The Catlins

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The Catlins

So, after Robert (my German surf buddy) and I arranged to go to the Catlins over Christmas - 6 weeks later we finally pulled our fingers out and made the trip, dragging along a random assortment of companions for the jaunt.

As I’m becoming accustomed (and in fact addicted to) I did very little planning, other than making sure that everyone had a tent & sleeping bag, and I’d got my wetsuit & board (and my new addition to the “can’t leave home without it” list - my cards & poker chips set).

Without even looking at a map (I say that like the dorky teenager in my last blog - I’m practically giving myself two thumbs up in the mirror for being so cool - I am so living on the edge man) we take off to the Cat’s, which is a pretty deserted place and (as I discover 2 hrs later) is about 2hrs south of Dunny, and renowned for its surf beaches. The big wave boys come here with their jet skis to tow their buddies into waves that are too big to paddle into. Maybe now you’re realising why Rob and I had put this trip off for six weeks.

Back on my Board and Dicing with Death Again

Anyway, J-man, Michael and are in the Bluebird love tank (that’s my car, not a waterbed) following Rob, Claudia and Emma in Rob’s Subaru piece of sh*t. We check out a few beaches on the way down - Cannibal bay, Dolphin bay, - tuku blah blah, wotsit, and blah blah (see pics). Then on route to Nugget point, after seeing onshore sloppy wave after onshore sloppy wave we came across a little inlet beach facing the opposite direction. Imagine my delight upon seeing the perfect little (actually big, it was easily overhead) right hand point break peeling down the beach with nobody on it. Before Rob could say ”Oh look a ‘beware of the sharks’ sign” I’d stripped off, donned my seal pup outfit (wetsuit) and taken off with my board under my arm (FYI: there was no shark sign, but I guess the point is, I wasn’t hanging around to see if there was). I hadn’t surfed in a few weeks with all the Masters games training and then tearing my quad, so this was the first real test of my fitness. I gave J-daddy the video camera and headed to the beach.

Just walking in the water was working my thigh, but not to the extent of discomfort. So I paddled to the peak and sat on my board waiting for my set. Then a couple more guys came out and jumped on the first waves to come thru. Then they caught a few more. I meanwhile sat on my board. Then, they caught a few more, and a few more. It wasn’t long before J-diddy discovered that surfing really isn’t a spectator sport - at least not when I’m the subject. Eventually, I got my act together and caught a couple of nice waves, and then paddled into this beauty, tried to pop to my feet and completely missed my board and did a nice forward roll down the face, and entered the water with a tidy penguin dive (as my hands had slipped of the rails and were now neatly tucked into my sides), right in front of some local surfer. I laughed it off commenting “I like to put on a show - how’d I look” - He ignored me “kook” he must’ve thought to himself, before casually hopping on another peely dream and spraying water in my face as he cranked a cut-back off the top of the wave.

It wasn’t too long before Rob and Claudia arrived. Claudia and I were mid conversation as she casually paddled into a nice overhead wave and finished her sentence. Damn her. Then Rob hopped on a couple before I started to get into a rhythm.

Anyway after getting a reasonable share of waves I felt my thigh getting tighter so I headed to shore. It was a gorgeous day, so I just sat on my beach chair and watched the 4 or 5 surfers still in the water tear it up. I enjoyed 20 minutes or so of perfect tranquillity on the beach (you know when you have those moments when you think to yourself, there’s no where on earth I’d rather be than here, right now, well here it was) until a sea lion started splashing around in the shore break. A few moments later I see Claudia heading back to shore, and fortunately she’s just seen the sea lion that’s now sitting up on its belly. Giving it a wide berth (about 30 yds) Claudia calmly walks back towards me as the sea lion catches sight of her and starts barking and chasing her down the beach. Quicker than I could say “Schnell, schnell, kartopfulkopf” the only German I could remember from school, but actually might have been somewhat helpful as it means “quick, quick potato” Claudia had sprinted to the rocks at the top of the beach.

Robert meanwhile was now just getting out of the water as the angry sea lion gave him the same treatment. How I laughed at the German scampering off the beach, scared of a playful little sea lion that could barely move on land. Moments later the angry sh*te (that’s the sea lion, not Robert) started coming for me. I nearly flipped off the back of the chair (you know like when the teacher always tells you not to lean back on your chair at school, and then one day someone actually falls over the back), then tripped over my board, but just managed to grab it, my chair and my towel and run to the rocks to join the other two. It was at this point, as the sea lion was basking in the sand upon which I was sat only moments before, that I realised my water bottle was about 2 yds from its angry little head.

I bided my time, till he was 10yds down the beach, then sprinted for my bottle - barking back at the little sucker (in the hope he’d be more scared than me… fat chance, I also wondered if he’d mistaken me for one of his mates and wanted a little nookey before returning to the ocean - I didn’t dwell on this thought). I grabbed the bottle, and retreated to the safety of the rocks.

Mmmmm, hindsight always strikes you after the event. We had found the only perfect wave in the Catlins on a sunny Saturday afternoon and no one on it. Mmmm. The title “conservation beach” on the sign that I neglected to read would probably’ve given it away. It was probably a sea lion breeding ground or something.

Anyway, we continued our journey into the wilderness and discovered the Petrified Forest, where volcano lava had descended on a load of trees and turned them into a fossilised reef. Pretty weird looking, but interesting nonetheless.

We finally found a campsite next to papatowai beach. Great spot, with nobody around, at least that was until a mini-van drove by with a tree hanging out of the window. To their credit their tree looked almost dead, and their fire roared into the night. We thru together some noodles and settled down for a night of poker. Once again Jerry Cow the Hustler J-Master Bling Bling, got himself down to his last chips, then proving “a chip on the table is all you need” by taking all our money once again.

Purakanui Falls

The next morning we jumped into our cars and took off to the much-heralded Purakanui falls. Now, I’m no waterfall expert, but I’ve seen Niagara & Yosemite falls, so I have some experience here. Purakanui falls, the place that the tourist board advertised from 100km away was to say the least ‘a little disappointing’ and missing a little of that Niagara kick - in fact a good dose of Viagra might have done the trick (for the waterfall, not me). In Central Otago, the mountain range, “The Remarkables” were exactly that - “Mount Aspiring” - once again, aptly named, but in keeping with “telling it like it is”, I’d have gone for Purakanui Puddle. So after spending 5 seconds in awe of the falls we swiftly departed and checked out a few more beaches, before heading back to Dunny. That’s Dunedin, not “The Dunny”.

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Photos

The Catlins Possy
Emma, Musk, J-Bomb, Claudia, Rob & Michael

Roadtrip
J-Bling, Michael and I

Roaring Bay
The undiscovered point break in the deep south

More courdoroy
Some beach - Could be porpoise bay - dunno

Papatowai
View from the campsite

"Go to the hills and bring my wood wench"
The eloquent man