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Published: June 24th 2013
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Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus...
Riding along the start of the loneliest road in America along route 50 from Utah to Nevada avoiding the N-S interstate (thanks John for the heads up), I definitely felt very alone at times with my bike, oh yes, and my thoughts. Look out. I had a very deep conversation with myself this afternoon. Blame it on the environment. It started with trying to comprehend the scale of Utah's endless mountains and canyons and moonscape terrain we rode through later this morning, and an old sea bed which still had tidal characteristics - all of this awe created 4 billion years ago and still in tact, all of which I cannot describe adequately so will let the photos do the talking. It propels one (me) to ponder the world and how we all got here and to try to decipher our purpose on this earth. 4 billion years later, here I am, lonely on my bike, on this planet for a mere 100 years, feeling rather insignificant. The questions I asked myself started with why does it all matter so much when I am such minutia in the grand scale of things?
Why do I worry about many things in life, such as will I have any clients to come home to at the end of being away for 9 weeks away, or why I do I worry so much about what people think, or why do I worry about money, or why do I worry about whether the bathroom gets cleaned before I go away, or why I do worry about anything at all when it would be so easy to just sell everything and become a nomad in this world, living and travelling wherever I want without any worry because I am only here for such a short time and what is the meaning of it all. Why do I care if I work when I get home. What's the point of always striving for the best. What's the point of being competitive. What's the point of exercise that may or may not extend my life by 10 years when I'm only here for 100. Why worry at all when none of it really matters at the end of the day. Enough! None of this is logical! Make the confusion stop! This downward spiral is filling my mind and I'm
wondering if I'm the only insane person out there that has crazy thoughts like this. And as if that illusive higher being whatever it may be from above sensed my desire for an answer of any kind, (or perhaps it was because I was just weaving all over the empty straight road), she/he sent, in the middle of nowhere and having seen zero wildlife all day, two cows, one black and one white, to calmly stand on the side of the road on the wrong side of the protective fence harbouring the highway, as if to grab my attention and bring me back to earth. My immediate thoughts were holy crap, stay there nice cows, and then OMG when Ian sees them as he passes after me, one can only imagine what thoughts will be going through his head this afternoon and that brings a laugh or two! And then envy that why can't my thoughts be as simple and uncomplicated as whether a cow is a loner or not. In that heart-stopping split second, my mind did a 180 and it came together for me as it always does when I have these unplanned philosophical discussions with myself. I
acknowledge that this is the life that I have been given, and in truth the only thing that is important at the end of the day is family and friends. That's it. It's not that I don't already know this, but it's that I'm reminded of it in a moment like this and while it's pretty deep, it's also extremely powerful and emotional. Life is about my children. Life is about my family. Life is about my friends. Life is about hanging on to all of them because nothing else matters. Life is about being needed and valued, and needing and valuing. And as I had this revelation, more crazy happened. I clearly hadn't seen them coming in the distance because my mind was filled to capacity with this enormously heavy debate, but we were suddenly alongside over 100 wind turbines in the valley, and Ian, who can't mind-read and has no idea why I've been silent on the intercom for the last 3 hours, blurts out Muuuddddddddddddyyyy, and Biiiiiitttttttttttttty in his best English accent. And that's all it takes for tears to flow down my face - not something I would recommend anyone try when riding a bike in
36 degree weather looking into the west setting sun. The only person that will understand this connection is my sister in Lincolnshire, whose farmhouse looks out over rolling farmland at several wind turbines that you can drive to on "muddy" roads and "bitty" (pronounced t not d), well you'll just have to watch the English TV show Little Britain to understand what that means. And so as my conversation with myself comes full circle, I feel a sense of relief, a renewed sense of grounding, a renewed angst to get home, a renewed sense of life and what it all means. I contemplated as I was talking to myself today whether I should write all this in today's entry and risk having our blogs start sounding like Bridget Jone's Diary (hang on a minute, wasn't that a best seller and box office movie hit?). Sure, let it all out.......
I haven't talked much about the scenery today, or about routes 70 and 50 through the rest of Colorado and all of Utah and into Nevada. All I will say is if you get a chance in your lifetime to drive this route, "you should do it".
Perhaps its
magnificence will inspire you to ponder the meaning of life, or maybe it will simply inspire you to think about life as a cow. Either way, it's a drive of a lifetime much as yesterday was and is worthy of bucket list status.
P.S. I'm still Ian's only wife having ridden through Utah!
P.P.S. If you enjoy non-fiction, read Between a Rock and a Hard Place, by Aron Ralston, about a canyoneering accident in southeast Utah. A very moving account.
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JOAN MUMBY
non-member comment
Utah and Nevadta
What a barren landscape, and what feelings it unleashed in both of you! Preserve those words, whatever you do! I am longing for you to come home! Love you Mum