NZOKA!

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So I think I mentioned it in an earlier message, but I’ve had quite a few interesting roommates living with me here in Choma. The most consistent of which has been Lizzy, the red nosed lizard who frequents my sink on quite a regular basis. I actually really enjoy having Lizzy around because not only is he someone to talk to on lonely nights, but he also is great at catching and eating those useless waste of a species, mosquitoes.

Anyways, this story begins one late night with me having just returned, exhausted, from a long day in the village where I had spent way too long repairing a farmers treadle pump. It was a really dark night and when I entered my home and tried to switch on the light I discovered that the power was out again. So I shuffled my hands around the floor to find my candle and matches. I went to the sink to try and draw some water but of course the water wasn’t working either. I also noticed that Lizzy wasn’t in his usual spot in the sink as he had been every other day that week. I figured maybe he had gotten fed up with my lack of being home on time and found a more reliable roommate. I didn’t have enough water in my jug to really cook anything and I was way to tired to go out to the bore well to get more so I decided that I would just climb into my mosquito net and crash in bed.

I’m sure I hadn’t been sleeping long when I all of a sudden heard this CLUNK in the kitchen. I sat in bed for a bit trying to figure out what the noise could have been and after some incoherent pondering I decided to light my candle and go check it out….Nope, nothing in wash area…….. Nope, nothing in sink ……. Nope, nothing by the cooker ……….YEP, DEFINITELY A SNAKE BY THE MAIZE BIN! And with a simple leap followed by a high pitched girly scream I was out of the kitchen and onto my bed ……. breathe ….. breathe ………. ok, David, there’s an inzoka (snake in Tonga) in your kitchen……what do we do now? Being without much light, all I could make out was that it was big, it was green and IT WAS A SNAKE! After some deep thought, it was concluded that no, both of us could not share the place, there just wasn’t the space…….and after a longer deeper thought, it was also concluded that being the rightful tenant who didn’t possibly have members of the same species living outside the house, it should be the snake who should leave and not me. Now, the problem with this conclusion is that it required me going back into the kitchen and actually doing something. So slowly slowly slowly I took my candle and tried my best to figure out where the inzoka was at. All seemed quite as I looked around but then, just out of the corner of my eye I saw the end of the tail of the inzoka shoot behind the maize bin. Ok, good, at least now I know where it is. So now what? I searched deep within myself and decided that even after lessons from my Grade 8 Science teacher Mrs. Martin and watching all of those Crocodile Hunter episodes I really didn’t know a damn thing about catching snakes. I knew that I personally had a problem with killing it ( I’m a big wimp that way) which meant I had to capture it. I searched through my sparsely resourced kitchen and decided my wash basin was the best option. I then very slowly and carefully grabbed the handles of maize bin and bit by bit inched it away from the wall making sure that my green adversary didn’t come shooting out. Once the bin was far enough away from the wall I decided to peak over top of it to make sure it hadn’t vanished on me. It was hard with the lack of light but I was pretty sure the inzoka had coiled up and was probably debating about whether it would eat my head first or save it for last. But then, HAH! I had taken the wash bin and upside down slammed it down over top of the snake and captured it.

THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! From the candlelight I could just make out the shadow of the inzoka’s head slamming continuously against the bin. Funny, for some reason he didn’t appreciate being trapped by the container. He was super pissed off and although I was holding that container down like my life depended on it (which I felt it really did), his head slamming technique was causing the bin to shake and I got worried. I really had no idea what to do so I grabbed the water jug under the sink and placed it on top of the bin. There! HAH! Now where you going to go snakey! Feeling proud of my brilliant ingenuity, I brushed my hands off, went back to my bed and tried to go back to sleep. Yep, you keep slamming away at that bin there buddy, but there’s no way you’re getting out. Proud of my capturing technique, I blew out the candle, went back to my bed and closed my eyes and for maybe 6/9ths of a second I slept ….. then the banging stopped…..and believe me my eyes were open. Uh oh! ………why’d he stop? Did he kill himself? Did he get tired? DID HE GET OUT? Man, what was I thinking that I could go to bed with that thing still in my house. So once again I lit my candle and ever so slowly reentered the kitchen (the actual distance from the end of my bed to the start of my kitchen is actually only about 30 cm, but at the time it still felt slowly). I first of all looked again in the wash area …. nothing …… then behind the maize bin …. nothing …..I bent over and ever so slowly decide to use my finger to lightly tap the wash basin …….tap……..THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!…..Breathe…….Ok, he’s still there…..I guess that’s a good thing. So, by some analytical reasoning from the last attempt, I now knew that he couldn’t stay here meaning he had to go. The plan was to open up my door, slowly slide the bin across the floor, throw the bin and inzoka out the door, slam and lock it quickly, and then find the bin in the morning. So, ever so carefully I take the water jug off the bin and slowly start sliding it towards the door. Now, in retrospect, I think that with most other floors, the plan would have worked well and everything would have been solid. However, I think I failed to consider the fact that my concrete floor was actually a miniature replica of most of the pothole-infested roads around Choma. So when the sliding bin happened to float over one such hole, out jumped our very angry antagonist (and yes, in my opinion he did jump). In a massive panic, I raised up the wash bin and tried to slam it back down over top of the snake. But he was fast and when I slammed the bin down on the ground I ended up catching the back ¾ of the snake in the bin, leaving the front, much scarier ¼ wriggling like mad outside the bin. His eyes were bugging out and his tongue was shooting out and I screamed. The time following this is a bit fuzzy in my mind, but in what seemed like eternity, but was probably a little less, I grabbed for an empty bottle that was beside me on the floor and without hesitation proceeded to smash the inzoka’s head repeatedly over and over and over and over…………….and then there was silence.

Finally, after a little grieving, a little clean up, and a little self reassurance, I finally was able to climb peacefully back into bed, close my eyes, and get some sleep…….but of course that wasn’t the case……not even having my eyes closed as long as the last time, once again I hear the very same CLUNK coming from the kitchen………..MAN! Quite a lot more irritated and just as scared, I again decided to light my candle and go check it out….. I slowly made my way into the kitchen and started looking around. Nope, nothing in wash area…….. Nope, nothing by the cooker ………Nope, nothing by the maize bin ……..AND THERE HE WAS IN THE SINK……………..

Lizzy!

=^)

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Photos

Lizzy
He's been a really good listener during those late night rants I seem to go off on

Look! It's an itzy bitzy Lizzy
What did I tell you kids about not reading warning labels. Never wash lizards in warm water