Advertisement
Published: July 14th 2008
Edit Blog Post
Sketch of Bunk Bed @ Hideaway Lodge
A few comments written under the bed go like this..
"Ha Ha I've wanked in this bed every night", "fuck this place", & "life happens when your making other plans". Well I've found it difficult to start writing about this next part of the journey, had some awkward moments, and discovering the strengths and weaknesses of being alone. Wrestling with my own thoughts and ideas and fitting into other peoples was not what I was ready for, was brought down a peg or two and maybe coming to terms with parts of myself that have been pointed out that I’m not quite sure what to think..
So landed in Keri Keri, postcode 0230, just to reiterate the twist of fate, for those into chaos theory or just understand the implications of the number 23, and having watched the butterfly effect recently, realise that sometimes your dealt situations but its what you make of them that count. I never got round to taking photos of the Hideaway Lodge, where I stayed for 3.5 weeks, so a bleak description of 6 to a room, with aproximately 130 people, was a mixed feeling of being caught in a time warp, or being in prison or glorified concentration camp where everyone is 'happy' aren't they? Don't question it! , (it reminded me of a play some of us saw at the dome called
Thinkin' Of You x
Sketch of me & Scott LUCY by Ed Harris, April ’07, check this playwright out! That Cassandra was a part of with the ACT school of drama and movement, Brighton, if anyone got round to seeing it, Brilliant play), as someone from the area described it, 'soulless'. Of course there were many souls there, from many different parts of the world, some only managed to stay a few days, one person had been there a year. It does what its mean't to do, set you up for finding work, and yes it’s the immigrant work force for the area and surrounding areas. To do the jobs locals wouldn’t really bother with. Its a good reminder of how a good proportion of the world is entering the New World Order, cheap labour, and as we are aware how so many end up in prison for not always big crimes, and certainly not crimes against humanity, and end up working doing meaningless tasks or projects, as a cheap work force, all in the name of law and order, sorry going off on a tangent.
Generally there’s a bit of a depression going on perhaps, with 80% of New Zealander’s income on the borderline, enough for housing
Sketch of Bunk Bed at Hideaway Lodge
Comments under the bed include,"Ha ha I've wanked in this bed every night", "Fuck this place", & "Life happens while your making other plans". and food but not much else. I feel also at this point not to talk about such things, as its this kind of attitude, as my fellow 'commrade' next door, who ‘doesn't like talking politics with up their own arse hippies that do yoga & eat soya with vegtable’s, that gets me on the wrong foot with people. According to him I’d never done anything for my country, (he was in the army) and if his sister was here she would of ‘knocked my lights out’, and would have done it himself if I were a bloke. Who the f*** did I think I was coming here doing ‘nigger shit’ raps to people, with my aggressive attitude, in peoples faces, which I was told is what everyone thought. But I’m just a posh southern twat aren't I? Never grew up on a council estate up north, and although I never knew my grandparents they were all in the war, not this one, but hey, some of us are at war.. with OURSELVES, running from addiction, friction, and contradiction!
But thanks to the guy next door, the truth that did get me, and the lesson learn't, was stop blaming everyone, blame yourself, that’s a tough one to swallow, innit? Its funny how sometimes a once forgotten past can creep up on you, and the one who has been bullied, can turn into the bully, there did feel like a whole, back at school thing going on, maybe that’s how I react when around bullies to try and fit in, and fear creeps in now too, paranoia’s I never new were there start creeping into my head, feelings of not being liked, trying to be part of something that feels alien to me, but at the same time desperately drinking to block it out and numb the emotion. There’s some of that going on here, but there’s also lots of wicked positive peeps, trying to get along, make it work, and travel the world to see its beauty, or find a new freedom, and make that work, we know is a global vision, but at what cost of leaving friends behind. I miss Brighton in that sense, at least you know where you stand with it.
As I entered the lodge, there was a general hum of that Eagles tune, 'Hotel California', and was told its exactly like the words in the song, '..you can check out anytime you like but you can never leave..' Amusing really, and on the other hand its probably quite a laugh picking and packing fruit that’s been sprayed with goodness knows what chemicals that will probably give you parkinson’s disease in the near future, or a tumor, oops, only joking! Happy, happy, joy, joy!! Still everyone works their arses off, and has a beer and a game of poker in the 'crack' den, as its called, only there's no crack, would probably be worth a crack if there was, that is a joke!
But honestly it is a laugh, and at the end of the day, like the next line says, '..We are all prisoners here, of our own device..' So true, and that’s why I left.
Although moving to a Hostel was a good move, Kevin the owner of Keri Keri Central was a gr8t guy, I was missing my partner, Scott, and family. It was a small hostel, where the resisdence were practically permanent, again I was wondering what I was up to a million miles away from home. I had just finished reading a book by Howard C. Cutler, on his interviews with the Dali Lama, ‘The Art of Happiness’. This part of the book helped consolidate a loneliness that strengthens the self.
"In Adult relationships, as well, the same flux occurs. (As with children and their piers). Levels of intamicy change, with periods of greater intamicy alternating with periods of greater distance. “This is also part of the normal cycle of growth and development. To reach our full potential as human beings, we need to be able to balance our needs for closeness and union with times when we must turn inward, with a sense of autonomy, to grow and develop as individuals.
As we come to understand this, we will no longer react with horror or panic when we first notice ourselves 'growing apart' from our partner, any more than we would panic watching the tide go out at the seashore. Of course, sometimes a growing emotional distance can signal serious problems in a relationship (an unspoken undercurrent of anger for instance), and even break ups can occur. In those cases, measures such as therapy can be very helpful. But the main point to keep in mind is that a growing distance doesn't automatically spell distaster It can also be part of a cycle that returns to redefine the relationship in a new form that can recapture or even surpass the intamicy that existed in the past.
So, the act of acceptance, of acknowledgeing that change is a natural part of our interactions with others, can play a vital role in our relationships. We may discover that it is at the very time when we feel most disappointed, as if something has gone out of the relationship, that a profound transformation can occur.
These transitional periods can become pivitol points when true love can begin to mature and flower. Our relationship may no longer be based on intense passion, the view of the other as the embodiment of perfection, or the feeling that we are merged with the other. To see the other as a separate individual, with faults and weaknesses perhaps, but a human being like ourselves. It is only at this point that we can make a genuine commitment, a commitment to the growth of another human being - an act of true love.”
Quote from Howard C.Cutler’s Book, interviews with the Dali Lama, ‘The Art of Happiness’.
Advertisement
Tot: 0.078s; Tpl: 0.014s; cc: 12; qc: 50; dbt: 0.0399s; 1; m:domysql w:travelblog (10.17.0.13); sld: 1;
; mem: 1.1mb
kevin
non-member comment
thks
n u were a gr8t paka :-)thks