I've Changed

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Before I left, I used to ponder how much this experience would change me or if it would at all. I decided that the latter was most unlikely, and if it were the case, it would be unfortunate.

A few things have happened as of late that aren't really significant by themselves, until you really sit back and look at them. Which I have just now done. Sort of a surprise conglomeration. Here are the big two:


1. We shall politely say I had a friend. I am not going into the details of who he or she was or how I knew them, or what caused this relationship to become past tense. It's not really important.

After I moved here, we lost touch, in part because said individual was being a bit of a stuck-up, self-righteous stick-in-the-mud. They didn't like China and weren't happy for me and were bound and determined to tell me everything I was doing was wrong and that this country (that I love) is full of horrid people.
Yes, let's judge a country solely by its governement's policies. Mind you, said individual did agree that it wasn't fair to be judged by others for the actions of our president. So, yes, a double standard.

You can see why I ended the friendship. Real friends stick by you even if they think you're being foolish and catch you when you fall. They also tell you when you're making a huge mistake that will be detrimental in the long run. Moving here wasn't bad for my health or well-being, so there's no reason to dig into me or it at every opportune moment.

So I decided, for the hell of it, to read said person's blog today for the first time since August.
I'm gleeful to discover that I'm happier than they are (they, too, are teaching overseas). And not just a little, but a lot.

I'm discovering, now looking at "Pat's" postings, that "Pat" is not the person I thought they were. (Wow, there's some grammar for you!) Still strong willed, opinionated. I like that. But now having lived outside the US, Pat's opinions strike me as being really USA-centric (is that a word?). I love the US, but when you live overseas, you look at the US from the outside and the world more from the inside. This isn't Pat's first time overseas for an extended period of time, should you be wondering about that.

Likewise, Pat hasn't put in much effort to really learn about Pat's new culture, rather Pat just gets annoyed and cranky when things aren't done the way they would be in the west. Like any country, including the US, Pat's new country needs to be embraced as a whole, its good parts and not-so-good parts. There's a reason things are the way they are, and you need to work with them. Sometimes you can even use them to your advantage.

Ironically, Pat mentioned Taiwan as looking good for a future place to go. I would love to gently remind this newspaper-quoting, "worldly" individual that Taiwan has a new pro-China president and there are now airflights between China and Taiwan on a daily basis for the first time in 60 years. Yeah, Taiwan is the place for you. Go read the paper.


2. In all my years of grumbling about the chaos of the holiday, the stress, the overplayed music... I miss Christmas.
I am wished Merry Christmas by my students (it's so cute!) and my principal is taking Roy and I to dinner tomorrow night. And then this weekend we are going to the Moscow State Symphony Orchestra for a New Year's concert. I love the symphony! And let's just say that my seat will be excellent, judging by the sticker price.

But it's not the same. Sure, I have friends here, and I've gotten some e-cards. I've got 2 parties and a gift exchange. I even have an 8 inch tree. But it's not the same.

I don't have weeks of parties, warm hugs from best friends, the excitement of shopping for the perfect gift, the feeling of coziness as it's -14 outside and I'm inside with red wine, Bing Crosby, and Charlie Brown. There's no anticipation, no excitement. It's just a Thursday. And people are trying so hard to make it special for me, but it's just not the same.

I didn't think I would miss Christmas this much. I'm liking the lack of stress. But I'm missing the lack of love and sentiment.


So there you have it, two things that I didn't anticipate, much less so early in the year. I've changed. And I think it's a good thing.


Now to go cut out snowflakes and tape them to my windows...

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Comments

[Bill Cheng]

Change is good
Cheer up! :) Change is good. A lot of people are afraid of changes. We should embrace changes. For cheering you up, I will make you a snow angle and have some eggnog for you. Cheers! And Merry Christmas!