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Then I'll begin.
I must say I wouldnt normally do a blog when we've mainly travelled and not done much. But this was so bad we needed a mouthpiece.
Joanna left you when we were in Luang Prabang...That evening we headed back to pick up our passports complete with Vietnam Visas.....except they weren't there at 4pm, or at 7pm...or at 10pm. Gutted. So after a lot of to-ing and fro-ing, Nom eventually rocks up at our guest house, entirely oblivious to the panic, with a big grin on his face and our passports in his hand. Phew. Attention very quickly turned from him, to the youngest lad in the family who owned the guest house.. he'd just been caught smoking. Cue bedlam. His dad chased him through the guesthouse slapping and punching him, his older sister sat him down and gave him what can only be described as a roasting before smashing his two badminton rackets to bits. We just sat and nursed our beers.
In the morning we woke nice and early (as the Lao folk love to do), and waited for a minibus to pick us up. And waited....and waited. Hmmmm. Eventually when they turned up in a non a/c bus with tiny seats, we were a mixture of relieved and annoyed. But we sucked it up and got on... I slept along the back seat, while Jo had an asian man sleeping on her shoulder... haha. Eventually we arrived in Phonsavan. My god that place is uninspiring. One road. Loads of guesthouses... one decent place to eat (Craters). Rubbish.
We stayed in The White Orchid Guesthouse, which was really nice, and whats better really cheap, and whats better, they gave you breakfast. Result! Having had a bit of a fiasco getting there we decided to check our onward journey. We had a bus booked to Hanoi on the Saturday. Except no buses left the town on Saturday. So we booked on the Plain of Jars tour and asked the little smiley dude ( I know it sounds patronising, but he was little, very smiley, and also a dude.) to check out what we could do. He told us not to worry and he'd sort out a bus to Vinh (not where we had paid to go, or indeed anywhere near it, but it was Vietnam, and had to be better than Phonsavan).
So now its Friday in the story, and we went along on the Plain of Jars Tour... it was good to see, and the guide explained about the secret war. (During the Vietnam war the bloody Yanks in an attempt to destroy the Ho Chi Minh trail bombed Laos to pieces. Then denied it) In site one of the plain of jars they found 127 UXO's (unexploded ordinence). The Jars were nice enough, and we had a good walk, but once you've seen a stone jar (made from different rock to anywhere in Laos and their origin and use is a mystery) you've seen them all. That said, there were some very big jars. Bigger than me infact. As part of the tour we were taken to the whiskey village where they make Lao-Lao from sticky rice. Although village is a bit of an exaggeration. It was a house. House is a bit of an exaggeration. It was a shed. They insisted we try some for free. I know what you're thinking- free alcohol great! Not at 10am it aint. We also saw a russian tank that the russians gave to the vietnamese to help them in the war with America.Got back to the guesthouse and chilled. To be fair there wasn't much choice.
Had a typically early night. (in Laos there is an 11pm curfew, its not strictly enforced, but nowhere is open so you dont really have a say in the matter.) On Saturday we did nothing, except change rooms so we had a TV - well it was a Saturday
and to quote Joanna "Saturday means Football" (whipped).
Sunday- go and get a cuppa, this is a big un.
We woke up at 0530 in the AM. Not a good start to any day, but what was about to unfold was spectacularly bad. Got on the bus in Phonsavan at 6.30 and set off on time, thinking it wasn't too bad or too crowded, infact there were spare seats. How naive. Within about 45 minutes the bus, which had 35 real seats, had about 60 people on it, on plastic chairs, on the floor, i honestly think there was someone on the roof. Off we went, winding round the mountains slowly, bumpily, until we got to the Vietnam border. All in check it was back on the bus. At oneish we stopped and had what can loosely be described as food. More accurately it was something from a biology lad. Liver and Arteries...yummy! We arrived in Vinh cramped and grumpy, I had Elbows Magee sat next to me, i swear he's bruised my ribs.. this was at 18.30. We had met 2 swiss guys and decided that we would press on to Hanoi. A bloke from the bus stn said he had a bus going in an hour to Hanoi, " direct, a/c, 5 hours, not crowded to Hanoi Old Quarter". You'd have thought we would have learned.It was very indirect, stopping every 5minutes to let people on or off. No Aircon, 8 hours and very crowded and we good booted off 7km away for the Old Quarter. I should mention the Vietnamese driving. In a word mental. If you are a nervous passanger take the train. Horns blaring, some of the dodgiest overtakes I have ever witnessed. I thought I was a gonner a few times yesterday. And again I was sat next to a diamond fella. The most popular man in asia. His phone was ringing no stop, and he couldnt hold it properly, no no no. His arm was at 90 degrees to his ear, with his elbow at my throat.
At 2am we got taken off the bus and forced into a taxi and into a hostel. The 2 swiss fella were getting very angry, but I'd gone through the anger barrier and was starting to find things funny. The Hostel turned out to be alright, but Joey was a timebomb waiting to go off, she was cryey and angry, so when the bloke started chatting to us about tours after a 21.5 hour journey I literally had to throw him out the room for his own sake. I should just mention, if you dont think that what we endured yesterday was too bad. I'll just play the ace I've been hiding up my sleeve. Out of the 21.5 hour journey, we had to listen to very loud, very annoying, very bad asian music, for EVERY SECOND OF IT. I swear its a form of torture to soften you up so they can scam you senselss in the cities.
As i said the room was ok but at 9 am the room was shaking to the sound of a hammer next door- they were still building it. Brilliant. We checked out and went to a Hostel we were meant to be at on Saturday night before all the things went wrong. Its really nice and we are on the top floor with 3 walls of windows.
Hanoi from what we've seen so far is really nice, and a bit mental. Although you kinda have to risk you life to cross the road. We made a video of it just to make it that bit trickier. But we will put our photos of Laos and Hannoi up as soon as we get a computer that can read my camera. We are looking at a 3 day tour of Halong Bay before coming back to Hannoi next weekend.
Anyway, I hope I haven't bored you too much I know its been a long blog, but I just hope it shows that its not all fun and games. You might have to sit next to the most popular man in asia or Elbows Magee for 21.5 hours.
I will finally point out that all of these goings on is Joannas fault, and I'll tell you why: In Luang Prabang I suggested going back to Vientiane and getting a sleeper bus from there to Hanoi. Easy simple steps. Joanna said... and I quote... "I'm not going back to Vientiane, because the bus ride was horrible".
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Elbows Magee
Well at least you are managing to see the good, bad and ugly - but that bus trip does sound gastly!! Hope you enjoy the rest of your stay there.