i'm reading a book about faries.

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well, strange how all this happens i guess. it's also strange that an absolute majority of my blogs start with the word 'well'. i wonder if i start many sentences with that. o, i dont wonder, but i am now. from now on i'll be really conscious of that i guess. but anyway, back to the point.

im now in merida, and im genuinly feeling better. i still want to come home, i stil need to come home, but still, im feeling better. i got a bus from maracay on sunday night, and good god i was pleased to leave that place. choroni was fun and all, i had fun times at the beach, but i was very pleased to leave. merida itself isnt particularly wonderful, but its amazing what difference a bit of comfort makes. my couchsurfer here is an american girl called trisha, and its just been wonderful to have full conversations in a first language again. plus she's been very eager to make sure im ok, that i feel safe etc etc, which is a major part of what a couchsurfer should do. its the first worry at the end of the day. anyway, i got here monday morning (13hours on a bus? no thank you), got to trisha's at around 11ish, and had a quiet day. i went for a nap at 5ish as trisha went to work, and i ended up getting out of bed at like, 7 this morning. thats a long time to spend in bed, but after the broken sleep of maracay, it was needed.

trisha lives with her boyfriend (a venezuelan guy called jhonny), and unfortunately they broke up this morning. which sucks massively, but it also presented a situation where 2 english language people were miserable and wanted to go home, so today we headed to the mountains for a good whinge. and whinge we did! and despite having a much nicer day, it just emphasised to me just how much i'd like to be at home right now, and how much more i want to travel in europe. obviousl i havent seen the entire world, but everything that i personally could need or want, i can find in europe, and i will. so thats cleared my mind up a lot, which is great. it was nice to vent a little, and to criticise venezuela without feeling like a jaded tourist. i keep thinking that maybe im just applying northern hemisphere standards to a southern hemisphere country, but at the end of the day some things are just standard human things you know. the rudeness of people in the service industry here is unreal, and that is something that doesnt need to be as it is, regardless of how things are in your country. if you are in that industry, you do the best you can do. here, it seems like doing your job is an actual chore, and in many examples its almost been embarassing. in choroni for example, when we were sorting out a room, the guy behind the desk was obviously stoned off his face and had no idea what was going on, and to me that just seems irresponsible. and thats another thing my short time here has made me realise.

being responsible and acting responsible is a damn good thing. and as cowardly as i might still see me coming home as being, its the most responsible thing i could do. if i stayed, felt miserable and whatnot, that would be very irresponsible of me, and i just dont want that. so captain boring and responsible is who i am, and thats who i want to be. and sure, ì'd love to be thrilling, but at the end of the day, im me, and if that isnt thrilling, then balls to it.

i've gotta go, as this adorable coffee shop is kicking people out, but i'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone that mailed over the last 24hours. it genuinly means the world to me. i'm back soon, and i will be seeing people soon. you can all laugh at my burnt shoulder and mediocre moustache again.

tara.

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