More adventures in the land of Oz

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Hello again 😊 time for another glimpse into the world of Rachel and her adventures at YWAM Perth!

Just a little note...this week we have been learning about Missions and I LOVED IT. It was awesome. I would love to post my notes on it and thoughts and all that but too much other stuff has happened and this blog is going to be too long as it is so apologies if you wanted to learn about missions. Just know that it was awesome and I really really loved it.

So this week has been one rollercoaster of a week. I have been hyper and happy as and then crying a whole lot and venting anger through violence towards an apple. It's been random, it's been hectic, it's been fun, it's been crazy, it's been so so frustrating, it's been upsetting....it's just been a whole bunch of things.
The main cause of this rollercoaster is the uncertaintly about outreach. I would love to write right now that I know for sure where i am going but unfortunately i can't as no-one really knows.

So many deadlines have been and gone in terms of outreach finance now and I thought i was safely on my outreach team once the total i received was over $3000 but then this week I was told that the money has stopped coming in as much so they were going to look into other options.
On thursday there was a meeting with the head of DTSs and the students and leaders who didn't have enough money to go on their outreach options. There were only 3 YP students (Young Person DTS students) including me and 3 compassion students (another DTS) and 2 staff members and we were told that there was going to be a new team created using those who didn't have enough finance and those who had their visas denied to go to Indonesia which is a whole lot closer and therefore a whole lot cheaper to go to (plus the base has sent out a lot of teams to indonesia so they are pretty confident in continuing with the ministry to Indonesia). I was pretty distraught when i found that out as I had become so close to the team I thought I was going on outreach on and I just felt like the carpet had been ripped from beneath my feet. I was so confused and so frustrated and just had so many questions like 'Why me?' and 'Did I do something wrong or am I being affected by someone else disobeying God?'. As soon as the meeting was over I went to a quiet place and just cried and shouted and took out my anger on an apple (weird I know but hey ho). The ending basically ended with the leader saying that we should look at this team as being what is going to happen and unless we got all our finances in by monday we would not be on the original teams and he told us we should really talk to God about it and ask God to change our heart towards the whole situation. So I went and was angry and was upset and was a bit 'woe is me' and then once I calmed down a bit and let God know how i felt I talked to God about Him changing my heart if it was where I am meant to God and what I am meant to do and I actually felt my heart change. It was so bizarre but looking back on it it was very cool!

So i still wasn't happy about it all but thought that I should go back and try and find someone to talk to about it and talk through what it all actually meant and what we would be doing. I found the leader of the school and he gave me a little insight to it and it would be pretty similar to what I would be doing in South Africa and Italy in terms of a whole lot of evangelism, working with churches and with youth groups. The cool thing about the Indonesia outreach is that I would be going to 3 of the Indonesian islands including Balai which is where Australians go on holiday. The thing i was struggling to come to terms with was not the countries I would be going to but the team I was on so although hearing about the country was good it wasn't the main problem and I had to continuously hand it all over to God saying that if He wanted me to go to Indonesia with a different team there is obviously a good reason for it and I could ultimately trust Him with it.
Then the whole school started to find out what was happening and came to ask me about it and i got a whole lot of 'have faith' and 'trust in Him' and 'God's plan' and to be honest i was just so fed up with having people throw phrases at me when they were not in the same position or had to really go through the process of trusting for finance. A lot of what they were saying was what in theory i needed to hear but i knew what i needed to do. I felt a whole lot better with the conversation i had with God straight after the meeting and then i came back and had all these things spoken at me and i just felt so frustrated and fed up. Some people did stay with me though and really walked me through it and prayed with me about it and I felt so much better for it.
Every day has presented new challenges in terms of trusting God for finance and it's the first time I've actually had to do it so i was already out of my comfort zone but this was like a whole new level of outside my comfort zone...i couldn't even see my comfort zone anymore it was that far away. But through this experience I feel like a million times closer to God and I was able to apply a whole lot of different things which were had been taught so far like submission to authority and being flexible in missions.

I still have no idea what is going on and to be honest at this point it could go either way. I could still go to Indonesia or I could go on the original outreach. Somethings have happened over the weekend which has meant that the group has shrunk. The class raised enough money between them to allow one of the staff members to rejoin their original team and one YP and one compassion managed to raise enough money over the weekend so they are no longer in the team. So at the moment if the Indonesia team does go forward it will be 1 staff member, 2 YP students and 2 compassion students...and over half that team will consist of people from the South Africa + Italy team i.e. the staff member and other YP student are off my team. It's pretty bizarre and it obviously affects the south africa team because their team has been cut down from 10 students and 2 leaders to being 7 students (one had already been told that she had to stay in australia because of a lack of passport) and 1 leader with the possibility of another student leaving half way through and joining the indonesia team because of visa problems. After 2 months in Indonesia each person would return to Australia and return to the original group they were assigned to so I would spend at least 3 weeks with the original team but at the beginning of coming around to not being in my original team...3 weeks just didn't seem enough. Now I feel peace about either situation...on one side I would love to go with my original team to the countries i thought i was going to but I feel like i've got a heart for indonesia so it wouldn't be the end of the world if i had to go there...in fact if my team went to indonesia instead that would be perfect.

In summary...this week has not been easy in terms of all this but i feel so much closer to God through it.
And that's not all. If you think that I probably was a bit overdramatic about the whole situation then you could have a valid point. But each day last week I felt like I was out of my comfort zone in one way shape or form.
The first of this out of the comfort zone experience related to a friendship issue which just really shook me. Hurtful words have been exchanged and pain has been felt and a really close friendship has disappeared, at least temporarily. Now my automatic response to something like this is to shut down, blame them and run away. But through what I've been learning about friendships and God I have been putting myself in a place of vulnerability, reaching out to them every day and waiting for them to be ready to start again or something which difficult and is upsetting.
Secondly God told me to make a video about my time here and I was like 'er I have no means to do it with and no skills in this area' so I had to approach someone and ask for help (argh) and then hand over control when they took it into their hands (ARGH) oh and I had to appear on camera and then watch it (ARGH!!!!). So I hope you enjoyed it...it wasn't my idea...it was God and only God. Have loved seeing all the positive response it's received though!! YAY!
Third thing is we learnt about Missions last week and I was just really convicted about how I value possessions so much and how things I own so often come between me and God and really affect other areas of my life, specifically the dependency I have to music and my i-pod. So to cut a long story short God told me to give me away my ipod...and I did. So i have been ipodless since wednesday and when i see it with the person i gave it to i find it a little difficult and i do miss music but God has really met me where I am at and has helped me through it and we are so much closer. So yer when I found out about the whole indonesia thing I was ipodless and i really had to go to God and bare all as there was just no other option...no other comfort...nothing standing in the way...and I just feel a million times closer to Him and it is so much better than music and owning an ipod.

Ok so this is turning into a really long blog so i'll just tell you a little story about my weekend and then sign off!
I went to the beach on sunday (shocker right?!) and i spent the whole day there and went to play in the ocean as you do when you're in Australia and the waves were just not kind to me at all. I had my first experience of being pulled and knocked about under the water and then i had this experience repeated over and over and over again. So i gave up and was leaving and then more friends came in so i was like 'ok i'll guess i'll stay a little longer' so i did. i went out to try and get to the place where the waves didn't hit you so bad and i found it...but it turned out to be a rip tide which if you are a surfer or enjoy ocean related activites you'll be thinking 'oh no she didn't!'. Basically a rip tide is not what you want to be stuck in. It is an undercurrent which pulls you further and further and further out and before you know it you can't see anything anymore and you can't swim against it because it is more powerful than you...the only solution is swimming to the side to try and get out of it. Well i am an incredibly weak swimmer so i thought that i couldn't get to my friends because i'm a weak swimmer and i was just being slow...but i was swimming and only getting further away and i just couldnt understand what was happening. I couldn't reach the bottom and it was just so calm hey so i switched between just chilling and trying to swim. Now if you're freaking out right now (*cough* mum *cough*) don't worry....i had life guards just a metre away from me who asked me if i needed help twice...and i declined twice as i thought i was just weak and was embaressed and i didn't have a clue what was going on. So they continued to watch me and then my surfer friend came out and was like 'what are you doing? you're in a rip tide...get out' and i was like 'oh' and he pulled me out of it via him swimming and me holding onto his surf board. The about 10 minutes later i watched a helicopter search to see if anyone had been pulled out by the rip tide.
So i guess moral of this story is...if attractive australian life guards are just watching you and asking you if you need help and the people on the beach are getting further and further away...say yes.

Love to you all 😊
Thanks to all who have offered to support me before and after seeing the video. Much appreciated! I post a mini-blog when I find out what is happening in terms of outreach so keep your eyes peeled for that one!
Hope you've all had a great week!

Love and blessings,
Rachel

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Comments

[Hilary Shepherd]

Rachel, God is really taking you on a journey I guess you never expected. You are learning so much, as are those who read your blog. Thanks for sharing what you are learning about God. You will probably never know how many lives are being touched by your honesty. Psalm 46 came to my mind as I was thinking about you. You are in our hearts and prayers.xxxx