Cusco, Christmas and Crazy Parties, Peru, December 2013

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February 21st 2014
Published: February 21st 2014
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On our first morning back in Cusco we had to check out of our lovely hotel and go back to our real world at Millhouse Hostel. We had high hopes after our stay at Millhouse in Buenos Aires was amazing and had parties every night! I was feeling rough with a sore throat as blocked nose so I just got some medicine and looked around at some tours that we could do. We spoke to the two Aussie couples from the inca trail and we decided to book a lads day of white water rafting whilst the girls went horse riding. That night we all met at our hostel for a few drinks, I could hardly talk due to my sore throat but we played pool and table football which was good fun. We called it a night about 1am and I was just glad to get in bed and rest.

The next morning we didn't have to get up until 8am which now seemed like a lie in after the early starts on the inca trail, and here's all you back home thinking we had the easy life travelling lying in until midday! We got to the place and were led in circles around the block by a guy who was our 'transfer' and then we ended up back where we had met him 20 minutes earlier, very confusing! We had a 2 hour drive to the rafting place so we had plenty of banter, some of which cannot be repeated on this blog... At the place we were greeted by two HUGE guard dogs which luckily didn't attack us and got changed into our wet suits. The river was raging past us and was dark brown in colour showing how much dirt it was dragging down with it. After a brief safety introduction and being told what the key commands of forward, back, right back and left back were, we got in the raft and were off. The river was ridiculously powerful and to begin with we had no coordination and were terrible, something our guide Harry didn't hesitate in telling us! We finally got the hang of it and hit the grade 4 rapids, classed as grade 4 as there are underwater caves that if you got sucked under and into you would die! It wasn't too bad as I was on the second row not the front but every now and then the river would dip down and seem to disappear then a huge wave would smash us, go over our heads and fill the whole raft with water... It was bloody freezing as well! Once the water calmed a bit Harry told us we could jump in and swim, the Aussies bottled it (fassyoles) but me and Freeman jumped in. It was ice cold and the current felt 10 times stronger with your whole body submerged. After getting smashed by a huge wave I managed to swim a little bit and get back in the boat, I was completely out of breath, without a life jacket on you would almost certainly drown. We then pulled up at a grassy bank and played a 'rafting game' which consisted of holding your oar up in the air and looking to the sky, spinning around in circles 15 times and then running between two oars set as goalposts right on the edge of the water. Inevitably people were falling everywhere and into the river then would be rescued by a rope. It was me vs Tommo and I smashed him, span faster and got through the goal without falling in, Tommo on the other hand ran the opposite way, fell over into some cow poo but then ran and rugby tackled me into the river with him! We got back in the raft and me and freeman got in the front this time. Here you took the full brunt of the waves so we got soaked and were freezing but it was so much more fun! The guide then just randomly ran down the raft and dived into the water leaving us in control! Luckily he got back in quickly to look after us but then Tommo stopped paddling and asked if he could go in because he needed a poo haha!! The rapids were too strong so he had to wait and had a little mardy and stopped paddling, making me, freeman and Vaughan also stop paddling as we couldn't stop laughing! Our guide realised and asked if he needed to go 'poo poo' which made us all laugh even more. Tommo finally got in the water but apparently it was too cold for him to go... We finally reached the end and some local kids were at the side of the river throwing bangers at us, not to be deterred tommo still sat in the river and dropped a nugget in his wet suit! For the whole journey back to base we hammered him for it as you would. We were all freezing so we took our wet suits off and sat in the sauna while we waited for our lunch. After lunch we climbed a fairly high ladder ready to zip line across the river, it actually got my heart racing which I didn't expect it to but once I was attached at the top I was fine. We then had the 2 hour drive back which we all tried to nap on and then we decided to go for a massage back in cusco. We smashed a KFC on the way back to hostel where Freeman got straight in bed and went to sleep, so after an hour I decided to just get an early night too.

After a good sleep we saw a message from the Aussie girls saying they had put a present under the seat outside our room for us, a pack of 3 chocolate condoms from the chocolate museum! We sorted out our transport to Lima that day after we had decided that we were just going to stay in Cusco for Christmas. We booked a flight for Boxing Day so that we didn't have to travel on Christmas Day. We then went to the Wild Rover hostel to book accommodation there over Christmas. We stayed in their bar to watch the football and then they roped us into playing a beer pong tournament at 4 in the afternoon! I put our names down and then Freeman had to join me, we ended up winning the tournament so we'd had a few beers, won a free t-shirt and then just strolled out of the hostel and back to ours! Winners.

On day 4 in Cusco I felt even worse than I had the previous days. We went to the main square to do the free walking tour but as it started I felt horrendous and genuinely thought I was going to be sick so I told Freeman I had to leave. I felt really weak and had to lean on a tree waiting to be sick, I couldn't even walk but managed to compose myself after 5 minutes and made it back to the hostel. All the colour had drained out of my face. I sat on the toilet when I got back for ages and then I was freezing so I just wrapped myself up in bed and went to sleep for 4 hours! I made it out for some 'safe' food that night so had a Big Mac meal and then went straight back to the hostel, got in bed and slept for another 12 hours!

I woke up feeling much better the next morning so we packed and moved to the Wild Rover Hostel, party central. Once we were checked in we went to the chocolate museum for a two hour lesson on how to make chocolate from cacao beans. I wasn't a fan at first when we were crushing the beans but once we had chocolate and sweets to make our own it was much better. I added flumps, sprinkles, chilli powder and all sorts to my chocolates. After the lesson we went to the legendary Jack's for lunch which does really good food and even better milkshakes! That night we went to the hostel bar for a few drinks and met a Swedish guy that loved English swear words so he asked us to teach him more. Me and Freeman then dominated everyone on the pool table and apparently headed out to Temple Club but I don't remember any of it!

I didn't wake up until gone 12 the next day and I felt like death so I stayed in bed for another hour. I finally made it down to the bar and had bangers n mash which made me feel much better. We watched some football in the bar, played pool and I FaceTime'd the rents. We watched Gladiator in the movie room and then went for another nap! I woke up at 10pm ready to go out but Freeman was fast off so I chatted to Colm at the bar but when he asked me to play rocks paper scissors for shots I took that as my cue to leave and went to bed, probably the laziest day I've had so far.

We were woken at 8am by a woman showing someone the room and she left the light on so we were fuming and ended up just going for breakfast. I caught up on my diary that day and then at night we went out with Tommo and Miles and found a bloke fast asleep in Temple Club so we stole his glasses, nasty nasty boys!

Freeman woke me up about 11:30 the next morning (lie ins had now become compulsory here in cusco) and we went out for an Indian buffet with Cooper and Sarah. The food wasn't great and the woman was raging when I left half a plate of food after she had made a big deal of eating everything u put on your plate, oh well! Back at the hostel we went back to bed, the nights out here really were killing us the next day. That night we recovered enough to get back on it and I won killer pool and a free drink, along with a free shot everytime you had a go. I ended up going out in Miles' Gucci hat that night to Temple and raved with loads of local blokes, I just kept chanting Peru Peru, Peru Peru to them but they loved it! After another messy night we all got a taxi back to the hostel and crashed.

We woke up hungover on Christmas Eve and what better way to celebrate than to crack in early doors? We started aggressively at 2pm with a shot of sambuca and a double vodka coke! We drank all day and just played pool, the hostel bar pretty much became our home as the weather in Cusco was shocking. It was like being in a pub back home. A load of plastic penises started getting thrown around so I used them to try and put everyone off at pool, obviously hilarious when you're smashed... By midnight I was absolutely smashed, went for a number two on the loo and passed out sat there with my pants around my ankles. Freeman came up to find me and had to kick the door down to see if I was alright as I wasn't responding! After taking a highly embarrassing video of me I somehow managed to pull myself together and we went out to the club, again! I have no recollection of the events in the club but we managed to come back together and get in bed safely.

Finally, Christmas Day arrived! We woke up at 10am and I felt so hungover it was unreal. However, after a quick visit to the shop and downing orange juice, yogurt and coke, whilst watching the legendary film Elf in the bar I felt a little better. I managed to Skype Marc Swet and then FaceTime'd the fam back home which was a bit gutting seeing them all together on Christmas but not being there with them. It was finally time for Christmas dinner and the set up was amazing. There must have been 100 of us all together on long tables in the courtyard, with Christmas songs playing. The dinner was good and we had a few drinks with it as well. After dinner everyone sang a few Christmas carols, the vibe was amazing and then it was inevitably time to crack on again in the bar... We smashed a few jaeger bombs and vodka cokes, played pool and then I ended up playing drinking games with a group of girls, they absolutely ruined me with the games! We moved on to ring of fire with a forfeit being we had to do 10 press ups before taking a drink, which in a game like ring of fire is every minute, so we were all in the middle of the bar doing press ups and downing drinks. I was wasted again and headed to the club with Tommo and Miles. We had a class night and didn't get back until 6:30am when it was broad daylight. Then, for some unknown reason me and Tommo decided to take it in turns to smack each other in the face with no defence!! Not a game for the faint hearted. We finally made it into the hostel and one of the girls that worked there told us to go to bed so we ended up just abusing her telling her to shuttup and she just went to bed herself. We finally accepted defeat and went to bed, but one of the girls was in my bed so I woke her up, asked her what she was doing and when she said she didn't know I kicked her out and finally passed out myself. What a crazy crazy Christmas, the wildest I have ever had but definitely one to remember.

On Boxing Day we woke up with horrible hangovers but had to get up early, pack our bags and got a taxi to the airport for our flight to Lima. We both slept for the hour and a half on the plane and got to our hostel in Lima which was red hot! The area was really run down and it was like being in a shanty town but we found somewhere to eat and I had about 3 mouthfuls before deciding I still couldn't eat! I showered and got in bed but it was so hot and loads of people came in at random times during the night from the airport so I only got around 2 hours sleep. We had to get up at 5am for our flight to Santiago in Chile which we made with plenty of time.

Cusco had been a crazy 10 days of heavy drinking and partying, but most of you will know that suits me perfectly fine as I love nothing more than a drink and a boogy!


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