Dispatches; The Hotel Vienna

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Unfortunately, and due to circumstances probably beyond my control (and not heeding the Lonely Planet's advice about eating salad and seafood), i've departed Cusco, Peru, without seeing much at all. I saw a lot of the jacks in my hotel room but that's about it. Hopefully I'll get back there at some point.

So, with the Dark Forces still rebelling in my ailimentary canal, although clearly in retreat, I decided it best to fly to La Paz rather than another long bus ride. I don't mind the journey so much because you get to see a bit of the place, but it was too high risk in my opinion, and to be completely honest I'm also pretty wasted from the struggle against the microbiotic terrorists.

Aerosur Flight 451 departed slightly late this morning; about 9.30am for it's 55 minute flight from Cusco to La Paz. The craft, a Boeing 737-300, or 87D to put it in car parlance, had seen better days. It worked fine, rattled a bit, and the pilot seemed to know his stuff. The view was magnificent, and the green lush mountains round Cusco gave way to thye snow capped Andean peaks the further east we flew. I remembered the movie 'Alive', the one with Ethan Hawke and his pals eating his dead mates after his flight crashed somewhere in the Andes in the 70s. I began to formulate a plan should similar events occur and I was one of the lucky survivors.
The first thing we'd need to do is a head count obviously. Then we'd need to single out all the vegans and vegetarians and mercilessly dispatch them. It sounds cruel, but it's the best thing for all parties concerned as the last thing we need on the side of mountain amid plane wreckage is a heard of herbivores crying because the short hop flight didn't have a vegitarian option on its snack menu. There's only so many packets of peanuts and pretzels. There certainly will not be tofu.
Next, we'd need to start slicing off pieces of dead arse and either cooking it in the flaming JP4 jet fuel or drying it out as jerky. We don't know how long we'll be here and, in the end, it's better to be looking at it than looking for it.
But what if I was one of the perished? I thought about this and firmly have no problem having someone tuck into my cadaver. However, for their own safety I'd keep away from the rump as it's still a quarantined area.

But we landed safely. I say safely because we walked off the plane, I don't know if it's because of the thin air or the pilot on coke but we came in like a Stuka divebomber, bounced down the running and dropped the anchors with a squeel of brakes and a roar of reverse thrust jet engines. I was that tired I didn't really notice, but there were overhead bins flying open and a couple of screeches from the saets at the back.

Osgur, the man in charge here in Bolivia, had arranged a car to meet me and I was duly whisked off to Loki Hostel in La Paz. This is where, hopefully, I'll be working for the next while providing I don't disappoint. It's a beautiful building, once known as the Hotel Vienna. Check out the pics online at Loki La Paz website. Any way, I'm pooped so I'm going to have a little rest.

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Comments

[Belle Rophon]

One thing's for sure, we're all gonna be a lot thinner...
'I don't know if it's because of the thin air or the pilot on coke but we came in like a Stuka divebomber'...pure class. Good luck in Hotel Vienna, it looks very beautiful.