The changes I've made

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This is probably the most serious I will be in this journal. But isn’t it appropriate to start things off in this fashion? Without reflection, without thoughts, without understanding where someone is coming from, how can you begin to understand the changes that they undertake in their life?

My experience at Kansai Gaidai University was an eye-opening one. Never did I think I would change so drastically from the moment I walked through the doors at Seminar House Three to the time I left with suitcases in hand. Though the changes are subtle from my perspective, the people I have reconnected with here in America can see a radical difference from the time I left until now. I am aware of more things, including patterns of behavior, cultural differences and norms, the way people think about the world at large, and various other topics that I hadn’t given much thought to before. To use a southern adage, I’m now officially the speckled puppy in a liter of brown terriers: we’re the same because we’re all puppies but something isn’t quite right about me.

And I openly embrace that difference. It has made me a better person in the long run, and it will allow me into new avenues as I proceed through life. That tomboy who loved sports, wearing male clothing, and rough housing with her older cousins has softened a bit. Now I’m more feminine, outgoing in a different sense in that I love connecting with people and understanding who they are. I don’t care how we are different; I look for the similarities and embrace the differences. It’s what makes us each unique, isn’t it?

Japan gave me a welcomed makeover. I was talking with Felix just last night about how we view relationships with friends and other people differently since leaving KGU. I also now understand that if there is a will then there is a way. I didn’t want to return to America in the slightest bit, to be honest. There are things about this country that have hurt me since the beginning of my life. I don’t like the sexual inequality, the overbearing amount of racism, the corrupt politics or the necessity for war. I don’t like the fact that working three part-time jobs will still never earn me the equivalent of what a male working one part-time job makes. I don’t like how that, no matter how hard I try and no matter how hard I push, I will never be good enough to the people around me.

I found something at Kansai Gaidai that I thought I had lost: family. I still have my mother and father, my extended relatives, those people who are near and dear to my heart. But even with them there I’ve never felt a true sense of connection. I’ve always felt odd and awkward, even though I do love them dearly and know I can’t ever be without them. But at KGU I found family in the friends that I relied on for strength, who gave me support each step of the way. We were all away from our families, we were all a little scared, a little confused, a little mixed up. We had our similarities, our connections, our bonds. We were tied together in a very unique way, and some of us were allowed to grow a little closer to others than we expected.

Which is why Sweden is now in my immediate future; it is a change I am looking forward to, and I know that with the people I have made close friends and family with I will be absolutely all right. It will be hard these next few months without them constantly in my daily life. I know I will have to work, if not a full-time job then several part time jobs. I will have to contend with sexual discrimination, the crude remarks towards people of different race and culture, the doubting remarks from people who don’t believe I can make such a transition. I’ve already faced some of these things in being home just for three days. But I know that if I let them get me down now then things will never get off the ground. Once I submit my visa papers it will be working nonstop to learn the language, to make money to pay off my loan, and to make money for the change of a lifetime. I go into all of this with an open mind and heart. I go into this knowing that things will be better on the other side. That, the encouragement of my friends, and the knowledge that my family is waiting for me is what gives me the reason to smile.

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Comments

[vnano]

Love
Wow. Just wow. ^^ Love ya sis /Vince