West Side Story

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Another day, another camper. This is the big one though. A whole state to cover, all the way from Perth to Broome. No worries!


Western Australia was never part of the plan but with things not panning out how we had thought they would do we decided why not. Andrew was desperate to see the West Coast and with more hours of sunshine than any other place in Australia (they all say that though), and precious little rain (erm....right.....see later!) Lara thought why not too. WA makes up nearly a third of the continent. Occupying 2.5 million square kilometres it is bigger than the whole of Europe and comfortably sits Japan and Britain in there with room to spare. Humungous. Oddly enough, 90% of its population, which is less than 2 million (bloody teeny) live around Perth. So with more open space than any other populated location on earth...lets make like a turtle and carry our home on our back.....

When I went to pick up the camper I was informed that there was good news - we had been given a free upgrade. My heart lept. Lara will be so pleased, I thought. Then they pulled the "camper" around to the front of the office and I could barely believe my eyes. It was a bohemoth. A long wheelbase Mercedes Sprinter, 2.8m tall, with a shower, toilet, and all sorts. We only wanted a little thing like the one before and with in 30 minutes Lara and I decided to swap for what we had payed for. It was too long to park in a conventional parking space, which rules out alot of free camping options (well, public lavs anyway). The bugger was thirsty for diesel, which is way more pricey than unleaded over here, and having a shower in the van is cheating. We motored away Northbound in a carbon copy of the last camper that we know and love. Missing her favourite car Lara adopted the camper as her own and called her Berryl.

Tempers were fraying already by the time we left. Don't you just love it when people quip "we have not had rain in 6 months and not a cloud in the sky for the last 3 weeks..how funny". We don't think so. Lara is a sun goddess and I am realising that I am a trainee sun god in battle with the rain devil at all times it would appear. It is amazing how much weather can affect your plans. It may sound gay but there is nothing better than waking up to the sun shining through your windows! Especially when you are living in a campervan with Lara!

First stop was the small beach town of Cervantes (pop 480) from where we were to enter the Nambung National Park and the home of the eerie Pinnacles Desert. Thanks to the faffing around with the van earlier on and some whining about the lack of a place to get a bikini wax (don't you just hate that problem boys...it makes your boardies really uncomfortable..yawn yawn yawn), we arrived only just before sunset but after the ranger had gone home, so we entered the park uncharged. Bonza! This is a wierd desert in which there are thousands of limestone pillars sticking out of the sand and resembelling termite mounds. Some are a wee 5cm and others are an imposing 5m. The fading light provided a haunting character as the pinnacles appear to congregate in areas like petrified, robed figures. Very odd but great for pictures!

The next day we awoke at the crack of dawn to the sound of rain like a thousand hooves on the roof of our tin box and were in no mood to hang around (plus we had actually illegally parked overnight in somebody else's driveway!). We headed up the Batavia Coast in search of better weather. The road we chose was publicised as a 'surf-side road following an unbroken run of magnificent beaches'. This was inacurate. We could not see the sea at all because we followed an unbroken line of sandunes passing through the towns of Jurian, Green Head and Leeman, which were scarcely more than roadhouses. Oh, and the rain did not let up. Our target was Geraldton (with a regular 8 hours of sunshine per day), the area's major town and the jumping off point for the Abrolhos Islands where we were planning to visit sealion colonies and perhaps go diving. But the weather showed no sign of relent and we were informed that the dive boats were not leaving the safety of the harbour for the next few due to forcasted storms and 4m swell. Like Kangaroo Island, these plans were quickly cast aside and we continued North. Sun City my ass. Geraldton you need some new advertising.

At this rate we will have driven the whole of the West Coast in about 4 days. Awesome - Not! So, just for something to do, we took a detour from the Highway to go through Kalbarri, another seaside resort but surrounded by over 1000 sq km of arid bushland national park. The coastal gorges on the way were spectacular - red sandstone cliffs carved and sculpted by the sea. But the bloody rain would not desist! Feeling utterly misserable that our road trip up the West coast was looking increasingly like 'rain stops play' we booked into a proper campsite for the first time. We still opted for unpowered because we are rugged like that but the showers and nice, clean toilets were extremely welcome. We even bought a box of wine to make it more like home. Now, when you think of boxed wine you probably imagine cheap, French piss in a 2lt box. In Australia they only sell decent wine, so we picked up 2 lts of Hardey's for like 5 pounds. Does this place have any downsides? A few glasses of that and a game of jenga later made it all better! (sad..us..never).

We got a really early start the next day so we could cover the 50km through the Kalbarri National Park to Hawks Head Gorge before sunrise. This was worth the effort because the morning felt full of promise as the sun appeared through only the lightest of cloud. Today, we only had about 400 km to drive and a few stops on the way to get to Monkey Mia. It really is difficult to convey in words or even pictures just how vast WA is. We were still firmly on the tourist trail but traffic had dwindled to a car every other hour or so. This makes it all the more exciting when you do pass one. Everyone in both cars waves madly like it is the first car you have ever seen, like ever. With little or no radio reception there is only so much conversation you can dream up between the pair of you. And we have heard the cars get fewer the farther North you go - bring it on! Nonetheless, the driving was still particularly upbeat despite being 300km from nothing but red sand and scrub as far as the eye could see on either side of a dead straight road that tapered off towards the horizon. Luckily, just as you start to nod off a road train will hurtle past at 110km per hour to suck you up and leave enough brown stains in your pants to warrant a premature toilet stop and a stark reminder to heed the warning signs to take a break. Anyone who thinks driving the M1 is boring should try and drive up the West Coast of Australia. Anyway, Road Trains start at 53.5m long with over 100 wheels and a stupidly high number of bolts. They literally are like trains on the road. They take over 2km to stop and there are enough dead roos, camels and even cows on the road to show that these babies ain't taking no prisoners. They will never stop for roadkill and as all good driving guides in Australia advocate "do not swerve just go straight over the top". Nice! We have heard that unless the driver sees the roo, such is their gargantuan size and speed, he will not know he has hit one until he stops and has to pluck the baby joey from between the bars. Gross! So, best to stay out of their way...and stay awake.

Our only land mark on the entire journey was the Overlander Roadhouse where we had to fill up Berryl because from here on servo's are few and far between. She get's quite thirsty too bless her. It was a weird place to say the least and somewhat creepy. From the weird music pumped onto the forecourt where old men sleep on the tables to the frantic signals from the Irish red head behind the counter, it is a murderers dream. Anyone seen Wolf Creek? Nope.....us either. It is every campervanning backpackers mantra and we all vow to watch it...but only from the safety of our homes. Think campervan breaks down, friendly ozzy stops, backpackers die a grizzly death! Om, second thoughts, maybe the Irish lass had been taken prisoner because I am not sure how else you would end up there. Oh well, the lengths some people will go to to get a visa!

At the first junction we had seen all day, we took our first left of only 2 on the 3,600km trip up the coast, marked 'Welcome to Shark Bay World Heritage and Marine Park'. This place is called the Peron Peninsula and is surrounded by Shark Bay. It is home to the world's largest colony of stromatolites - microbes identicle to those that first appeared 1.9 billion years ago and filled the atmosphere with oxygen. They don't look like much but I find this shit really interesting so Lara humoured me for an hour as we walked on the boardwalk over the colony, which was semisubmerged by the tide. Smells like chlorine. A little further along we got to Shell Beach, a beach formed entirely from cockleshells, which lay 10m deep in places. The beach is so white and the water so turquoise and calm that it creates a stunning picture of paradise. "Where the bloody hell is everybody" (you need to be in Aus for that one with Lara Bingle). This was our first experience of a deserted beach. It really is possible to have your own slice of paradise in WA without anyone being near to you. Shame about the friggin rain though! (do we sound bitter yet?) With 340 days of sunshine a year one would hope that if there was any proof that we were not the root cause of this weather it would be at Monkey Mia. Nope....it was coming down harder and faster than England in the World Cup. Guess what, the lady in reception swore that she had never known it to rain like this in Shark Bay and asured us that it would not last. Hmmm. Sceptical.

Monkey Mia is famous for its population of wild bottlenose dolohins which turn up at the beach, like clockwork, to be fed every morning. In fact the research done here is responsible for most of what is known about these amiable animals. We spent the evening obsesively watching the weather and trying to be positive. Camp Kitchen was fraught and every camper was thinking the same.... surley the dolphins won't mind if it's raining.....they are always wet (much like us I feel). Sure enough, the rain was still coming down the next morning as all the happy campers trapsed out to the beach at 7.30 in the hope of feeding a wild dolphin. We stood there looking out to sea like Captain Ahab searching for Moby Dick. At 8.10 it stopped raining. Then, at about 8.30, two dolphins showed up, swimming right up to the shore into knee-deep water. Rangers appeared and gave us 45 minutes of blabber about the dolphins. They were, of course, just stalling, waiting for more to arrive. Eventually there were 6 dolphins swimming back and forth, looking at us out of the water as much as we were looking at them.

Only female dolphins come in as the males are too aggressive but they are trusting enough to bring their calves in with them. The rangers control the feeding very carefully and you will only feed a dolphin if you are selected from the punters lined up on the beach (there can be 500 people in high season but there were only about 60 this time). It's a little bit like being picked for a team at school. You stand there looking all nonchalant and unbothered when you are almost bursting to stick your hand up in the air and shout PICK ME YOU BASTARDS...I PROMISE I WONT LET YOU DOWN..I AM NOT A DROPPER (I think she must be having flashbacks to school, eh lara?) After getting a fish the dolphins swim off to play in the bay. They return on their own terms for more another two times. So, everyone leaves the beach to have breakfast thinking it will be an hour or so until the next feeding. Lara and I were stood there trying to decide wether or not to leave when after only 15 minutes the greedy dolphins came back. This time the weather had cleared up and the sun was even starting to shine through. Righto, this trip has FINALLY started. By the third and final feeding it was only 10.30 and people were not vigilant enough to stay on the beach the whole time like us, so the audience was only 20 strong. This time Lara was one of the lucky chosen ones and got to hand feed a fish to a dolphin. She thinks it was to do with the straightened hair and the fluttered eyelashes at the male ranger...whatever works sister!

That afternoon we went on a catermeran out into Shark Bay to see some of the other amazing wildlife that lives here. Among other things we got a rare glimpse of a dugong mother and calf swimming over the seagrass beds. These are, sadly, critically endagered creatures and we both felt priviledged to see them in their natural habitat. They are kind of a cross between a walrus or a manitie / sea cow at the front, with a dolphins tail. Rumour has it that dugongs sparked the mermaid myths which all lead to Disney's Aerial. I am not sure quite how you make the connection because as cool as it was to see them, there is not even a hint of flowing hair or an ample bossom. In fact, they are more the ugly duckling than the majestic swan and I know a few chicks who would be pretty devastated to know where their pet name comes from! Monkey Mia always gets mixed reviews from travellers claiming its too touristy. Although Andrew has seen dolphins before, this was my first encounter and I loved it. So many non believers blah on about if you want to have the real life nature adventure with dolphins get a boat into the sea and go hunting for them out there....OK...we will do that too.

Next stop, coral Bay. Having free camped overnight by the side of the highway and woken up alive (no murderers here then) we crossed the Tropic of Capricorn under bright blue skies. Wow, there are some big red kangaroos up here! 6 feet tall and dead (or sleeping as we like to think) at the side of the road. Even more amazing are the birds that are cleaning up the road kill. In the early dawn light I thought I saw a kangaroo in the long grass at the side of the road. I slowed down and as I drew closer I saw I was mistaken. It was an eagle the size of a kangaroo. I thought it was going to carry the camper away all the way to Coral Bay.

Coral Bay is an incredibly, spectacularly beautiful place. It is all about the reef. That is, the magificent Ningaloo Marine Park, WA's answer to the Great Barrier Reef but with no-where near the tourist numbers and is reputedly way better. The resort is tiny and chilled out with just the bare minimum to keep a camper alive. One street, a bottle shop and a supermarket. Oh, and the beach! Even mass is held every other Sunday outside the campsite on the beach. With a permanent popultaion of only 100, Coral Bay is a cutie with the most laid back atmosphere ever. I could really get used to this.....

Since deciding to come to Western Australia all of 5 minutes ago Andrew had been in a state of near excited delerium at what we awaited us. While there are all sorts of tours on offer, swimming with a whale shark is what most people are here for. The Whale Shark is a big fish. SO BIG. He can grow up to 18m in length and I was tres nervous about this activity. I know they are filter feeders but the word 'shark' conjours up all kinds of terrifying images. Everyone has seen Jaws right? In fact, my mum and dad never even let us watch Jaws until I was like 16! Yep true! I can watch all the lesbian drunkeness of murdering Eastenders from the age of 2 but a film about sharks...no way...go figure. It was made worse by the fact that despite my requests they refused to just call it a whale in our briefing and kept calling it a shark. Why would you do that?

So, time to warm me up for it and take a swim out to the reef with some big Manta Rays instead. When Andrew went off diving in the Maldives, the thing I was most gutted about was that he had dived with Manta Rays at a cleaning station. Manta Rays are a bit like plaice and chips but much much bigger and without the chips. It is probably a better idea to look at the pictures. They are about 5m across and almost fly through the water slowly and gracefully. Obviously, the first question I was to ask involved the safety of the whole thing and the likelihood of being eaten by a shark (see mum, I promised after going helmetless in Thailand I would not take any more risks). A few smiles (patronising ones from shop staff - not mine) later I was in a wetsuit. "Of course it is not dangerous. We only get Tiger sharks and they are really full from all the fish around here".....You what?
I have done my research and I know that tiger sharks can and would and have attacked humans. Off with the wetsuit again. However, the Aussie mantra of 'No Worries' is sort of infectious and I was on that boat before I really knew what had happened. In fact, we were lucky enough (it was a good spin the crew put on it to detract the customers fear), when we got out near the reef and saw two 5m tiger sharks circling a 2m loggerhead turtle. "See, it really wants to eat that, not us" mmmmm. That said, I really did not give it another thought until I was in the water (must be all that sun going to my head). Snorkelling with the Manta Rays was just incredible. They swoop and swish around you and it was really not that scary until I started lagging behind in my black wetsuit looking a little bit like a poorly seal. SWEET!

Well, with that under my belt it was time for the big one. We were (wet)suited and booted again and off we went in search of the whale shark. The spotter plane was up well before us but it looked like nothing was a doing. No whale sharks today folks. Who cares about whale sharks anyway. I was more than a little bit scared (I have read the bible and I know that Jonah got eaten by a whale - you cannot put a value on that kind of research. Always be prepared!) Instead, we got to see thousands of dolphins humping each other (very rare), and best of all we tracked 2 humpback whales, completely out of season, breaching for 2 hours at the side of our boat. Money just cannot buy that experience. A mother teaching her calf. Up and down all the time. Beautiful, just beautiful.

Luckily, you get a second shot at whale shark hunting, and this time we were very lucky. The nerves had disappeared, well almost. At the shop that morning there was great excitement about the fact a bull shark had been spotted by yesterday's divers. Now I DEFINITELY know that bull sharks DO eat you. One day in China we got chatting to a guy who was talking about bull sharks being the biggest eater of humans. They swim up rivers and just eat you whilst you are doing your washing. I did not believe this so Googled it and IT'S TRUE. On a scale of scary sharks it goes, great white, tiger and then bull. Bull Sharks do eat you (thank god for Hotpoint washing machines eh?) However, again it was a case of just suit up and get on with it so I did. Just as we left the boat for our first snorkle over a shark cleaning station (I stayed on the boat for the reasons outlined above although I made out it was because I was too cold to get in the water - yeah right - it is like 35 degrees today) the spotter plane had visual on 3 sharks - wehey!!!! It is all pretty frantic really. You are rushing to clean your masks, pull up your wetsuit and get to the back of the boat, all whilst contending with the 5m swell outside the reef. They drop you off in front of the shark and you see it swim straight towards you at which time you are to move to the side and swim alongside it. You are not allowed within 4m of the tail and 3 metres of the fins (as if I would). IT WAS AWESOME. We swam for nearly 2 hours with them and then a baby one came, the smallest they had ever seen, (although at 3m it was still way longer than me) and we got to swim with him too. I loved it and for Andrew it was really a dream thing to do so he was in his element. The only slightly scary part was that after one of them dived and we lost sight I became quite tired and decided to get picked up by the boat. There were a few others of us too and we were all bobbing in the swell for ages while we waited. Then someone decided to bring up the film 'Open Water'. Its about 2 Americans who get left on the barrier reef to die by their dive boat...where is the boat!!! We did obviously get picked up as I have written this, and it is quite funny that as a result of this some tour operators are completely anal about doing a roll call when you get back on the boat.

Righto, with not much else to do, better watch another gorgeous sunset from the comfort of our beachside, powered site then. I am loving the camping so much. Camping is definitely the new black. It brings me back to my youth and is so much fun. We have met the best people. In the camp kitchens we sat and talked for ages with a group of Aussie men who had left their wives for 6 weeks to go fishing up the West Coast. As well as giving us THE most gorgeous fish for free they were so interesting and told us heaps of other info about where to go. Better than any Lonely Planet. The downside of the West Coast is that once it gets dark at 6pm and the lights go on there is sweet fanny adams left to do. I think the latest we stayed up was 9pm and the earliest I was asleep by was 7.45pm. I could really get used to this living. Unfortunately, however, on our way out of Coral Bay we pulled a sneaky free camping manouver to save driving in the dark. Thinking we were smarter than the ranger we pulled just out of town before driving onto this empty piece of land. No sooner had the dribble left my mouth we were being awoken with some pretty ferocious banging on the door. After a brief flashback to Peter Falconio's last moments, we decided we should open up and found a pissed off ranger requiring us to move on. He must have taken pity on my frightened face as he left us alone without the $1000 fine.

Having heard tales of rugged camping and outdoor living we headed to Cape Range National Park further up the coast. This is what the west coast is all about. A National Park full of gorges and a variety of flora and fauna meets sensational swimming and snorkelling off coral fringed white sand beaches. It is pretty remote though and you have to take in all your own water etc and without a toilet or shower in sight it was another good use of our skills gained in Asia. All was going well, even the BYO Happy Hour at the camp where we sat around having a yarn with people old enough to have created the park was not too much of a chore. We regaled our fellow campers with tales from other lands and our quest for the sun. "Don't worry you shiela, it will never rain here. Not a cloud in the sky." That was 5.30pm. At 4am the next morning we were flooded in. The roads were closed and it was like a mud bath. With no chance of sunbathing the only thing left to do was take a dive or two on the Ningaloo Reef itself. Unfortunately, all we hear is negative things about diving on the Great barrier Reef. And it does have to be said if it is going to top Ningaloo Reef then it had better be something special. Olive sea snakes, turtles, wobbbbbbbogongongog(whatever) sharks, sailfin catfish, 1.5m batfish, lionfish, reef sharks....the list is endless. I think this week has definitely been the highlight of the trip for us. We have been swimming with all the big ticket wildlife and camped amongst amazing scenery there is.

With our days numbered and Berryl needing to go home to Broome we decided to take the rest of the drive in one big hit. 1200km in a day. We did it, and only once did we manage to nearly crash the van. Not into a roo but a fuck off huge cow. I only just manged to stop as a result of it giving us a smile and his teeth reflecting in the moonlight. Are we in India or something?
Broome was also really lovely and we spent our time on Cable beach recovering from our driving. Famous for its camel sunset view Broome is again in the arse end of nowhere with little to do other than soak up the suns harmful yet stangely addictive rays. Everything operates on Broometime or when the hell it fancies so trying to get anything sorted here was a mission. We did manage to stay up late to go to the worlds oldest open air cinema. Deckchairs and cinema and mosquito's do not go well together!

So thats the end of that...you sleeping yet? Pretty long entry but as long as you took to read it it took me a lot longer to write it and plus the guy next to me has THE smelliest feet EVER. I know we are backpackers but c'mon dude! Travelling up the West Coast really was the highlight of our trip. SO AMAZING. The end of our trip seems all too close now. All we have to do now is board that plane to Darwin...have you seen the size of it?

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[mommy]

Pikies about to be on the road
Well, this is just too good to miss - so, when you come back - don't come to Fountains Road - we will have sold up and be on the road - see you..................