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Published: August 15th 2008
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The Chill Box.
Our house. Big, and nice views, but no heating other than the fire in the living room. Hey broo.
Hey broo. Ha's it going?.
Sweet iz broo.
Hey broo, you want some chups?
Chups?
Yeah chups. You want some chups broo?
Ah yeah, sweet iz broo. I love chups ey.
Here yu go broo.
Sweet iz broo.
Yeah, sweet iz broo.
Three weeks in NZ and as you can see I am now fluent in the native tongue. It seems as long as I end every sentence with "ey" and call everyone my "broo" I'll be fine. Anyway.
Wanaka! At last! We finally arrive at our new house and Tim and I are greeted by a sheepish Lawrence...
"Hey guys? I've er... kinda had an accident with the car".
Lawrence had popped out for five minutes in "Amy", leaving Tim and I to unpack and settle in. Apparently, he was fiddling with the car stereo and failed to see a HUGE FRIGGIN BARBED WIRE FENCE bordering a field. There were long gouges all over pour Amy's bonnet, and two jagged holes had been torn in both wings. It looked like someone had tried to nick it using an massive tin opener.
"Do you think we'll still be able to sell it when we
Chilling out.
Enjoying the warmth of the living room, delaying the time when we all retire to our freezing rooms. leave?" mumbles Lawrence as he tries to bend back a piece of metal. "No Lawrence" I say, closing my eyes and rubbing my face. "She's scarred for life. No one will want her now." I turn and go back into the house leaving Lawrence with Amy. Of course I was glad he was OK, but I now knew how my Dad felt back in '88.
So anyway - SNOWBOARDING! At last some decent riding! Our nearest resort was Cardrona, a 45 minute drive away up a very sketchy dirt road. The snowboarding in New Zealand seems to be all about the freestyle park. Tricks on the boxes and rails, and big jumps off the kickers seem to be the order of the day. Unfourtunately, we all had little or no experience of the man made jumps - we'd trained by jumping off cat tracks or doing cliff drops so we were kind of learning as we went.
For the first few days I tried to remember what my freestyle mentor Steve ("Shit Fuck") had told me, and despite the size of some of these jumps, they seemed to be OK. They'd been designed in such a way that
Lake Wanaka.
No photo retouching necessary. This is exactly as it looked. the landings were smooth and after a few runs I managed to get my confidence, and my speed up. The rails and boxes however were a different matter. Metal is hard, and if you get it wrong it bloody hurts! Plus I'm now surrounded by some of the best snowboarders in the world practicing for the up coming Burton Open. After a while a couple of Japanese pros start to feel sorry for my limbs and gave me some tips, and gradually my rail riding improved. A long soak each evening was still necessary though. I like to think it was the intimidating atmosphere that prevented me from doing the really flashy tricks. Some would say however, that it was more likely down to me being thirty eight.
The evenings were spent either huddled around the fire playing Risk, or at a local pub. And it was at one of said pubs that after one too many Brewskis we signed up for the Wanaka ipod battle. Two teams with ipods play their choice of tunes to win over the crowd. Each team plays one and a half minutes of a tune they think will get the crowd going, then
The road from the hill.
This doesn't do it justice. You need chains just to get through the mud! the other team do the same and so on for five tunes. At the end the crowd cheer for their favourite and the winning team take home skateboards, T-shirts and the adulation of Wanaka's nightlife. Loads of fun!
We kicked off with a live version of "Blockrocking Beats", followed by a remix of Dj Format's "English Lesson" and from then on the crowd were putty in our hands! We then threw in Blur's "Song Two", "Sure Shot" by The Beastie Boys, and even a bit of Toots and The Maytals' "54 46 Was My Number". But then our opposition played the Theme from The Prince Of Belle Air (genius) and the crowd went crazy. We came second but we'd had such a good night we didn't care.
A few days later and Amy finally died on us. She'd had just about enough of the high revving up the mountain, and the hard breaking back down, so we all lay our hands on her bonnet one last time, I said a few words and then a local garage came and picked her up. So, hitching from now on then.
For the next week or so we stood on
Jack rockin'.
We decide to practice freestyle away from the pros in the park. Save us embarrassing them. a street corner with half a dozen other snowboarders, and smiled sweetly, hoping the four wheel drives would see my outstretched thumb and screech to a halt. And despite standing in the cold for twenty minutes at a time it actually proved quite a laugh. On one occasion I was picked up by a professional snowboarding team from Canada called "Simple". I sat at the back of their mini bus and got chatting to a youngster with huge braces on his teeth.
"You here on holiday?" I asked.
"Kinda" he shrugged." We're here to practice our tricks at the Snowpark. Burton have designed a new board for me so hopefully I'll be able to land my backside 540's without it snapping. I went through seven last year." He grins through his braces. "Rrrright", I finally say. I thought about mentioning The Ketchup Smugglers but then remembered I was crap. (After a quick search on the net the kid turned out to be Mikey Ciccarelli, an eleven year old who's been snowboarding for six years. And according to the world of snowboarding is going to be the next big thing. God I feel old.)
By now I'd started to
Riding Amy.
Our poor car. But in white out conditions we decide to make the best of what we had. get a bit bored of the park. Jumps and rails are fun but I wasn't going to get anywhere near good enough to really enjoy myself. So one morning, after a decent snowfall I suggested trying a bit of off piste.
After a bit of hiking we came across a nice steep chute. We had no idea where we'd end up, but after a few avalanche tests we decided it would be worth it. And it was. I can honestly say that those three runs were amoung the best experiences of my life. Not because they were particularly steep or dangerous, but because it was off the beaten track - there was no one else there, no chair lifts, no crowds, just that sense of adventure, the sensation of floating as you spray the snow sideways on each turn, and the absolute silence when you stop briefly to rest. This is why I do it. I'm sure I'll get the hang of the park one day but for now, personally, snowboarding in the back country is far more rewarding.
It's the Burton Open soon, and then I'm off to Hong Kong for a few days to rest my
Hiking the backcountry.
I spot a nice line on a nearby hill and the race is on to beat a couple of skiers to the top. burning legs. New Zealand is an amazing place, and the scenery really is like nothing I've ever seen. I'm here to snowboard, but something tells me it would be more rewarding to come during the Spring or Summer, to do a bit more exploring.
Right that's enough writing. It's supposed to snow tonight and I've got my eye on a nice secluded line about an hour's hike away from the resort...
Laps.
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