Home is where the heart is

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When I went back to the US this summer, it was a feeling of surrealism. Little had changed. It was as if time had stood still. Houses looked the same, trees had barely grown, and the landscapes were familiar. Quite the contrast from Shenzhen, where a month is the difference between an empty lot and the makings of a 30 story building.

But it was good to be back. It was good to see the familiar, to reconnect with my past. But it doesn't feel like my past. It feels like time stood still; I left for a minute, little changed, and I returned. Mentally, I didn't move anything in the US forward. Children stayed the same age, my friends' celebrated the same anniversaries. I know things happened--many things--but had it really been a year? My visit to Minneapolis was the most interesting.

It was wonderful to see my friends. I had more fun that I had ever imagined I could in one week. People drove distances to see me--sometimes hours--and we spent full afternoons and evenings catching up. Of course we write, but a lot is lost over a year unless both sides have time to write every week. Sometimes big stories are lost as well because they take so long to write. Being back with everyone was like a little trip back home.
Except that Minneapolis isn't home anymore.

Driving around the city, looking at the familiar... it seemed distant. Sure, I just lived there less than a year ago, but it felt like a lifetime ago because so much has changed for me. I think I changed more than the city. I know I have.

When I left, and even now, everyone kept repeating, "Oh, I can't wait until you come back next year! I can't wait to see you next year!" And while I love my friends, I don't know that I'm going back next year. It's not a certain thing that I HAVE to do. Originally, I hadn't planned on visiting so soon. I didn't leave just so I could keep returning.


And then I returned to China. The moment my ferry pulled up to the mainland and I could smell the salty air of the ocean, I felt calm. As I passed through customs, I smiled big. I wasn't just excited to see my friends again; I'd only been gone two months. It was something different.

I took my crazy cab ride through crowded streets, laughing to myself over how different it was than driving in the US. And realizing I'd missed it. We pulled up to my school, I climbed the stairs to my room, and I walked in. I was home.

I miss many things in the US, but my life is here. I've made my life here. I've worked hard to make a home, friends, out-of this-word experiences, and familiarity. It was a big risk, a big choice, and it's one I don't regret. As I read earlier today, we need to be happy with the choice and not unhappy with the loss. I, fortunately, feel like I've lost little and gained a lot. That's a choice I can be happy with.

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Comments

[long]

I am really happy for you. I've been following your blog for a while. Good luck on your time in China.

[sunketing]

Thanks!
Thanks for your good wishes! I hope you keep enjoying my blog.