had better be worth it was all I was thinking. I guess you can't really call it an island, it's probably only 150 meters wide and was just rocks with some old run down Buddha monuments on top. Just keep telling yourself it was worth it for the exercise... After that we decided to paddle back to the beach Mal and I chilled out at 2 weeks ago which I new was really nice. It was so sad thinking this will be my last day on this island probably forever, or at very least it will be the last time I ever see this island before it gets ruined by tourism. It's so nice to be in a place where there is no air conditioning, toilets that you just tip a bucket into to flush (and a toilet seat if you're lucky), no hot water (the no hot showers did wear me down), no ATMs, no paths, no roads (I loved watching retards drag their wheely bags down the beach) and just this amazing chilled out hippy vibe everywhere on the island. I'm so happy I got to experience Koh Rong.

Day 24 - Kampot

So with heavy hearts it was time to leave paradise. The first person who yells "Tuk Tuk Sir?" when we hit the mainland is going to cop a punch in the face. After laughing at all the people who were scammed climb on to a dangerously overcrowded slow ferry, we jumped onto the fast boat back. I guess karma was listening to me laugh because half way back the boat started spewing smoke out the exhaust. Apparently it was badly overheating so we had to chug back about the same speed as the stupid slow ferry. Still beat it by an hour, but it was annoying none the less. Can't help but laugh watching people with their faces in the spew bags. The plan was to catch the bus to Kampot which is where Bibi volunteered teaching english to children for one night on the way back to Phnom Penh. The bus ride was only 2.5 hours, but it was absolute hell. Typical Cambodians jam the mini van with way too many people, then stuff everyones luggage in. In the Cambodian heat it was like a sauna as soon as we got in and my knees were jammed sideways facing some old lady who was stuffed in opposite me. Then Michael Schumacher attempts to break the record time traveling between the two cities, darting in and out of traffic with his hand jammed on the horn most of the way. It's going to feel so weird when I get back on a road in Australia and everyone is driving safely. As we finally rolled into Kampot it was pretty funny to see it happened to be a random town that Mal and I had got lost in a few weeks before on the bikes. Still miss that bike every time I have to catch a damn bus. Kampot is such a cool little town, it's very hard to explain what makes it so cool. Basically the town has a massive river flowing through it, with all these awesome chilled out bars and restaurants lining it. Such a nice place to visit before going back to the madness of a capital city.

Day 25 - Back to city life

I woke up realising this was my last full day in Cambodia. When I think back to landing in Hanoi it seems like so long ago, yet it's been such an action packed adventure it feels like it's gone so fast. To be honest I was dreading going back to Phnom Penh and its mental traffic. For my last night there was no chance I was staying in some 8 person dorm so we booked into a nice hotel (only $25 each). When we rolled up to reception they gave us an amazing complimentary drink. Me trying to seem like I stay at these places all the time asks "Wow this is really nice, what do you call this drink?" receptionist "It's called lemon juice". Wow, what a retard. The rest of the day we just chilled out and had a look around the city again, then had Cambodian sushi train and went to the cinemas. The sushi train was so funny. You get your own soup boiling away on a stove then just grab stuff and throw it in. I'm sure it wouldn't be aloud in Australia due to health and safety bullshit, but it just goes to show that us humans do actually have our own brains and can manage boiling soup all by ourself. Although Bibi went to eat something random and a waitress ran over and explained it needed to be cooked first. Haha. We were both looking forward to this chocolate mousse that was rolling around, but I'm so glad Bibi took this first massive bite because the look on her face said it wasn't chocolate at all. I tried some, it was a weird salty meat paste. Probably a brown paste made from random animal organs. Rather not think about it.

Day 26 - Goodbye Cambodia

Even though I'm very excited to get home and see everyone in Australia, I couldn't help feeling like I wish I had a few more weeks. First I had to say Bibi as she headed on a bus to Laos. Even though we only traveled for just over 2 weeks we definitely went through a lot together, most notably the Cambodian jungle experience. I guess that's traveling, you have to say goodbye at some stage. Then it was my turn to say goodbye to Cambodia. Sitting in the tuk tuk on the way to the airport I was able to just look around and appreciate the randomness that made me love this country so much. At first glance everything seems so disorganised, dirty and totally random but it all just works. Once you learn to let go and just become part of their way of life you learn that not everything needs to be so controlled and over regulated. In a country where police do little but look for bribes, and government rules are either non existent or completely ignored you notice that people all still generally do the right thing. People who are speeding are told to slow down by other locals, and you can see the whole population has learned to look after each other, due to the complete lack of government services and assistance. Speaking with some locals you learn about the corruption that is killing the country. The entire government system in Cambodia just exists to look after officials in the Government while the locals are left with little or no opportunities. You can understand why people have absolutely no confidence in the system and generally just ignore it. It still amazes me how happy, friendly and helpful the Cambodians are after going through so many decades of war, then to be stuck with a government that just serves themselves. Makes you feel lucky to live in a country like Australia, but also makes you wonder why we all walk around seeming far less happy than Cambodians. Everyone you meet in the streets of Cambodia smiles and says hello, compared to Australia where most people are walking as fast as they can ignoring those around them. I guess we're all generally so busy on our way to work to stop and appreciate the little things. Anyway thank you Vietnam and Cambodia for an amazing and truly eye opening experience.

---

Comments

[Karen]

Cambodia
Paul, great blog , so funny , what an adventure !