This post includes some of our amazing photos of our authentic African safari. The Maasai Mara is the Kenyan portion of the famous Serengeti. It was the perfect time to view the country-side. The weather just wet enough for the grass to remain green, yet dry enough that the grass was low and we could make out most of the animals. Also it was mating season, which can be quite exciting, particularly for dudes. To make things interesting, I will include with each picture, one true fact, and one not so true fact. Feel free to try and guess which is which.
Giraffey WeinerschnitzelPictured is a male giraffe (the darker and larger animal) attempting to mate with a female. If you look closely you can spot the giraffe's penis. If you lined up all of the giraffe penises in a row, you would have a string of sausage which stretches from the moon and back 3 and 1/2 times. The giraffe, despite having an extraordinarly long neck, has the same number of neck bones as you and I: only seven.
Bad Hair DayThis is the Cape Buffalo, a member of the "Big Five" African mammals. The Cape Buffalo is the most dangerous animal on the African Savanah and also the killer beast in Hemingway's "The Snows of Kilamonjaro." The Cape Buffalo spends approximately three hours a day licking the hair on the heads of their mates to form it into the horny shape you see displayed in this picture.
Oliphant!This is a family of elephants. Elephants are reknown for their resembling human families in that teenage elephants are often disgruntled and refuse to walk with their parents. Elephants also have an incredible capacity for memory and were originally considered by NASA to pilot the first spacecraft but lost out to the chimpanze which scored higher on his SAT.
Lazy LionHere is a pride of lions, or as loud Chinese tourist shoutingly described them, "lazy lions." Shown here, is the coital act which to the best of my observations, takes place about every 30 minutes yet lasts only 30 seconds, closely resembling the human males first attempts at intercourse. Manute Bull, former NBA center and Maasai has killed a lion with only a knife and spear.
TriceretopsThis is the Black Rhino, severely endangered and difficult to find. They are extremely aggressive even toward each other, and have the highest rate of mortal combat of any mammal. They also have such poor eyesight, that I was able to sneak up behind this one and slap it on its rump
Wonkey!Pictured here is the African Wonkey seen in her natural habitat. She is showing her teeth to scare off her mate and to indicate that while she is having fun, she does not enjoy spending countless hours in a van which has both rear tires stuck in a giant rut near two mating lions.