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Published: June 30th 2006
Kelly here, sarasitting. Pukey McDrunkface decided she could drink the same number of beers in the same number of hours as her big sister. In the oft-repeated words of everyone’s favorite governor Howard Dean, “That turned out not to be true.” So, I spent the second hot sunny day we’ve had on vacation sunning myself in Vondelpark reading my book. It was glorious. I am a charming shade of red.
Yesterday we traveled via train to a small town that housed what one website called, “The most beautiful view in all of Holland.” Now, I’m no expert on Holland but unless all these postcards featuring endless tulip fields and tall grass are faked this website just plain lied. I cannot believe that the most beautiful view in THE WHOLE COUNTRY has, in any corner of even the most peripherally gifted pair of eyes, a factory. And if it does it certainly doesn’t have three city blocks worth of factories visibly polluting the most beautiful river in Holland.
What the website didn’t mention was the high incidence of wild beasts roaming at will through the paths of unsuspecting tourists already pissed off about the total lack of tulips and presence
of factories.
Sara, momentarily in remission, would like me to note that we actually had a really fun time. But that’s not my style.
Okay where was I? Oh yes.
Wild beasts.
Sara and I had walked to the edge of the field, picnicked, began to sunburn, and headed back to the headquarters where women wearing clogs were teaching a group of fannypackers how cheese is made. The field was divided into patches by a fairly wide stream. Thus, walking across the field amounted to walking through a patch of tall grass, crossing over a small bridge, walking through a patch of tall grass…etc. On our way back we stopped on one such bridge to note the wild beasts grazing in the path ahead. Sure, they looked fairly harmless upon first glance. Big sweaters with feet. But two of them had horns. The sort of horn that winds around the head Princess Leia style. The kind that could impale a person.
Animals. In the wild.
Initially, we inched toward them thinking maybe we could “sneak by.” Plus, I wanted to take a picture. Two beasts continued to graze. The third raised its big
human killing head and stared us down. Man versus Beast. An ancient battle. We decided it wasn’t for us to fight. Actually, we turned around and ran as fast as we could. We reached the bridge in a haze of adrenalin. Was the beast behind us?
The beast remained in its stance, chewing, slowly.
We broke eye contact with the sheep and saw approximately seventy five tourists milling around, watching the two idiots run and literally HIT THE DECK upon reaching the bridge.
Sheep. Allowed to roam free. Fucking beautiful.
We walked back the other way and around. Got a great view of some factories. Although one was a cocoa factory and the breeze smelled like cookies. That was excellent.
Then we ate Italian Ice and took a nap under a tree.
…to be continued…
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Jane
non-member comment
Nice rack Kelly!
That is all.