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Published: August 5th 2007
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Neptune and his "ahem"
This is what I'm talking about So I missed another bus which in turn caused me to miss my train from Bologna to Milan. So now, I’m just typing away in one of the waiting areas with my buddy, Cliff. It doesn’t even faze me anymore. And you must realize, that I do a lot of planning (like elaborate excel spreadsheets of exact arrival/departure times and buying tickets well in advance, I spend more time doing this over anything else) but I’ve learned something about life; as much as you try to control different areas of your life, there are some things that just are up to fortune, whether you believe in it or not. In the beginning of the trip, I would get really upset about missing trains and how unreliable buses/taxis/trains (they have strikes ALL the time) can be at times, but it’s just best to take it all in with a grain of salt.
I got to Bologna earlier than Cliff did, and I simply could not get over how nice it was for 19.50€ a night! Then I looked outside… not only were we in the middle of nowhere (it was the last bus stop but at the same time, very convenient) our
hotel was right next to a PRISON! Haha, I started bursting into laughter. Then, I took the bus ride to the supermarket and to grab dinner (btw, the food here is MUCH cheaper than touristy regions such as Florence and Venice), and on the way back, I noticed that everyone getting off of my stop was, let’s say, a little off the mark. And for my
little off the mark readers… the riders were mentally ill. The little house/apartment complex/projectz next to our hotel looked like something out of Cops. And there were disputes outside and Italian polizia had to keep things in order.
Yesterday was pretty awesome. And by pretty awesome, I mean pretty awesomely thrift. We spent less than 40 Euros throughout the whole day. The budget hotel that we booked just kept getting better. The breakfast was delicious (although, I wasn’t too fond of the warm milk served with the cereal). So Cliff and I realized how poor we were, so we decided to try to do everything that was free, because we’d seen all the nice churches and museums in Italy already. So we went to see the statue of Neptune. And there’s a funny story
behind it. The original sculptor was given instructions by the church to bring Neptune’s package to that of a less godly size. So the sculptor obeyed, probably because the church threatened to chop off his very own member. Well, the sculptor, being the clever yet perverted bastard that he was, used illusion (Neptune’s thumb on his left hand) to give his god the attention that he deserves and to give the The Finger (pun intended) to the church officials. Brilliant, just look at my photos.
After looking through Cliff’s guidebook, we found out that we could take a tour of Ducati, FOR FREE. (Sidebar: One of the few reasons why I visited Bologna is because it is home to Ferrari, Lamborghini and Ducati. That, my friend, is no coincidence.) I really wanted to visit the Ferrari Museo, but it was, you know, not free which would have ruined the theme of the day. We didn’t make reservations for the Ducati tour, but by using our charm, we got in, : ). It was well worth it; well worth our time. We got to see the production of each bike, from start to finish; it’s just too bad we weren’t allowed
to take photos in the factory. It was worse that they didn’t give out free Ducati’s. Man, those bikes are beautiful. And as we were touring the factory, I realized how proud I was to speak English (and speak it well, for that matter). And even prouder to be American, and MOST PROUD to be from Los Angeles. Let me expand. Whenever I see tourists communicate to others, they use English as their common ground. I saw a Korean tourist use English to a French tourist. That’s right, thanks to the U.S. being the superpower that it truly is, they both had to learn English in at least one stage of their lives. But what was profound was, if 2 people are speaking broken English, that’s just as ineffective as me trying to talk to a fish. But if at least one person knows it fluently (in this case, me) and the other can at least put together phrases (in this case, the Ducati tour guide), then all is swell. The other members of our English tour guide were from non-U.S. countries and I could tell they were having a tough time understanding her. Secondly, being an American... Stand tall
Sexy
Both the bike and that guy my fellow Americans (did you get that?). I realized why we might get a bad rap in other countries. Since many people speak English (usually American English because that’s what’s on TV and in movies), I think that a lot of touristy city dwellers think that ALL English speaking tourists are from the U.S. Interesting, eh? Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen my share of Florida folk who have sat on top of counter tops at Bars (not the alcoholic ones, the caffes) asking if “y’allz got any popcorn chicken”. Lastly, why am I so proud to be from LA besides the fact that it is hands down THE Greatest Metropolitan Area in the entire universe? And besides the fact that we have Kobe (please stay, Kobe)? When people ask me where I’m from (I literally told Cliff this story like a day before this trip), I don’t say I’m from the States, or California, or even Southern California… I say I’m from Los Angeles. And guess what? They all know what I’m talking about. I see the envy in their poor eyes. I see the disdain and the hunger that they have to perhaps have just 1 chance to
at least step foot in The City of Angels. Haha, joking aside, when you come from a city, excuse me, a world renowned city: London, NY, LA or Tokyo, you’re allowed to say “I’m from ___”. “I’m from Sacramento” just doesn’t have the same ring to it, I’m sorry. And you blind Norcal kids are going to say, “Come on bro, everyone knows Sac-town and Bibby”. Yeah, everyone who’s unfortunate to have heard of those two words probably lives in America. And as I currently type the word, if you can call it that, “Hella”, I notice that Microsoft Word draws a red squiggly line under it. I believe the red line signifies that either the word typed is not spelled correctly or the word DOESN’T EXIST. Take it to Billy Gates. Well, I’ll leave it at that.
If you have enjoyed this glimpse of my travel journal (and aren’t sick of all the tangents and parentheses) please read my travel blog: www.mytb.org/jkiddy, it’s so sad how I have 1 freaking subscriber, and she’s not even someone I know. And yes, it’s free, you cheap ass.
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Jon Ma
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LA all the way, hella.