Getting There

---

Sea-Tac Airport 6:30am
Alaskan Airlines Check-in Counter

e-tickets are awesome to say the least. A minute in front of a touch screen and a few more seconds to hand your bag in. No need to show up at the airport two hours in advance. But wait! Not everyone understands this “new” technology. Not everyone knows to pack only two bags. Not everyone has taken their ID out of their five-fold wallet/business card holder/family photo album, prior to approaching the counter.
Yes, we are perfect. We pack only the items we are going to need for our trip, check in everything that might beep, and carry only a wallet (a tiny one) and a little purse with a cell phone, cigarettes, and matches.
The line is not smaller at the security check line. Why, you ask? How hard can it be for people to put a tiny purse and shoes on a tray and walk through a gate? It turns out that NOBODY bothers to read the signs, and in this case watch the huge TV as they are waiting, that tells all about the new security procedures. Because if they had…
They would not be holding two bags each. In those bags they would not have everything they will NOT NEED on a two hour flight!!!!!! I don’t care how self-conscious you are, you are not going to need 20 little bottles of make-up for a touch up on the plane. You are NOT!!!!! And no, this is not an exaggeration. I saw this.
I assume you know the rule about liquids and such on the plane. Small, zip-locked… not at all if possible.
So you show up two hours before your flight, you indulge yourself on overpriced terminal coffee without cigarettes and wait for your delayed flight.
First class is called first. Duh! Then Elite, then handicaps, children, vegetarians… ok I went too far. Then the last rows. We are last rows! This is a 30 row plane. It should be easy. I don’t get up. I wait. When there are about five people on the boarding line we go in. By in I mean the long hallway that takes you to the plane. The line is stopped. Did I mention I have not smoked in the past two hours?
All of those "two little bags" that everyone brought in do NOT fit in the overhead compartments of a small plane! Imagine that. The owners of those bags do not understand that concept. They are supposed to fit. NO! A two square foot object cannot and will not fit into a one square foot space!!!!!!! It will not, just because the airline allowed you to bring it on with you. So we are waiting while our fellow passengers try to defy laws of physics, by shoving. And failing.
They can move out of the way for a second… No. Right now is all about that bag. They can put it underneath their seat… No. That won’t work. They need the attention of the flight attendant and delay the flight even more… YES!
Then they can call their relatives from their cell phones to bitch about the delayed flight. A flight that after all that trouble should be a safe one. Safe if we all follow the on board safety rules and regulations. And I’m not talking about the floating seat cushion and air mask thing that you will not need. I’m talking about that cell phone that instead of turning it off, you put it on silent and use the text message option!!!!!!! Are we fucking serious?
I have made a list of everything in my bags. I have made it possible for me to enjoy a hassle-free flight. I have been courteous to others by doing all this. I’m not going to push my seat a couple of inches back to bother the person behind me. I will read the magazine provided by the airline, filled with ads of stuff I don’t care to buy. I will not smoke in the lavatory, although I might die soon due to the emo fuck next to me who is texting his girlfriend AFI lyrics that he’s listening to on his still ON ipod, both of which should be turned off as instructed by LAW.
How long has it been since my last cigarette?

---

Comments

[Candice]

you have rage
Where are y'all going? I'm guessing some where not that far. A,lso, I always bring a little back pack, but it fits under the seat in front of me, as I'm reminded it needs to for both take off and landing, every time I fly. Flight attendants are such pleasant little cunts. Don't you agree?