Pisco - Have you heard of the bird with the expensive turd?

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martes, 22 de junio
An amazing breakfast bap and into Ica to catch the bus to Pisco. We know it's not far but not quite where to go. It's okay the conductor knows he has our ticket.

Oh. No. He doesn't. That stop half an hour ago was ours. And he doesn't speak English?
WHAT THE F**K IS HE SAYING??!!

Literal translation (or what we did anyway):
"Get off the bus on the middle of a busy highway right in the middle of the desert, then try and run across the road with 2.5 stone backpacks whilst cars belt past at 60mph on the side of the road you are otherwise unused to, after which try and communicate with the ticket auditor (who also doesn't speak a word of your mother tongue) and explain the situation such as to persuade him to allow you onto the bus in the opposite direction without buying another ticket because you don't have any money."
Awkward. We did it somehow. And at Pisco bus stop a man was waiting for us. How did he know when we were coming? We concluded he didn't.

Just like the man whose job it is to wait for people to get off a bus he has no idea of its arrival, we did nothing all afternoon.

miercoles, 23 de junio
We came to Pisco for the Ballestas Islands, but we can't go today because England are playing. Poor Hayley. She doesn't watch because she thinks she is bad luck. Which is true but the sympathy is still there. It's kind of nice not to be at home with the tabloids voicing their displeasure at a team they continually set out to destroy and poison the public against.

What the f**k do you expect? Let the record stand that journalists are worse than drug dealers. The one who has ethics and ignores them is worse because he should know better. Bring back censorship Kim Jong Il, all is forgiven. Just stop killing people. Well, some of 'em.

England won, still don't buy the Sun.

Goddammit I ramble when the days are quiet. Want some product names?
BIMBO - a popular cake and bread brand
CHIN-CHIN - sweets. Apparently it's Chinese for d*ck.
BATTI-MIX - for the literate chavs. It's a Muller-type yoghurt.
NORKY'S - chicken shack. Australian for the mammaries.

jueves, 24 de junio
It's okay Hayley, your life can stop being on hold again for the sake football. The Islas Ballestas await. Our journey started out with a bus over seemingly perpetual rumble strips (as if the Peruvian government has ever discouraged speeding). Hold your breath halfway to Paracas port, either side surrounding you like a Hannibal Smith pincer movement are the fish processing factories. The bits not good enough to go into catfood left in the sunshine to test the strongest gag reflexes.

At the port of Paracas we boarded a boat for the Islas. The sea was flatter than Holland so my mind was at rest after struggling in Nazca and on a recent bus. We passed a peninsula doused in Pelicans and with an interesting Candelabra imprinted into the sand of Nazca proportions and unexplained conclusions. Why don't Peruvians ever commit to a theory? Since it never rains the image may be up to...old years old. As always, no answer so must be for the aliens! Those poor b*st*rds having to try and interpret Earth cr*p. They probably visited and left concluding no intelligent life.

Islas Ballestas is commonly known as 'the poor man's Galapagos' (or Lacrapagos as I cleverly thought), cutely referred to as 'little Galapagos' by the tour guide. It's okay we've already paid to be here. Still, expectations haven't been set overwhelmingly high. This all probably led to the utter disbelief at the volume of birds we would see in the next two hours. 7 or 8 types inhabit here (including penguins and cormorants); literally thousands on the cliffs like a Kings of Leon concert. The whole island was whiter than our clothes have been in a long time with guano - bird sh*t to the layman. Don't screw your face; it sells at $300 a bag (how much a bag is escaped us). We were a foot from a $50 shoulder's worth.

Besides the birds we saw starfish, sea spiders and a few sealions. These were out of season but one, probably Luton-based, managed to have herself pregnant. At the second island was something like we have never seen before. An island black with cormorants - 23 per square metre!! Tighter than my wallet. Then, all of a sudden, they took off. A flowing black stream like how a swarm is depicted in the movies. Over the cliff and out to sea. Seemingly neverending, maybe half a million birds all off for a shower. The chaos in the water as we reached that point was unbelievable, splashes as far as the eye could see. Apparently it's rare on these tours to catch this. Should have had faith. A poor man's Mercedes is still a Lexus.

In the afternoon we mugged ourselves off with an add-on tour of Paracas available. This took in the surrounding desert (fun), a geological oddity (which fell down 3 years ago), a red beach and had an Inca story in which I annoyed the guide by not participating in some ritual. We had lunch at Lagunillas where the only food available was fish. I had shark (new animal #5). There was a criminally obese man on our bus but we didn't know why. His daily exercise perhaps?

Don't do the add-on.

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