Things that go bump in the night.....witches, vampire, tumble-dryers

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I think I mentioned in my previous blog that I love the book shops in America. My very favourite author is Edith Wharton who writes of C19th New York society and I have read most of her novels. So when I spotted a collection of ghost stories by her, I immediately bought it.

I am a fan of the short-story genre, although (like a lot of the things I like) I am aware it is not very popular or fashionable. I also like ghost stories, although of the higher-calibre M R James variety rather than any tales involving vampires (what is it with vampires these days?). And this collection was really excellent.

One of the reasons I particularly liked it was that, whilst chilling and thought-provoking, due to the era and society in which they are set, they do not automatically translate into my every-day life. So I am not creeping around the house afraid that a vampire will come shooting in my window (I hate those vampires - they get in everywhere). For example, one of my favourite stories in the collection is called "The Parlourmaid's Bell" and is about a parlourmaid's bell (the clue is in the title) which emits a ghostly tinkle initiated from beyond the grave. Now, I am ashamed to admit that my sister does not have a parlourmaid in her employ, and thus her abode has no parlourmaid's bell for me to fear.

Anyway, this long preamble on ghostly tales is because I decided to make the 1 hour ferry trip to Salem at the start of the week. Salem is a town in Massachusetts and is famous because it was the setting for the 1692 Witch Trials (I think there was a play on this which was turned into a film with Winona Ryder). As you would expect, the town is full of Witch museums and tourist attractions, some of which are hideously tacky, others which are (slightly) less so.

I was really interested to see around the town but being of a very nervous disposition (I couldn't deal with a ghost train at a funfair), I made sure that I boycotted any exhibits that were noted as being unsuitable for pre-school children.

Unfortunately, a few pop-up paper-mache figurines in pointed hats and Wharton's tales of genteel spectres (who always dress for dinner) proved too much for my over-sensitive imagination and I spent a restless night following my trip. I am sharing a room with my sister and, in my delicate mental state, I glanced over at her and noted how in the semi-darkness she resembled a corpse. I contemplated giving her a gentle prod to reassure myself. However, I quickly decided against this course of action; the prospect of my sister alive-and-well after being woken to ask if she had metamorphosed into a corpse is far more terrifying than sharing a room with one of the undead.

My night of terror continued when noises began to be audible from the basement. Now, these noises sounded like the tumble-dryer, but I am not one to be fooled so easily (any more than be caught off-guard by a corpse masquerading as a close relative). Then an intermittent beeping sound began. Of course, it could have just been the neighbour's clothes left on a spin-cycle, but I thought this was fairly implausible. No, this was an obvious ruse to lure me down to the basement and to my doom. I could almost hear the tumbledryer (of terror) goading me: "Did you think that I would be satisfied with simply shrinking your sister's sweater-dress?"

Thankfully, I survived the night and there have been no eerie incidents since (although I have been doing the laundry more tentatively since).

The last few days have been reassuringly normal - I have been at a number of fitness classes including a really fun "Cardio Dance" class. This basically involved bopping around to a Pussycat Dolls track and perfecting a move known as the "Booty Drop". "This is meant to look sexy!!!" shouted the instructor (somewhat optimistically, I felt). I'm really enjoying the gym classes now, although I am not impressed by the number of women in the class who can do full press-ups. It's like being able to do the splits after 25 - just not normal.

I have also mastered the buses in Boston after a few incidents of standing at the wrong side of the road. Such situations demanded all my acting skills to pretend that my intention in waiting was simply to verify that the Boston bus services were running to schedule - before sheepishly crossing the street to stand at the stop directly opposite.

Last night, after yet another exercise class, I requested we went to a certain local restaurant which has a weekly "All You Can Eat Calamari" evening. I love calamari but hadn't eaten it since I went to the same restaurant on last year's visit. I love this place but the waitress always looks totally bambozzled when you ask for calamari - "You want the Calamari?" - notwithstanding that it is advertised on a large billboard directly outside the restaurant. It's my guess they haven't sold a plate since my last visit (I'm sure I heard a shout to the kitchen boy to go out and catch an octopus).

Well, it's late here and I am hoping for a good night's sleep. Happily, my sister has lost her nocturnal corpse-like pallor. That old night-cream was obviously doing nothing for her.....

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Comments

[Ricki]

Vampires
Hello PK! You are slightly obsessed with vampires.....I have a feeling that one is going to get you before you leave! It's been nice knowing you.