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Published: August 20th 2010
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The Wedding
A picture of me with one of the young staff members from Gahanga waiting for arrival of the Bride and Groom. THE WEDDING
Rwandan Weddings (Betrothals) are a reasonably drawn out complicated affairs. Most traditional Rwandan marriages are divided into 3 stages each holding equal importance. To begin with there is no such thing as an engagement or period of being engaged. When both the male and female decide they like each other enough to get married the process begins. Stage 1. During this stage the Brides parents and the Grooms parents ask a number of people (generally three in number and mainly males) to represent them in the bridal negotiations. These people are generally respected friends of the family, in some cases they may be people who have done this before and hire out their skills. In our particular case I think they were just very good and trusted friends of the family. A time is set when the negotiations will take place and relatives and friends are invited to witness the discussions. The job of the mediators is to come to an amicable agreement on the dowry the Groom will have to pay. Traditionally the price for a bride was a cow. Depending on the importance of the Bride’s family determined the number of cows offered. The role of
The Wedding
Arriving at the Reception after the church wedding. the Groom’s representatives is basically to say how wonderful the Groom is, he is an upstanding young man who dosn’t get drunk, is hard working etc and how much of a blessing he would be to his Father-in-Law. The Bride‘s representatives job is to explain how much of a loo she will be to the family and how important it is to make the right choice for her. They question the Groom‘s representatives on his personal habits, his future prospects and his personal values. The Groom who is at this meeting sitting behind his representatives is not allowed to enter the conversation at all. He must remain silent throughout the whole proceedings. The bride’s father is also at the meeting but he also must remain silent. The Bride herself is closeted away in her room and has no part in the dealings at all. The discussions are carried out with a high degree of theatrical flair with much debating and jocular innuendo. As far as I am aware and have been told that at this stage the father has already given the Bride and Groom his blessing, this is a stage that one is expected to go through more for
The Wedding
The crowd that followed singing and clapping as the couple walked to the reception. the relatives and friends.
Eventually when the negotiations have been completed the Bride is bought out to meet her future husband. Generally she is wearing the traditional matrimonial dress and is accompanied by her female assistants and mother. After the introduction between the Bride and Groom (who probably have been going out together for years) they bring out the food and drink. Thus ends stage 1.
Now the Bride and Groom move into Stage 2, the shortest yet most legalist stage of any marriage. Stage 2 involves being married at the local council building by an official given the power to perform marriages. As far as I am aware if you don’t go and get married at the marriage registry your marriage (carried out in the church later is not recognised as legal). The people who attend this part of the ceremony are generally those in the wedding party, the parents of both parties and the representatives who previously did the bargaining. Apparently others can go but generally don’t. It is an in and out affair. Stage 2 now has been completed.
Stage 3 the Final stage. This stage is the church wedding. They wedding before God.
The Wedding
The cutting of the white ribbon to allow the Bride and Groom enter the reception area. In our case the wedding was a traditional wedding as we would know it performed in a Catholic Church. The Bride wore white, she was walked down the isle by her father accompanied by her Bridesmaids and the minister quoted from Corinthians 13. They sang hymns and exchanged vows. This was all done in Kinyarwanda. It had to be explained to me.
After the ceremony the Bride and Groom went off to have their official wedding photos taken while the rest of use went to the Bride’s house to get ready for their arrival at what could be loosely referred to as the reception. The reception is held in a Marque type structure with seating arranged in a horse shoe structure all facing the front where couches have been arranged for the official wedding party (including their negotiators). When the Bride and Groom arrive they are dropped off 100 metres from the reception so they can walk to the Marque followed by a procession made up of parents, relatives, friends and well wishers all singing and clapping. When they reach the Marque the Groom is given a pair of decorated scissors with which to cut the white ribbon allowing
The Wedding
The offering of the drink to each other. him and his Bride to enter the reception area. Once they and the other members of the party were seated everybody else sat down on the benches provided.
At this point the formalities begin and the MC takes over and runs the show. The representatives from both parties give speeches, the Bride and Groom are introduced and then the choir sings and in our case a troupe of dancers performed. I’m not sure this always happens. After this the Bride and Groom are offered a glass of soft drink which they then offer to each other to drink. At this point the guests (adult ones) are offer a drink also. The choice was soft drink or beer. This drinking ceremony is then followed by the cutting of the cake. Again the Bride and Groom offer each other a piece of cake. When this is done the cake is cut up and offered around to the adults again (poor kids miss out).
Once the cake has been cut and distributed it is time for the guests to offer their wedding gifts. To do this an orderly line forms down the middle of the Marque in front of the Bride
The Wedding
The wedding cakes. These were cut up and distributed to the guests by the Bride. and Groom who then receive the gifts. Gifts vary from money to towels. Interestingly if the gift was money it was given to the Groom who past it on to his best man for safe keeping but if it was a gift it was given to the Bride who passed it onto her bridesmaids.
When the gift giving was completed there was more singing and dancing. There were the final speeches made by the Bride’s representatives and then the Bride and Groom leave in the same formal manner of their arrival. Again it was interesting that neither the Bride or Groom, nor their parents or attendants gave speeches. Stage 3 commenced at 1:00pm at the church and finished at 5:30 when the Bride and Groom took their leave.
Then I came home and wrote this epilogue. My blogs seem to be getting longer and longer. I apologise for this.
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