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Published: November 22nd 2006
Our journey to Ecuador proved to be quite a mission. We were flying with American Airlines, which meant we had to trust the airline that had lost two 8ft board bags and three suitcases the last time we flew with them. We were also flying via Miami, so would also have the pleasurable experience of passing through American immigration and customs on the way.
Things got off to a predictable start. At the check in desk in Costa Rica we were told that there would be a $70 charge for each of our board bags. Luckily, we had anticipated this happening on the way to the airport, and Pete had come up with a plan. My part in this majestic scenario was to;
"stand there and dont say anything. Leave the talking to me."
"Ok, I can do that."
Pete puts on the best puppydog eyes i have ever seen, enhanced further by the fact he is still wearing eye liner from his pirates costume the previous night (at least i hope that is why he is wearing eye liner?).
"We cant afford to pay $70. We were robbed in San Jose."
"Im sorry sir. If you cant pay, i cant check you on the flight."
By this time there is a large queue starting to build behind us.
"Can i speak to your supervisor?"
"She will be here in a minute sir. If you step to one side you can speak to her when she gets here."
"i dont want to step to one side. Can I not speak to her now?"
The queue behind us is still building, so the lady quickly gets her colleague on the phone and explains the situation. She is told that if we have a police report to prove we have been robbed, we can check the boards onto the flight for free.
Pete dives into his rucksack and begins to empty its contents all over the check in desk. I am doing my best to stand there and look poor, dirty, and like i could break down into tears at any moment. Basically, i am following my direction from Pete to the letter, really getting into my part and playing an absolute blinder. Pete eventually produces the police report from when he had his rucksack stolen in Jaco. Due to the fact that by this point the queue behind us is practically out of the door, and Petes dirty boxers, complete with skidmarks, are spred all over the departure lounge floor, the lady doesnt check the report and our boards are allowed on the flight for free.
"Oh thank you. You have made two poor travellers very happy!"
On arrival in Miami, we are forced to wait 45 minutes at immigration while the fat man with the military haircut, sits on his arse whistling the star spangled banner, taking forever to stamp the forms declaring nobody is a terrorist. Has ever been a terrorist. Is thinking about becoming a terrorist. Or if anybody happens to know the where abouts of osama Bin Laden. After we have our fingerprints taken, we are let through to collect our bags. By the time we arrive at baggage claim, our luggage has been moving round the carousel for over an hour, and has now been dumped in a large pile out of the way. We gather our belongings and head to customs.
When we arrive at customs, i am told to follow the green lane and Pete is instructed to follow the red. Im thinking that seems strange, so i decide to ask for help. The customs officer i ask is practically a clone of the guy at immigration. Fat, short hair, and a tattoo of an eagle on his forearm.
"Excuse me. Why do me and my friend have to go in different lanes. We are only making a connection flight?"
"I cant help you sir. Move along!"
I do as i am told. Who am i to argue with a man holding a gun? I follow the green lane through customs and check my luggage onto the next flight. I sit down with a huge smile on my face to wait for Pete, thinking he is going to get the full body search, complete with KY and gun of justice.
After i have been waiting half and hour, there is still no sign of Pete. I am considering spending my last dollar on one of the American sized snacks from the vending machine next to me, when an announcement comes over the airport PA system.
"John Ellis. John Ellis. Please pick up the nearest courtesy phone."
I find a phone, pick up the receiver, and am told Pete is waiting for me at Starbucks on the second level. I head up the esculator, thinking about how much i could murder a double chocolate mocha with vanilla and cinnamon. When i arrive at Starbucks i find Pete is nowhere to be seen. I wait for a few minutes, but he still doesnt show, so i find another courtesy phone and get them to confirm the message. I am told that Pete is waiting at Starbucks B. I am calling from Starbucks A. I head over to Starbucks B, but still no sign of Pete. By this time i am starting to get worried. We are running out of time to make our connection flight. Pete has the boarding passes, meaning i cant get through security and meet him at the gate, so i decide to put a call out over the loud speaker. i pick up the nearest phone and tell the lady on the other end my message.
"Peter Blacow. Peter Blacow. Please meet your contact at Starbucks B on the second level."
By now everyone at starbucks has realised i am the plonker who is lost in the airport. I stand and wait for Pete, trying not to draw anymore attention to myself. After another 5 minutes there is still no sign of Pete. The now familiar crackle of the airport PA system sounds. Here we go again.
"John Ellis. John Ellis. Please meet Peter at Walkway A."
i stand where i am for a couple of minutes, trying to pretend to my audience at Starbucks that the message isnt actually for me. Once i have them convinced, i casually walk off towards walkway A, where Pete is stood, shaking his head in the way your parents would always do if you had done something wrong and were about to get a reprimanding.
We try and work out how we managed to miss each other. we decide that we must have come out of customs in different places and gone separate ways after checking our bags onto the next flight. There is no way we could have walked past each other and not noticed.... or maybe Pete did manage to sneak past when i was buying that extra, extra, extra large custard bun from the vending machine??
We eventually get through security after having our flip flopps checked for explosives, and arrive at the gate in time to board our flight to Quito. I end up sitting next to an American lady who insists on talking to me in Spanish for the whole flight (despite me telling her i am English) while she proudly shows me her collection of different currencys from around the world. i do my best to pretend to be asleep for the whole flight, thinking to myself that if i never have to come back to this country again it will be too soon!
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Wiggy
Noel Wigdor
haha
good blog man, you have a good writting style. I will follow your trip, too, since I just got back from south america. Be SURE to go to the Secret Garden in Quito, it was one of my favorite stays... (pricey, though)