An Ethiopian, Ugandan, and American walk into a bar

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The bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here?" (that was just for you Brown)

Sorry I don't have any good jokes for that line.

I can tell you that "These hips do lie." Everyone will vouch that I can't dance and if I never hear Chakira again, it will be too son.
I also had an interesting conversation with the Ethiopian. He was telling me about their Millenium coming up on Sept 11. Anyway he made the comment that Ethiopian was younger than the rest of the world (jokingly).
To which I asked him... "That is strange. Isn't it believed that the first humans actually came from Ethiopian." He was puzzled, went and conversed with his friend and came back saying "I've never thought about that."

Oh yeah, This might be a sign that I've spent too much time in Africa. Beer prices went up last this week. Last night it cost 3500 UGX for 500ml of beer. It used to cost 2500 UGX. I was very unhappy about this. Now in perspective, my beer price has gone up about $.60 to a whopping $2.25 for 500ml of beer.

Ok and now some short stories.

Muzungo and the African Problem

I fear I may have done what I really wanted to avoid. I solved an African problem with a western solution that will fail as soon as I leave.
I was asked to create a form on the computer. They want to be able to enter information about their students and then send it to potential sponsors in the UK. I said, this sounds like a good use of a database, and Access is on the computer. Makes sense, huh?

Well I've spent the last week working with one of the teachers. He has been dictating the childrens' stories to me as I enter them. This week I'm supposed to help the him and the other teachers learn to use the progam.
So on Friday I started teaching the teachers about the computer.
Now my dilemna. How do you explain to someone databases, tables, reports, forms, and queries when you spent an hour teaching, double click, "Ctrl-Atl-Del", and left and right mouse button.

Hmmmm. We will see, but I hope it works out.

The three topics not to discuss

Sitting around having lunch one day, two of the teachers got in a pointed discussion about religion. They of course asked me my opinion about prayer or something. I didn't want to answer because I didn't agree with either one of them. I just said, "In my country, there are three subjects you don't discuss among friends. Religion, Politics, and sex." They were shocked and asked "Aren't you free? Why can't you discuss politics, or religion or sex?" I replied that because people often feel strongly about those subjects and then they fight. After lunch one of the teachers told me he agreed with me about not discussing those things, but he didn't understand why not discuss sex. To which I replied, "What if you are talking to your friend about sex and you find out he is homosexual." You should have seen this man turn white from disgust... I thought it was funny.

Bible Interpretation
Staying on the religion subject. We were coming back from lunch and we passed a bar. I was feeling froggy this day, so I asked one of the teachers if he drinks alcohol. He said "No." "Why?" "The bible says it is a sin?" (here we go)
"Where in the bible does it say that?"
"Isiah.... (something else, I don't remember)"
"So in the old testemant?"
"Galatians in the new testemant."
"Galatians that is a letter written by Paul... not something Jesus himself said. What about Jesus turning water into wine?"
"Well, He didn't use Yeast? Yeast is what makes wine bad, it is an instrument of the devil."
"Yeast, are you telling me Jesus made non-alcoholic wine?"
"No, but he didn't use Yeast, just water."
"So yeast is bad... do you eat bread? You know it is made with yeast."
This went on for a the rest of the way home. I didn't make any progress on trying to get a more "sensible" interruptation.
When we got back we got out the bible and he showed me the Galatians verse and I found the passage about the water to wine.

Really though, if I'm going to support open iterpretation of the bible then you should be able interpret it any way that makes you happy.

Ladies shirt

One of the first things I realized I needed for working in the school was a decent looking shirt. I got one of the teachers to go with me to the market and help me get a decent looking 2nd hand shirt. I can't go alone, I'll get over charged. So we found a nice "golf" shirt. I paid, 3500 UGX (price of a beer now) for the shirt. Yesterday, I put the shirt on (I've been wearing it for 4 weeks now) and I realized that the buttons are on the wrong side. I have a nice ladies golf shirt. Oh well, nobody here knows the difference.

Digging in the dirt

Yesterday I went to the garden with my Auntie, african lady I rent the room from. We planted beans and maize. I only mention this because everyone found it strange that "Muzungo digs." I never knew that working a hoe was such a complicated thing. Though that being said, the teachers don't let me go to lunch alone in case I get lost. strange

Pickpocketed -- twice

Well if finally happened I had something stolen from me... twice.
The first time I got my pocket picked it was down town by the bus station. I was waiting for my friend Cait to arrive. (why I was waiting at the bus station for her and not just telling her where to go is her story, not mine.) But her bus finally arrived and I was talking to her through the window of the bus while it sat in traffic trying to get into the bus park. She handed me some of her stuff through the window and I was just standing there talking. Suddenly this guy bumps into me. Natural reaction... check pockets... shit.. wallet is missing. Damn, mind races... was just here. Turn around and not 5 feet behind me is the guy walking away holding my wallet. I run up and grab it back from him. The people watching me want to know what I didn't "deck" him. I don't really know, I actually had a club in my hand. I think I was just happy that I got the wallet back. I should have held him though. The crowd would have beaten him to a pulp... that is the African way of dealing with a thief.

And the next time.
So last night we went out... clubbing... I know, not my scene. I was conscience that this would probably be a good place for pickpockets. So I took my cash out of my wallet and just had change in the wallet. I put my phone in my velcroed hip pocket and went to town.
Damn, nobody got my wallet, I really wanted them to. But they did get my phone. Oh well. I'm not too gutted. It was really about broken down and only about half the keys worked anymore. But what upsets me is that I had numbers in there that I don't have anywhere else. And I don't think those people have my email either. Oh well. What to do, what to do.

Those are my tales from this side of the world today.

One last question: You have to wash your nalgene bottle. Your choices for soap are shampoo or Omo powdered laundry detergent. Which do you choose?

Answer: I chose Laundry detergent!

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Comments

[Dave Krocak]

Where have I been?
Farrell! I went to northern MN last weekend. You should have been there. It's probably a lot like Uganda, only entirely different. I need to catch up on some of your exploits. Safe travels.

[Dave Krocak]

PS
I would've used laundry detergent too.