The adventures of Veronica & Simon

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Ok, before I continue with this story; I have added a shit load of new people to this blog and I feel it’s only fair to explain about Veronica at this point. For those who already know the full version and its origins I will be brief. Veronica is just an alter ego; she comes alive when I travel. Let’s just say I embody that free spirit when I’m on the road, so all the nonsense you here about, the crazy shit, excess drinking, dangerous activities, and just plain retardedness is all Veronica. It’s not shit I would normally do back home, well maybe some of it. So I say lets blame this all on Veronica, I didn’t do it.

After having left the group back in Cuzco after the Inca Trail I was still in constant contact with a few people. When I found out that they would be in Santiago de Chile I figured I'd bus it all the way there to hang out with them again. Given that I was still new at work, going on a trip for a few days isn’t something most people ask for. But I did, and I was able to leave for about 5 days or so.

Now after the 24 hour bus ride that was scheduled to be 20, you realize that border crossings aren’t much fun and can take up to 3 hours. By the time I reached Santiago I wasn’t even sure I was in the right place. My ass was sore from sitting and I didn’t even know where the fuck I was going. Plus the group wasn’t going to get in until after 8pm and I happened to be there by 2pm. I remember taking out my trusty guide book and calling up a few hostels until I found a place near the center for $4 a night. After not being charged for the calls, I was on a mission to find the hostel. Good thing this time I wasn’t traveling with my fat kid on my back.

Once I was at the metro station I was asking the guy at the ticket counter for directions, which turned into random nonsense. Instead of giving me directions he starts asking me shit like, where are you from, and if you come to this station daily I can show you around town. And I was really frustrated at that point from the trip and wasn’t up for bullshit and I said, look all I want is directions to this other station, and I could hear a man behind me say, get laid on your own time, in Spanish of course.

All of a sudden I ended up on this weird part of town that was a bit dirty and it didn’t look safe. And I had to double check the hostel address when I was standing in front of it. I kept saying, this isn’t right, maybe there’s another one. So I go upstairs and I ask for a room and this woman shows me the only one available. I remember asking for another one without a whole in the wall, she said this all we have. So I said fuck it, I'll take it cuz I don’t have a lot of cash on me and I need a place to stay really cheap.

I remember tracking down the hotel where the group would be staying and I left a message for Simon and Lana that I would be there by at 10pm for dinner. Let me just say that Santiago was by far the hottest city in South America for me. After walking around the city for a few hours I had to go back to the hostel to shower. After that experience I realized that there were people living at the hostel, mostly women. Throughout the course of the night I began to see more and more men at the hostel just sitting around, and the women had there doors open and were all dressed up sitting in there beds like they were waiting for something.

And I remember going no FUCKEN WAY; I’m staying in a hooker hotel. FUCK! I guess I should’ve taken the money that Stephen was giving me before I left BA. I wanted to kick myself at that point, but I said FUCK IT, you get what you paid for. That would explain the 2 ring pad locks on the door as security.

Later that evening I asked if it was safe to walk around the streets and the guy at the door said no, take a cab right now to go anywhere. Well against my better judgment I took off walking really quickly because I was late meeting up with Simon & Lana.

Talk about coincidence, I accidentally stumbled upon some of the group standing in front of a theatre and it was so cool to see then all again including their new additions. After walking back to the hotel I remember we were all standing around just talking and I was saying hi to a bunch of people when out of nowhere this guy snatches Jackie’s purse and takes off on his bike. That was exciting, and of course Brent and Ary chase after the guy and in the confusion someone left a flip flop behind. Of course the idiot on the bike didn’t take the purse, I think he dropped it somewhere and took off. What an idiot. Moral of the story; if you’re going to steal a purse make sure you take it with you.

After the excitement I was kinda standing there like a deer in head lights for minute. Then Lana asked me if I'd accompany her the next day to finding a tattoo shop and helping her with the translation. In between all the commotion I forgot that I had come to go to dinner with Simon.

Staying in a very touristy part of town in the summer you'd think there were places open till later but everything seemed to close like at 2am it almost felt like being back in L.A. Once we found a place we proceeded to catch up on the last few weeks and all the nonsense with the group. After dinner Simon really wanted to see for himself if I was really staying in a hooker hotel and he walked me back. After a few laughs at how tiny the place was and the semen stains on the wall I was a bit hesitant to want to stay another night. Then I asked Simon if I could crash on their hotel floor for the next few days until we all left Santiago.

The next day I was up early and ready to check out of the hooker hotel and made my way to where the others were staying. Good thing Lana & Simon got there rooms changed. It would’ve been weird sleeping in a room with a brother and sister who have to share one bed. Not that I’m implying anything, but we all know that Lana accidentally miss places her hands while she sleeps. After the free breakfast we went on a scavenger hunt to find this tattoo shop. Let’s say after a few places we found one that was willing to do the small name, and both Simon and I didn’t seem to convince Lana out of getting her tattoo. I still think buying underwear with his name on it was a better choice.

I hardly got to see the rest of the group; everyone seemed to have their own agenda. Most of the girls were either busy shopping, on the internet for countless hours of the day and being fought over by other group leaders. So Simon and I spent a lot of time running around and exploring the city together.

I think both Lana & Simon were glad I was there because they had a personal translator, I didn’t mind as long as I had a place to sleep. After the tattoo we stopped to pick up medications for both because I feared that Simons one month cold was actually malaria. I do remember going for ice cream and then sitting in the main square listening to this guy preach nonsense about the end of the world to a bunch of drunks. I almost felt like I had been transported back home to Mac Arthur park for some reason.

We also spent an entire afternoon looking for the stupid city market, after finding it we quickly realized that we should go because the seafood was making me sick. Then we somehow ended up walking through a fruits and vegetable market right across the street and it got boring quickly. We stopped to eat at this whole in the wall place were it was only locals there and when we ordered the grilled chicken, I think they just cut a whole one in half and served it to us, it was massive but cheap. Afterward we stumbled onto the old train station that was empty except for the photo exhibit that happened to be closed that day.

Then I was on a mission to find the cheapest clothes possible and dragged Simon around to children’s department stores to find little boys clothes that would fit. After being laughed at by an employee for trying in children’s clothes, I was happy with my $1 shirt and a fat girl’s dress that I had found all for under $10.

There was one night when we were told to meet up for dinner and we ended up getting there late because the movie the Illusionist kinda took long. The dinner was pretty uneventful and some of the people were already leaving the group and others were staying on. Afterward I proceeded to find us a local bar because I refused to go to a club and pay lots of money to get in and buy expensive drinks, FUCK THAT.

I think on our last day in the city Simon and I agreed it was time to go visit the castle that was right behind the hotel, we had been putting it off for a few days. After a short climb we realized that the castle was actually closed, but at least we still had the look out point to trek up to. So after a few minutes of standing up and not being able to tell where the hotel was anymore, we were done being tourists for a day.

After meeting up again with the group for dinner this time finally saying good-bye to the group, because I would not be in Buenos Aires by the time they'd get there. And I got to meet some of the new crew that I probably wouldn’t ever see again. The events that followed that dinner are a bit vague, for they were told to me by Simon the next day and Lana picked up were Simon left off about a month later.

So after dinner Simon and I venture off again and end up walking a different way back to the hotel or so we think. Somehow we ended up by the Museo de Bellas Artes, and next to it was hippie market. Man, you could smell the pot in the air, and let’s just say it was a nice walk through the park. After getting lost and finding the fish market we start to head back to the hotel and along the way I stopped to take some pictures.

Somewhere in all this I stopped again to watch the sunset and then Simon gets a call that the group is leaving. So we rush back to the hotel and they say, they just left to the metro station. Then we make a quick dive out to the station and realized that they were all gone. I had totally forgotten that they were all leaving town right after dinner.

Since beer had been making me sick up to that point, Simon came up with a genius idea to find a bar that would serve us hard liquor. Bad idea! After ordering 2 vodka drinks each, which by the way the glass was half full of vodka. I remember thinking to myself, HOLY SHIT were gonna get wasted, so drink slowly. Let’s just say I had to have been really drunk to have ordered us another drink because shortly after that I blacked out. Not something you really want to do when you’re with a guy who never drinks apparently and in a foreign country.

So the contents of this part of the story are courtesy of Simon who was also drunk at the time. So how we did this, and got away with not being killed, robbed or taken by the police, I don’t know. But I do think when we left the bar it was still early out when we proceeded to walk back to the hotel.

After a short walk and attempting to not stumble and use each other as support we stopped and found a bench about half way to the hotel. Mind you we were still on a main street in a very touristy area of Santiago and after a 5 minute rest we decided to continue the walk.

Once we were up and ready Simon grabbed my belongings including my camera that I had left behind on the bench, I have a tendency of loosing cell phones this way back home. And since he had my camera the drunken retard that I am started dancing around in the street while Simon took pictures. Trust me they’re not really funny.

After more walking we finally made it to the street we were on, from here it was probably another 3 blocks, we weren’t really far. And so we only managed to make it as far as a block away before collapsing on the street where Simon cracked his watch. Good thing we were in front of a bank entrance were most homeless people slept.

So after the fall I rolled around the ground for a bit and Simon attempted to get up and realized he no longer had any balance. Oh, and it gets worse. As I lay there squirming around and constantly repeating how drunk I was, Simon was thinking to himself that he was so drunk that even the dizziness was starting to get painful. Then after walking over to where I lay on the ground still twitching, we managed to sit up for a bit.

Then I proceeded to take my shoes off and get really comfortable before falling asleep on Simons shoulder and completely passing out to where I was snoring in his ear. Shortly after, Simon started to doze off while attempting to keep a close eye on the time hoping that we'd sober up soon to go back to the hotel. I think I should’ve mentioned that alcohol does not wear off that easily and it might take a day.

So while I slept, Simon starts to feel a bit sick and decides to crawl over the nearest tree and then vomits all over himself. At that point I wake up to hearing him vomit and crawl over to where he is in a failed attempt to help. I believe at this point we might have stumbled back to the entrance of the bank to sit.

Soon after this a police car drives right past us and then stops and backs up. A cop gets out of his car and walks toward us and started asking us questions. Mind you I have no clue what I said and the only words that Simon knows in Spanish are bill, toilet paper and tomorrow. So Simon attempts to talk to the cop in English and after my failed attempt he doesn’t leave. At which point Simon probably starts to get paranoid that we might be taken away or something and points to the hotel which is only a few doors away.

After grabbing my shoes we finally head off toward the hotel and managed to make it inside. We also somehow managed to make it up to our hotel room, where I immediately fall onto the floor and Simon makes sure I don’t go to bed without a blanket and pillow. He of course goes back to the bathroom to finish vomiting.

Now the following details were a courtesy of Lana who I’m sure must have hated us that night for being so drunk. Sometime in the middle of the night I get up. I’m guessing to the use the bathroom and I stumble out of the hotel room. Simon apparently goes out looking for me but I was no longer on the 6th floor and after 15 minutes I show up again. Where I went, I have no idea? And after attempting to explain what just happened, Lana said that I made no sense what so ever and spoke in weird noises and hand gestures before being told where the bathroom was.

Let me just say that it wasn’t my intention to get completely wasted my last night in town. But it was the most horrible 24 hour bus ride back to Buenos Aires. I did of course feel really bad for getting Simon that wasted since he'd never been drunk in his life before. So I guess Karma caught up to me on the bus when I had to storm out of my seat and run into the bathroom, where like a projectile missile I vomited all over the place, I couldn’t hold it. Then I spent 20 minutes attempting to clean it up.

Moral of the story; make sure you do what Mark does in his black outs and have someone else whos not terribly drunk take care of you.

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Photos

La cordillera de los andes
This was enroute to Santiago on the border between Chile and Argentina. It was scenic ride through the Andes.

Santiagos Cathedral
This was the main square, Plaza de Armas that I passed about a hundred times a day.

Hooker hotel
I was told the hole in the wall was full of cow shit when you got really close. I hadnt expected to stay in a hotel with semen stains by my head. Wonder what that person was aiming at.

Old train station
Simon and I actually went to check out the photo exhibit in town at this old train station but when we got there it was closed.

Simons taking a piss
We took a walk to the castle behind the hotel and found this small garden at the top of the hill.

Hey I thought I was in Santiago not L.A.
Yeah, I was warned about Santiagos air, and I was like Im from L.A. yes I know what it is to breathe the air underneath the yellow layer. Ive gotten used to it.

Lanas last supper in Santiago
Allison, Lana and Ary at dinner.

Claires last day in Santiago
I didnt meet Claire on my trip she wasnt with the group at the time, I believe she joined after I left the group. And here she is posing with my old tentmate Sarah at dinner.

Simon and I at dinner
This picture was taken a few hours before the actual mayhem took place.

Getting wet
After dinner I made a few stops totally forgetting that the rest of the group was leaving that night. Because of this picture I didnt get a chance to say to good bye to them. What a horrible friend.

Let the mayhem begin
We had already left the bar by this point & were attempting to head back to the hotel. Dont know what the fuck I was doing here but I think someone got a kick out of me being a jackass.

Severly hung over
This picture was taken on the bus back to buenos aires really hung over. Shortly after it was taken I ran to the bathroom to vomit. I was in for a 24 hour bus ride back home.

Comments

[marlon]

for future reference
Beer before liquor, and you've never been sicker. Liquor before beer, and you're in the clear.