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Published: June 16th 2010
Our house and housekeeper
Seriously, five guys in a five bedroom house without a maid? Not likely.Just before I left Bangkok, I checked the weather in South Africa. It had occurred to me momentarily that this was in the southern hemisphere and that some countries down there experienced winter. Sure enough, it's winter. So I managed to pack my only jacket, all three pairs of socks, and bought a pair of pants. Done.
Three hours to Hong kong, 12 hour layover for banking, eating and drinking, twelve hour flight to Johannesburg and I'm there at 6:20am.
It was only after arriving at the airport that I realized that this is going to be a city gone mad.
After passing through immigration I got my first hint. A guy was walking around blowing a vuvuzela -- the plastic metre-long trumpet things that have made this the world's noisiest World Cup. These things are seriously loud. I'm told they are the same volume as a chainsaw. Anyway, this guy was creating a pretty loud farting noise and was being pursued by a security officer. When the officer finally nabbed him, he temporarily confiscated his vuvuzela, showed him how to blow it properly (i.e. much louder) and handed it back.
Welcome to South Africa.
The
Watch the birdy
Bored at sunrise? Take pictures of the local wildlife perched on the roof arrivals hall was a riot. I wanted to use a world like "cacophany" here, but it wasn't a cacophany of sounds at all. It was just loud. Damn loud. There were dozens of locals blowing the vuvuzelas for all they were worth while thousands of arrivales milled around dazed, deaf, and disoriented. I was supposed to meet Wayne and Mark from Seoul here (ironically, on a direct flight from Thailand) but there was no way of finding anyone in that mess without going mad. So I changed $50 and jumped in a cab.
Nice. Mercedes.
But the meter. Oh my. It was spinning like petrol bowser guage. Within just 15 minutes it clocked 360 rand -- my $50 worth of local currency -- and kept on rocking for the next 20 minutes. By the time we arrived at the house we rented the meter hit 820 rand -- 110 USD. Ouch.
Fortunately the owner was there and was able to call the cab company to see what the story was.
"We've doubled the meter rate for the World Cup."
Kidding? May as well be. We negotiated on the phone and lied through our teeth about
not having enough cash to cover the cost and eventually got away with paying just 700 rand.
Welcome to South Africa.
The tour of the house was interesting. We have a five bedroom house with separate office (where I'm writing now) surrounded by a 3m concrete wall topped with a 1m high-voltage electric fence and three integrated alarm systems connected directly to a security company. This is serious stuff. We tested the security service response three times (i.e. accidentally set off the alarm) and the security guys were at the front gate armed and armoured within 90 seconds.
Of course, with six guys and Lori Ann there was no way we were going to survive without a maid -- especially as we've all had maids for the better part of 10 years. Sure enough, Tim had already taken care of that, ensuring we get a maid/house package.
Mark and Wayne had Elvis suits which they donned and headed to the opening ceremony and South Africa Mexico match to look for scalpers. The opening and first match tickets had been booked out in fractions of a second when they were offered months ago. So the chance of
Elvis lives
Mark, the American getting scalped tickets seemed unlkely. Except this isn't the "World Cup"... it's the "FIFA World Cup" and FIFA has managed to screw over and screw up just about everything (except for taxis, which did it all by themselves).
The reason we're in a house to begin with is that FIFA booked out all the flights and hotels to flog with the tickets as (heavily marked up) packages. While FIFA itself doesn't make money out of this (being non-profit) its marketing arm owned by mates of FIFA officials makes a killing.
On the downside, though, the stadium was only 90% full. Mark and Wayne had no trouble finding scalpers and the prices they negotiated ended up being even less than what they would have paid buying them on the internet -- IF they had gotten lucky in the draw.
With tickets in hand, they gave the opening ceremony a miss and spent the time drinking with the Budweiser Girls. Good job. Opening ceremonies happen all the time, but drinking with Budweiser Girls at the opening of the South Africa World Cup is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Meanwhile, I remained at the house getting some work
Wayne and his Budweiser Babes
Wayne and Mark spent the opening ceremony breaking down racial barriers done and listening to the gradually rising crescendo of the vuvuzelas as kick-off got ever closer.
Heading out to the local supermarket for fruit and vegetables (beer and wine) the vuvuzelas were everywhere. Sticking out of cars, protruding from roof tops, in the shopping mall, and even in the supermarket. And on the end of every single one was a deaf African with a huge pair of lungs and an unfailing belief that the louder he blows, the better the chance of South Africa winning the game.
Even at the house in this leafy white fortified neighbourhood, the vuvuzelas were creating a constand din. At kickoff it sounded like you'd stuck your head in a hornets' nest. And when SA scored the first goal, it was more like a crazed mad hornets' next being attacked by bees. I think this was the happiest moment in South Africa's history. Everyone in the country (except the Mexicans) wanted SA to win. When Mexico got the equalizer the silence here was deafening. It was like I'd just stepped out of the hornets nest and plonked in a quiet white fortified neighbourhood in Johannesburg.
But on balance, the South Africans were
A friendly up yours
Elvis and Elvis consort with a local official who's mistake is definitely forgiven. pretty happy with a draw with Mexico, which is a bloody good team. Besides, they still have France to play... and the world wants France to lose almost as much as it wants South Africa to win!
Jet lag caught up with me at the end of the game and I crashed with the gentle hum of vuvuzelas in the background to send me to sleep.
Welcome to South Africa!
Next:
Durban for Australia vs Germany
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Rick Dysinger
non-member comment
Nice....
Peter-Did you wear your roo costume? Great story, thank you for sharing. Rick/Seoul (of Asia)