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Published: September 12th 2010
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Every now and again you come across a place which, while located in a particular country, is something else all together. It becomes a kind of international nowhere, all too often the native culture is over written and to coin a SE Asian phrase a kind of ‘same, same but different’ takes its place. Of all the places I have been Singapore has probably been the most successful in this endeavour, not least because as a city state it seems to have done this so completely. Its thirst for modernity has been realized as a kind of consumerist compulsion. Its churches are its malls and its cultural relics seem to be confined to Raffles and Fort Canning.
The tiny Thai island of Koh Tao has also succumbed to a kind of capitalist white wash. All menus and signs are in English, bars show English and American sports, it is a bit like being at home except that the sun is shining, the beach is like paradise and you don’t have to go to work.
On Koh Tao the main religion is hedonism, the church is the dive centre and cultural relics are bars that have lasted for more than
one rainy season. The only concession to the fact that you are in Thailand is that you can eat a good Thai meal for a reasonable price. Of course no one but the impoverished dive instructors would do this- everyone else eats burgers. And yet, like trashy novels, Pringles or Grey’s Anatomy, I find little of substance there but there is a kind of guilty pleasure in enjoying it. After all, what’s not to like.
And you know what they say, ‘when in Rome’…
So, armed with some rather lovely but very expensive masks and snorkels, we enrolled ourselves with ‘Simple Life dive centre’ and pulled up a pew. As you may already know, I’m not usually a fan of the water (and in fact spent a great deal of our snorkelling trip in Nha-Trang with a vice like grip on the boat’s ladder), however, things went swimmingly (!). By far the worst bit of the whole process was watching the PADI ‘educational’ videos (PADI are the people who give out the qualifications). Although there were occasional snippets of useful information the whole thing could have been condensed into about 20 minutes. Here are a few of our
favourite bits of ‘information’:
“Divers perform well under pressure.” “Divers are better than regular people.” Hang your head in shame PADI. In shame.
Four days, four dives, 3 hours of video (eugh), an exam and two hours under water, later… we are now PADI certified Open Water divers. Hurrah.
This coincided nicely with the end of some of the Dive Masters’ training- think of Dive Master as in between being someone who dives for fun and an instructor. Among the ranks was our lovely DMT (Dive Master Trainee) Tom.
Oh Tom…
The Snorkel Test The end of DM training on Koa Toa is marked by the ‘snorkel test’. The three DMT’s were dressed as Tigger, Piglet and Pooh Bear (that’s Tom) and were given various tasks to do over the course of the evening- find a big carrot, something from another dive shop etc. In reality they could have done just about anything at all, on Koa Toa those being ‘tested’ are immune from, well anything. The evening concludes with the ‘test’, about a litre of unidentified cocktail is poured into a snorkel and the DMT must sit there snorkel in mouth
until it is all gone. No pauses, no excuses.
I must be getting old because I’m sure a few years ago this would have seamed like the best thing in the world, now I find myself at the back of the room just shaking my head. Am I pleased or saddened by this development? Hmmm.
This point of view may be coloured by the stinking hangover we both had on the following day after playing the ‘Chang Lottery’.
The Chang Lottery Chang is the locally brewed Thai beer, it tastes alright and it is very cheap. The label already reads a heady 6.4%!a(MISSING)lcohol but, we later learned, that the quality control at the factory is very poor. In reality any given bottle is likely to be somewhere between 4%!a(MISSING)nd about 12%!a(MISSING)nd, if our informant is to be believed, around one in ten bottles is actually 12%! (MISSING)Winner?
From bread to bed After a closely fought bread eating competition (!) Luke and I won a shot of tequila each- and they appeared to use a tea cup as the measure. We each bought three Chang lottery tickets and spent the whole of
the next day feeling pretty dreadful.
Oh c**p I’m getting old.
I feel same, same but my liver is different.
And coming up in the next instalment of Reach and Go Luke Brown ‘mouse hunter’ plies his trade on the Perhentian islands.
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Tamsin Morrison
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haha
That brought a smile to my face! xx