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Published: November 18th 2007
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...was what I screamed from the backseat of our motorbike as we wizzed through the almost empty streets of Chiang Mai at 3 am. We luckily missed the elephant, unfortunately though not the suicidal stray dog that scampered in front of the bike-- I felt a deep thud as we smacked into it. Terrified and screaming I could hold on to nothing (no security-- no belts, no handles, no nothing on the bikes!), helmet-less, and fully aware that my drunken driver was swerving too close to the parked cars on the left and oncoming traffic from the right each time he turned his head to speak. Seeing my own gruesome and tragic death, I politely and firmly that we should pull over so I could practice learning to ride. And, perhaps becoming aware that he in fact
did drink almost the entire bottle of whiskey at the bar we were leaving (for some reason my glass didn't ever get empty, no matter how many times I put the cup to my lips...), Eric slowed down to the left. I didn't think driving would be difficult-- like a bike really, just make sure to steer straight. However, I've never driven a
motorcycle, and cannot drive manual cars, so as a beginner I didn't do too well. Just well enough to pull us into a side street with food stalls (street food is open 24 hrs/day) and get us Eric's favorite passayou. That's a dish a fat rice noodles usually stir fried with meat and a sprig of veg. You load it with dried chilli, peanuts, and/or sugar, then dig in with your spoon. Have I mentioned that putting a fork in your mouth is considered crude in Thailand? You only use the fork to push food onto your
spoon...
So anyways, we sat discussing the possibility of Eric finding and marrying a suitable Thai woman, as well as the benefits of living in Thailand instead of Canada, and by the time we were done well over an hour had passed and he'd sobered up enough to safely drive us back home for the night.
...so 7-ish pm we went out for a birthday dinner celebration with Eric's Thai friends, one of whom is turning 32 (Mek). The group I met at the restuarant was a very animated crowd, enjoying their
once-a-week night off with much drunken
sanuk. I realized they all have monosyllabic names-- mostly just letters from the alphabet, so I've decided I'll have to see if I can collect them all. Maybe even start a photo alphabet-friend book. Tonight I met Bee; I've already met Tee, Pee, Em, and Yoo!
After dinner Eric took me to his favorite (Thai) country bar, at the end of a strip of girl bars with glaring purples lights; this one is actually a dark and crowded, though completely wholesome, place for fun loving drunken Thais to shake their bodies and chug endless glasses of whiskey in soda water. I very quickly realized the band was repeating the same five songs (two of them being "Happy Birthday to You!") and that every person there knew and was able to emphatically belt out the lyrics to each of the hits. I'm oblivious to the words, but judging by the deeply intense swaying and/or screaming those sure were some powerfully emotional songs, yess'ir.
I spent the whole time trying to avoid both 1) drinking (I think my dad's recent wedding reception proves I'm able to shamelessly let loose and party, but whiskey
is not on my list of pleasantries), and 2) having to pretend to dance (which involves pointing your thumbs out and up, doing a whole wax-on/ wax-off routine across your chest, and bending/ straightening your knees--- think girls in a surfing magazine, but slow) . I did lots of people watching, and helped try to convince the girls Eric was hitting on that I'm his sister, not his wife. We didn't get very far.
This morning we both woke up uber late and lazed around watching Aljazeera, drinking tea, and of course, talking about how wonderful life for expats in Thailand is. Then we hit up the sumo wresting championship. Today was both men and women from bits of Asia, bits of Europe, and even the USA. I don't think I can explain the sadistic joy we got in watching all those jiggly, rolly-poley bodies waddle around the gym floor. There are so many questions in my head when I see them! How do they wrestle with a diaper thong wedged in their butts? Do these guys go to bed with a wife at night? If so, do they crush them?? Do any of the women
have husbands/ boyfriends who go crazy for their sumo bodies? It was suprisingly entertaining, however short the matches are. If you blink you can miss them. The best part is when two really, really huge people are paired up-- Eric and I sat in the bleachers placing bets, sighing, cheering, and whooping along with the crowd. The best match was the super teeny, tiny Thai guy paired up against a huge mammoth-- no question who's gonna toss whom right? But no! The Thai mouse jumped right through the ogres's charge and kicked him out of the ring within 2 seconds! The crowd went wild.
Hmm, so after sumo we took a joyride north of the city into the mountains. Motorbikes are so dangerously fun on the highway. Next we met up with a couchsurfer at the Sunday street market, an endless array of crowded street stalls, vendors, food, crafts, blind and/or deformed singers... Scott, the other couchsurfer, is a chef from Seattle who's also bumming SE Asia for the winter, very nice guy.
Eric then took me out to a housewarming party of his friend Phen. She lives "out in the 'burbs",
about 12 km north of Chiang Mai. Her neighborhood actually does resemble the cookie-cutter houses popping up all over Arizona, except instead of cactus and gravel yards they are blooming with orchids, water fountains, and elephant statues (and a 3 bedroom place costs only 60K). I expected something of an indoor kegger, maybe some appetizers, normal chitchat. However, I was totally shocked as we pulled onto her street and heard a Thai pop band blasting from down the street! There were about 150 people sitting out at round tables, filling the street, and set in front of a huge flashing, blasting stage. Each table was loaded with whiskey and soda-water bottles, and plates of half-eaten food from the 20 foot buffet. The band consisted of one male and 6 female singer/ dancers, who rotated in shifts of 3 to 5 persons. The person in the middle held the mic while everyone else on their side girated erotically in skimpy hotpants and flashy tops. On the streetside opposite the house a bunch of children lit large white paper lanterns and released them into the air-- a prelude to the Loi Krathong festival on the 24th, and also a wishing of good
luck for Phen. As part of the housewarming (which started promptly at 7 am) numerous monks came to bless the house and perform a traditional ceremony of good luck and cleansing.
It was an interesting and memorable night, bizarre for the completely unexpected extravagance. I once again found myself trying to avoid the consumption of whiskey and stand-dancing, but was able to excuse my slightly wallflower-ishness by chatting with Phen's California boyfriend who was grooved-out from having been there for over 15 hours already...
Now sleep! Its already 4:40 am....?
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Cam and Donna
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Feels as if we're there!
Court, You've heard this from us before, but your writing is wonderful! It makes us feels as if we are there with you (although we would probably want to miss the "exhausting" hikes through the mountains of NW Thailand...) You're descriptions of the "scenes" in Chaing Mai--especially in the markets--take me back to my Air Force days when we spent so much time in Bangkok. I remember being fairly adventurous but drawing the line at trying the "bolut" (I think that's the spelling) from the street vendors. They take a nearly-hatched chicken out of the egg and grill it... Hmmm. On that note, we hope you'll keep the fantastically-descriptive blog going--we love it! Love you, Donna and Cam