Paraty On, Dudes

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Today I did something for the second time in my life.

Something that, until three weeks ago, I swore I would never ever do, because it is a seemingly exceptionally stupid thing to do, even though millions of people do it, and even though I am known to do plenty of other seemingly exceptionally stupid things from time to time.

Something that I still find exceedingly difficult to do, partly because of the stupidity, but mostly because of anatomy.

I put in contacts. Seemingly stupid - no, seemingly retarded - because who, I ask rhetorically, would ever dare to stick foreign objects into one's eyes. And exceedingly difficult because I have tiny little eyes and giant cumbersome fingers, traits handy for moles and moles only.

But I went through with it and subsequently found myself snorkeling for the first time in my life.

And it scared the bejeezus outta me.

There's something less threatening about fish, I think, when you and the fish are separated by a pane of glass. A pane of glass, I might add, the removal of which would surely under most circumstances be far less detrimental to my health status than the fish's. But now it was their turn. They knew it, too, the sneaky, conniving turds. No sooner did I plop my pasty, dog-paddling ass into the shallow depths of Paraty's bay than those creepy little non-blinking bastards charged at my FACE.

I hadn't until a few years ago been faced with an opportunity to scream since I was a child. But at age 24 I was at a state fair and I had been ushered onto a contraption that lifts you about a mile into the air before dropping you into a freefall, leaving you with little more than your scream and perhaps the first-ever time in your life that you seriously ponder the reliability of hydraulics in any practical sense. Just before the fall, I was under the impression I still screamed like a little girl. I found out that day that, fortunately, I scream like a full-grown man. This knowledge was comforting to me for years until today when, perhaps because I wanted my mommy, I screamed through that snorkel like no little girl has ever screamed before. The pitch was such that I don't think anyone else heard; but those fish, those stinking rotten evil fish, they heard. They continued to charge, feeding off of my terror, feasting on my dignity, probably eating my face, until I was left cold and clammy and shaking like a crack baby.

Or maybe that was the water.

The boat spent the day hopping from beach to beach within Paraty's bay of countless (uh, 50) islands. I finally chilled out a little. Continued to snorkel, proceeded to swim, and even got my paws on a real live starfish at one point. Germans Henje and Sasi were there, along with a few other random people including a really nice missionary and his wife who were kind enough to never once try to sell me on Jesus, and Roy from Holland, who spent a good portion of the trip staring at his feet, probably thinking about babies.

By the end of the day, Eden was fighting some goofy bacteria in her stomach (as much as she'd love to, she just can't recommend the squid at the local buffet) and I was trying to wrestle something out of my ear that'd found its way in at some point while I was under water. These were reasons enough to skip the R$35 puppet show -- for now. We possibly have not have seen the end of Paraty, and passing up an "internationally-acclaimed" puppet show might be the dumbest thing I've done since this morning, when I stuck some shit in my eyes.

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Photos

I'm a star, a big bright shining star.
Starfish do not have moveable skeletons. They instead possess a complicated matrix of tube feet which make up their hydraulic water vascular systems, which function in locomotion, aid with feeding and MMM SURE ARE TASTY!

Be afraid.
They may look harmless - and indistinguishable - under water, but these fish are face-eating monsters.

Comments

[drae j namaste-rose]

more danger..
whoa! i've been snorkeling before, and also had the opportunity to see what it was i'd be trying to see before i jumped, but even seeing a shark in the water was less scary than that picture.. how could there be room for you and all of those fish? well, it looks like your pasty body and face actually came out ok from the looks of the starfish picture.. glad you are trying new things and glad the danger is coming in the form of contact lenses and face eating fish than robbers and bad food (although the food thing will probably stay with you, i'm willing to bet..)