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Published: February 8th 2010
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Nothing to do with Morning Exercise
I don't have any photos of Morning Exercise, as I'm always far too busy participating. So here are some arbitrary pictures of "modern China" instead. The Phenomenon of Morning Exercise
There are certain things you could never get a bunch of European engineers to do of a morning. Waving their bodies around in synchronised harmony would definitely be one of them. The Chinese, however, have a different cut to their jib.
My company is a big believer in the benefits of morning exercises - a concept, loosely based around Tai-Chi, that the majority of Chinese leave firmly behind them at the end of their school days. I shall do my best to describe it and its oddities to you.
At precisely half past eight every morning the usual soup of Chinese pop that's piped over the broadcast is brought to a halt and is replaced by a rousing piece of orchestral music that sits stylistically somewhere between Wagner and the Thunderbirds theme tune (now is the time to press play on the video).
The reaction is immediate and definite. Eyes twitch uncontrollably. Employees rise effortlessly from their office chairs, and make their way to the exits with all the unstoppability of Oompa Loompas attending a malfunction in the Nut Sorting Room. All across the building employees flow out of the exits,
gravitating as if governed by an Orwellian call to arms. In front of the main building they arrange themselves in close-packed serried ranks.
The foreigners in the company, meanwhile, toddle along behind trying to look as nonplussed as possible.
At the front of the gathered ranks, Davros (a representative from the Chief Engineer’s office), calls his troops to attention. He asks the employees of their commitment to the company. The troops reply in the affirmative. He asks what the company stands for. The troops state the company values of endeavour, spirit and honesty.
The music steadies to a marching beat. A voice (not too far removed from a Chinese Ronnie Corbett) speaks over the top, giving instructions. Then the count-in begins.
Which all means that the morning exercises are about to begin, so I hope you are ready. I shall give you the names I have given to them (during the ample thinking time they facilitate) along with a brief description.
Each one is repeated few times before moving on, so make sure you keep up - it doesn’t half look untidy if there’s a smirking Westerner cocking everything up in the back row. Oh
and there’s a (theoretical) 50Yuan fine if you miss morning exercises, so it’s a good thing you've made it this far.
The Exercises
1. 500 Miles. Stomp a little. Lefty righty, lefty righty. An easy starter for 10.
2. Holy Breaststroke Reach forward with the arms, and give a heartfelt breast stroke (excellent practice for wading through the thick Beijing air) before stepping forward and offering it up to the sky with your hands. Repeat with steps of alternating side.
3. I must, I must, I must improve my archery. With your arms pointing out and the elbows bent, pull your arms back horizontally as you would if you were enjoying a morning stretch. Repeat the movement with the arms straight. A little clap then bounces you into holding an imaginary crossbow out wide and with the right hand. Pull the imaginary bow with the left. Repeat on alternate sides.
4. The Seductive Teapot. My particular favourite. Widen the stance a little with one hand placed confidently on the hip and the other spouting out into the air. Now bob side-to-side, just like teapot beckoning a saucy “come-hither” to
a passing piece of Royal Doulton.
5. Can Can Arms up, foot up, arms up, other foot up. Audible “Wahey!”s are frowned upon, but often occur involuntary.
6. The Chinook. Twist round to the left, throw the arms out wide and spin right round to the right. Be careful not to take off. Alternate and repeat.
7. Bend and bop Arms all the way up, then with the legs straight bend all the way down. Reach for those verrucas. Finish with a cheeky squat before rising back to the starting position. Repeat.
8. Star fighter Essentially star jumps, except with alternate chest-high knuckle-touches, and high-altitude claps. Blood pumping.
9. The Frustrated gosling. This must be done with passion and no little irritation. Imagine you are an adolescent Goose, trying and failing to take to the air for the first time. Flap the arms while stamping one foot with heartfelt irk. Repeat with the other foot. Two more arm flaps in a final desperate flurry. Harumph.
10. Lap A jogged lap of the building to finish. Davros will call the footsteps.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now, and only now, are
you ready to embrace your day’s productivity. A good job, well done kids.
But I fear I can smell your scepticism from here. Before you judge, though, just consider the following facts. Firstly I for one haven’t been involved in any fatal accidents, nor caught any incurable ailments since completing the exercises every morning. Secondly this company has doubled in size every year for the last 8 years. They must be doing something right. You can’t argue with statistics. Fact.
While I jest of course (though perhaps with less poetic license than you have me down for) the whole thing is, if nothing else, an interesting insight into the Chinese pysche.
I’ve already mentioned it is something you could never get a bunch of employees to do in Europe, and I really admire their unquestioning faith in the company procedures. They are cheerily motivated by the knowledge that it’s what the company leaders think is best. It’s seems such a happier viewpoint than the equivalent cynicism and disparaging mutterings the same situation would bring in the West.
I’m sure any historian would argue that this strong natural herd tendency and the strong respect for the leadership hierarchy have led to much of Chinese history (both good and bad), and while I’m not arguing that there aren’t times to question authority, there are many situations where it really helps get stuff done.
However, what I enjoy the most about the whole thing is the beautiful irony as they diligently complete their morning exercise before equally diligently waiting to take the lift back up to their office on the 2nd floor, carefully saving any energy the stairs might have consumed.
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Ollie
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Check 3, 6, 7, 9 for Japan. I've seen construction workers on the motor way do this before a shift. Imagine blokes in hard hats doing 'the confused gosling'..... priceless.