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Published: October 31st 2006
3rd to 31st October 2006
You wait all your life to get somewhere, imagining what it's like in finite detail and then, when you arrive, you find out it's just like home. Bloody typical! Still, I should know by now that it is better to travel without pre-conceptions. It's not New Zealand's fault, as a country or culture, that it is so similar to where I come from. And, in contrast to taking this negative view, I am glad to have been made to feel so at home once again by the family and friends I have here. When you are welcomed so warmly and looked after so well, it is a familiar comfort you feel that helps you to forget you are at the furthest place away from your own place on the planet. Thanks to all of those that helped me to feel this way, I'll see you again soon.
Returning to the similarities between here and home with a Bill and Ted-esque "Everything is the same but, different." I could quite easily be in the back end of Berkshire while driving through the countryside here, and it's not just because it has been pee-ing down with
Not a Sole Around
On New Chum's Beach (or most other places for that matter)rain on and off since the day I arrived. Grazing livestock (especially the inevitable Sheep) dot wire-fence lined fields over endless rolling hillsides. Lush, bright green, Spring grass and darker patches of Gorse, coupled with Bracken covered, Pine forest floors could have me believing I was on the outskirts of Bracknell. However, the native Palms, Tree Ferns and crimson flowering Phlax first confuse the geographical senses then, confirm your true location as being on a South Pacific island.
Driving on the left again isn't as normal now for me as it once was thanks to the three months I spent riding around North America but, the road markings and signage do seem more naturally understood somehow. I am assisted with my upside-down touring by a new partner in crime, bought to enhance my nomadic New Zealand experience. "Nubie" is a Ford Econovan, converted in to a camper. I was going to go down the "try to fool everyone in to thinking I'd met someone else" road again, like I did when I purchased Suzi but, I couldn't be so cruel to those (particularly my Mum and best mate) who fell for it hook, line and sinker the last time.
And, when you consider that I regard Nubie to be male, I can only imagine what their reactions would have been. Possibly a coronary or twos worth there!. Mind you, is it any worse than trying to convince people you've fallen for a nine year old japanese girl?
Anyway, Nubie is now my constant companion as I travel this country, which I have heard many say, is just like the UK but, ten years behind. That seems a bit unkind to my mind but, does have an element of truth to it once you are outside the big cities and larger towns. The proof in this pudding is with things like losing reception on your mobile and car radio when you get out in the sticks. But, on the up side, it is an absolute pleasure to travel without the persistent annoyance of traffic hindering your path. Some days it seems like there’s nobody here. No surprise really, when you consider that New Zealand is, I believe I’m right in saying, twice the size of Great Britain with a population of only four point three million. It is this sort of statistic that makes it possible for you to
be driving along a supposed main drag when, all of a sudden, the road narrows as you cross a minor stream over a one lane bridge. That sort of thing just doesn’t happen on the M1! Without trying to sound patronising, I must say I find it all quite quaint.
One of the subtle differences that would not be considered as such by many at home(although I have found it highly amusing) is the use of swearing in the media. Or rather, it is the timing and placing of such blasphemy that is unusual when compared to the UK. Here are some examples; On the radio, in the middle of the day, an ad for a carpentry firm praising their obviously well regarded staff states; “So, for all your carpentry queries, go and see the boys down the yard- they’re a bloody good bunch of buggers!” The government themselves are no better. Their anti-drink driving campaign boasts a TV ad with the catch line “If your mate’s pissed, you’re screwed!” And, a poster in a pub toilet cubicle read “If you feel like a shit now, think how you’d feel if you let your drunk mate drive!” All a
The Stump on One Tree Hill
Looking out over Auckland.
bit near the bone if you ask me but, still funny. My personal favourite, however, has to be the road sign proclaiming the existence of a holiday park I passed one day (see the photo). What’s up with just saying “Oops!” ????
Anyway, what have I been up to in Aotearoa? Well, I actually thought I’d been a bit slow off the mark since I gained my residency status four weeks ago but, as I made a list of the things I’d done and the places I’d been (reproduced solely for your entertainment below) I realised I have covered quite a lot;
In Auckland, I toured the city and took in the view from One Tree Hill- made famous around the globe by the U2 song. Standing atop this blustery volcanic cone with The City of Sails spread out before me, the waters of its many marinas glistening in the afternoon sunlight, I wondered; Do Bono and co know that the “One Tree” was unceremoniously chopped down by an activist years ago? In the Waitakere ranges, west of the biggest city on either island, I walked through nature reserves marvelling at the varied fauna and flora. On the
Looking up a Kauri
You can't see round them, that's for sure! west coast of these hills, I visited stunning beaches populated by colonies of Gannets. Farther north, I tramped (that’s Kiwi for had a good wander) through Kauri tree stands which were once almost forested out completely but, now, thanks to the Department of Conservation and others, are protected and, in certain areas, being re-introduced. It’s difficult to describe the massive presence of these trees (some have a girth of over fifteen meters and my photos just don’t do them justice). So, making use of my newly acquired knowledge of the local language, I shall pay them tribute with a few well chosen and carefully translated words; “Jeez, they’re bloody big buggers!”
I have driven out on to but, not along Ninety Mile Beach. The surf was crashing in and I didn’t fancy the idea of Nubie taking an unwanted, impromptu paddle. I took a leisurely boat trip around The Bay of Islands on a vessel called “Mack Attack.” “Leisurely” being at about one hundred kilometres an hour on a skite across the water to a place called “Hole in the Rock” which is, well, I bet you can’t guess? At Waitangi, I learned all about the famous treaty which
bears its name and is still the basis for today’s New Zealand (and still the greatest bone of contention between Maori and Pakeha- that's the generic term for those of European descendency). I do not know enough on the subject to comment but, I will say this; Never put your name to anything unless you are 100% positive you are happy with it or, someone has got gun to your head or, you know that, at least, you're giving a false name (notice how very few of my blog entries are actually signed and, hence the Doctor Tree thing- there you go)!
I have seen a couple of traditional Maori concerts and enjoyed flavoursome, smoked food at a Hangi where that which is to be ingested is cooked in a hole in the ground, mmmmm! I have wandered on a completely deserted beach for the first time ever in the Coromandel but, declined to dig myself a spa pool in the sand at Hot Water Beach on the same peninsular because there were so many people there that the beach already had more holes in it than a Tetley tea bag.
I have carved myself a necklace out
of a bone fragment and have carved up the kilometres on the Coastal and Thermal Explorer Highways on my way down to Rotorua where, this entry was written and many a volcanic feature was explored. On the activity side of things, I have been Mountain Biking and Fishing (both quite briefly due to scarily poor performances) and have thrown myself down the sides of mountains in three different ways (four if you count the "Bouncing down uncontrollably on your arse" method). These were Luge, Snowboard and Zorb. The first is a plastic cart, with wheels the size of a shopping trolley's and the poorest of excuses for brakes, which rattles along steep, twisting, concrete runways at ridiculous speed. The second was the most fun so far but, by far the most exhausting (I ached for a week after and, in some of the most uncommon and uncomfortable of places too). And the third involves a zig-zag course running down one of the afore-mentioned rolling, green hill sides and a fifteen foot high, double-skinned, plastic ball. One hapless individual (namely me) and a couple of buckets of water are thrown into the inner sphere and the whole lot is pushed off
a platform and allowed to boing along down said course. I haven’t giggled so much since, oh, I don’t know, probably the last time I did!
I haven’t seen too much of the much anticipated scenery as yet. Everyone tells me that the South Island is the place for that and, in any case, the previously mentioned and constantly cursed weather has done nothing for the North Island’s credentials in this realm. However, I did catch a stunning sunrise at Waiwera where the sun seemed so intense and so close to the ocean that it threatened to set it alight. Why was I up so early? Silly question really. What, besides the death-defying acts of silliness and stupidity like those listed above, is going to get me out of my pit before the birds? Yep, Footy! I was up at five a.m and drove for two and a half hours to ensure I got to see Chelsea beat Barcelona. Well worth it, I reckon and, I did get to see that sunrise too so, a good day all round really.
Oh, and talking of Footy, that reminds me to mention one more difference between here and home before
I sign off. Footy isn’t the national sport here. I know, queer innit? And what makes matters worse is that Egg-chasing is! Sheds a strange and worrying light on the national psyche, that one. Still, it’s been no real cause for concern as yet and, despite the inappropriate language, I have generally found the Kiwis to be a bloody good bunch of buggers. I’ll let you know if I find any bloody nasty ones next bloody time.
But, for now, I must dash as I'm off to throw myself out of a light aircraft. So, here's hoping there will be a next time and it won't have been bloody at all!
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Mitch
non-member comment
Who the f*** are Man Utd!!
Great insight into your travels again mate...........coming to expect quality now! Crap season so far, but all that will change next week when we despatch United from the Carling Cup?!! All the best, Mitch