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Published: December 21st 2006
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Wat Phra Sing
One of the many temples in Chang Mai "I hate to say this, but this place is getting to me. I think I'm getting the Fear."
"Nonsense. We came out here to find the American Dream, and now that we're right in the vortex you want to quit. You must be realize that we've found the main nerve."
"I know, that's what gives me the Fear." Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - Hunter S. Thompson
Rob suggested I open this blog with the above quote (the title too), and I think it makes sense, given the past week. Gee, what did I do this past week anyway? Let's see, I went on a tour of Chang Mai via tuk-tuk, I went to an awesome buffet specializing in northern Thai cuisine, I took a cooking course, went further north and into Myanmar to get the ol' passport re-stamped, and... oh yeah! I went to a "ga theeuy" (pronounced 'ga-toy') beauty pageant!!!
Now some of you are probably asking me, "Tom, what's a 'ga theeuy' anyway?". Well please, allow me to enlighten you. A ga theeuy, defined by
thai-language.com is "a male-to-female transsexual"! The english term here seems to be ladyboy, so I'll stick with
Wat Chiang Man
Elephants, bitch! that.
How did we get to a ladyboy beauty pageant anyway? Well, it sorta found us. Rob and I were just walking back from dinner when a real obvious and real ugly ladyboy handed us a flyer. And well, dare to be stupid, people!
What can I say about the ladyboy show? Well, it's not exactly the Miss USA Pageant. Let me describe to you, in agonizing detail, of the ongoings of this show. You get to your table, order some beer (OK, a
lot of beer) and sit down on your table. Two incredibly ugly dudes in dresses -not sure if they were ladyboys on account of their incredible ugliness and my reluctance to check in detail - come up to the stage and crack some jokes in Thai that I thankfully cannot understand. Once they are finished, a bunch of men go up onto the stage in evening gowns, bikinis, or lingerie and shake what their surgeons gave them - or took away from them! This flaunting of fake and removed bodyparts continues until a winner is declared.
The good news? Rob and I had a lot of fun! And were not alone here as
Wat Chedi Luang
The oldest temple in Chang Mai. we met a few other tourists who came in to see the show. The bad news? Rob got stuck next to a couple of ladyboys who worked at the club and they kept trying to feed him peanuts. At one point, Rob had some cash out to pay for drinks, and one of them grabbed it and put it down their shirt for him to fish out. Poor bastard. I have to say though, Rob took it like a man and kept them at bay all night. My hero!
This was a really crazy night, and like I said, a lot of fun. We shot some pool, met some people, and got some insight to the gay culture in Thailand. Because you don't go to a ladyboy beauty pageant for the show - you go for the experience. And what an experience it was! It's kind of funny because while being gay is no longer taboo, I don't think you'd see a show like this anywhere else in the world. Then again, I don't know how many other places in the world have so many gay men becoming women via surgery.
Cooler still, when people ask me what
I did in Thailand, I can honestly say, "I saw surgically altered gay men swish around in a dress!". No one can take that away from me! I rule! Also, if any of you ever go to Thailand, you won't need to go to a ladyboy show 'cause you'll have read this. Your welcome.
There's one thing about a pageant like this that really gives me The Fear though: its just how unlike men most of these contestants look. Guys, if you saw them on the street, there is a very good chance you would turn to your buddy and say, "I'd fuck that!". I can only imagine how many men fly into Thailand and end up taking a he/she back to his hotel for a night, only to find out the truth once it's too late. Or not at all. Adam's Apples people! And deep voices! Be on the lookout!
Actually, for all you male backpackers coming to Thailand, perhaps the best thing to do is to follow the advice of Coach in the movie
Saving Silverman:
"Stay away from women! All they want from you is your man-juice! If you get any sudden urges you We Are Here To Pump... YOU UP!
We met Charles (another crazy canuck - from Vancouver)in Bangkok, and again in Chang Mai. He's in Vietnam now. Best of luck during your travels Chas, and we loved the pics on your last blog (Rob's glad you found his drawing...)! can't supress with hard liquor, use this (points to hand)!"
That's all for now folks. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
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Sir Chas
non-member comment
Nice photos
I hope things are going well!!!!!