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Published: November 6th 2008
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Josh's future
You kind of have to read the accompanying work of literature to understand why Josh is fat and in bed with a prostitute. First let me say that I haven’t been this proud of my country since the first time I saw Rocky IV. I know some of you hate me to espousing my personal politics on here but what’s awesome is that none of you can stop me. I feel bad for McCain, Bush screwed him in 2000 and managed to do it again this year. Besides getting a black man in the top office in the nation I’d say the second biggest step forward for race relations was CNN hologramming a black man during their coverage. It would have been a bigger breakthrough if they’d used Billy D to right the wrong of his being hologram slighted in the holiest of trilogies* but hey, they aren’t perfect. It makes the six dollar CNN pen I bought at the Atlanta airport once seem worth it. A couple of weeks ago we returned to work after 10 days of some of the most relaxing vacation ever. I normally travel during vacation, this year I took the advice of Peter from Office Space and I did absolutely nothing for a week. That’s not entirely true, I just did whatever I wanted, I read a lot,
Halloween.
My 4th grade cracker jacks. I'm supposed to be Gunther Cunningham. played video games, painted, watched dvds and several classic movies like Weird Science and Top Secret. It was a such an amazing week that I wasn’t excited to go back to work, which is only odd because I really like my job. Work went well and I was happy to be back with my kids, but I was well ready for another long weekend like we had last weekend and have again the weekend after this one. I’ve never really understood having a gun in one’s house seeing as you are so much more likely to hurt yourself or someone you know/love than anyone else. Until now that is. I just took this survey** and I think the owning a gun question would really bump up my chances of surviving a zombie apocalypse. I think the shooting range practice when I was in 5th grade with the boy scouts (who says they are trying to prepare the youth for military service?) may save me. I’m at 51% which for those of you who aren’t super good at math like me, means more than 50%. That’s why I went to college folks (which incidentally won’t help me at all against the
Search and Rescue
Josh went on a mission to save our lost bottle of extra strength Goldbond Powder. He thought the best way to test the electric fence's voltage was by grabbing it. He brought her home safe. zombies). I have long lived in a town with no American fast food which I found alternatingly great and problematic. No more, McDonalds made it to Santa Marta and we consequently made it on the map (check CIA world fact book, they added it to their map the day the McD’s opened). I can’t believe we haven’t come up with some technology to make shoe strings obsolete. I feel like that’s an area where science has really failed us. Velcro never caught on like Roos thought it would. I’ve tried to fit in, but I’m giving up. I don’t like parmesan cheese. I think it stinks, tastes terrible and is dry. Since I frequently don’t know the name of the high school students, other than their last name if I had a younger sibling in my class, I have reverted to the communist method of referring to everyone as Citizen. How are you today Citizen Santos? Plus it makes me seem more like a communist. Another good reason to not have a cell phone: my carrier Tigo now informs people who called you while your phone was turned off when you turn it on. This might seem convenient to some
Bobby's wedding jump
If you thought I only jump super high in comparison to Fatty Elmore and Adam, think again. I have a gift. as you’ll know when to call back, but to me it is creepy and big brotherish. I don’t want people to know when I turn my phone on, it was off for a reason, to avoid a phone call, or phone calls in general. The last thing I need is everyone who got screened getting a text message notifying them to call again. You know who’s a worthless old charlatan? Grandpa Joe from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He was so old and tired that he didn’t get out of bed for 20 years. In the film he’s only 60 years old.*** The family is crazy poor, having trouble heating the house and feeding everyone and he hasn’t chipped in or gotten out of bed in 20 freaking years? Charlie finds the golden ticket and he’s up and jumping around. The only bad part of the movie is that old sandbagging bastard doesn’t get judged a bad egg like the much younger and reformable Veruca or stuck in a tube like that chub Augustus. It’s good to have Law back. I kind of didn’t realize how much I’d given up on seeing him again, sad as that speaks of me. It joys me to know he’s alright and hopefully headed in the right direction even as it saddens me terribly to think of how the last few years have been for him. I’ll keep the interested updated as well I can as Betty updates me. You know what was nice about the constant hassling of the police at SMS? The feeling that you were sticking it to the man a little bit. At KU, the police just left you alone. What’s the fun in that? Adam and I are thinking of cutting the maid’s hours down to just 3 days a week. Not because we need less taking care of but because we seem to not sully the house too much and can normally make it two days before it is in need of a cleaning. On Halloween I time travelled back to high school by skipping a work meeting with Josh and the two of us got busted by the principal. It was really hilarious, even he had to laugh as we were sprawled out on the ground clearly cutting class. My kids’ costumes were inappropriate as usual but this year I had one unknowingly take the cake, her father must have been cracking up. She came to school dressed as a dominatrix complete with a riding crop that was not designed for horses. Upon questioning she revealed that her father gave it to her even thought they don’t own any horses. You know how when you were in high school you always day dreamed about some crazy high pressure situation to happen (like in the movie Toy Soldiers) so you could save the hot girl who ignored you? This doesn’t include the Zombie Apocalypse, their just aren’t any winners.
New music: New Ben Folds, both copies. He released a fake copy of the album on the internet before releasing the real album. They are both entertaining, especially both versions of Bitch Went Nuts.
Spanish Phrase: Ni un Culo. It translates directly as nor an ass. No lo conozco ni un culo. I don’t know him not even an ass. No me importa ni un culo. It doesn’t matter to me even an ass.
Book: Rising Stars (comic book). It’s about a town that gets hit by some stuff and all babies that are in utero have powers. I’m pretty glad I can use my job as an excuse for still reading comics. Oh, and their awesomeness. Top Cow Comics.
TV: Deadwood is great. I think everyone around works for the Pinkertons now though so I guess that would be a detraction, or would be if you were a Pinkerton and didn’t want me to discover you.
Guard: Up.
Citizens of the future be forewarned,
Joel Josiah (aka Tyrone)
To be able to fill leisure intelligently is the last product of civilization, and at present very few people have reached this level. ~ Bertrand Russel
I worked for about two hours yesterday. It was the worst two hours of the whole break. ~ Josh
Home is where the heart is, my home ain’t in this town. ~ Jeff Foucault.
*I know you’re thinking the Mummy trilogy but I’m actually referring to Star Wars. I did have the pleasure of some Clockwork Orange style forced viewing of the third Mummy movie on a bus recently and it’s as disastrous as one might suspect.
**http://www.oneplusyou.com/bb/zombie
***In the original, in the new one he’s 80, in the book he’s 96.
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Jeni
non-member comment
37 freaking % at the Zombie Quiz
I apparently would one of the first idiots in the movie to get bitten and you would have to shoot me in the face. I can see by your score, that you would have no problem with that. Gee.. Thanks bro.