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Published: March 16th 2007
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Schulz, Stu and Jimbo came out to visit Nic in Australia - guest written by Mr. K. Schulz.
The trip started with a bang on our first night, and we basically learnt what animals bouncers in Australia are. Nic and I couldn't get into a pub and Nic was protesting in a manner befitting an English gentleman when suddenly these crazy big bouncers started punching him. To his credit he fought back and was rewarded with a potentially broken wrist for the rest of the trip (which he didn't check out of course). We then met up with the others in the Kings Cross area only to meet with more trouble as Jimbo was bundled down the stairs leading to a mass brawl of bouncers laying into Englishman, including other bouncers from surrounding bars running up for some fun. Stu made the grave mistake of really catching one of them with a strong punch and was rewarded with 4 fat guys pinning him down on the floor, knee on cheek. Brawling aside, Sydney was a nice collection of sightseeing, chilling on the lovely Bondi and Manly beaches and drinking in dirty backpacker bars. We ticked off each sight but usually
with a funny story to boot, like breaking through the barriers in the Opera House to conduct our own private tour or lifting up the bewildered assistant topless (us not her) in our skyscraper tour picture. We did cause trouble back in the hostel on a few occasions as we came back looking for parties only to find empty corridors ripe for naked man-games (not for you Todd), and the hostel sadly locked our keys as punishment on more than one occasion, meaning one of us had to go down to the front desk and listen to a lecture on behaviour. Jimbo also introduced himself to a large group of ladies on a daylight shopping street by running into the middle topless (him not them) and dancing madly.
Surfers Paradise was next and here we finally caught some real Aussie sun after the mixed bag Sydney weather. We checked into the local hostel and lasted a grand total of perhaps 10mins there before running to the sanctuary of the nearest 25th floor junior suite. Basically all the hostel had left was an 8 bedroom dorm with half-chewed mattresses sharing with amongst others a middle-aged Indian guy and a 50
year-old well-fed lady asleep naked at 2pm! Surfers is a real party town but also a lovely place to relax in the day. As the name suggests it's a popular place for surfing and there was one evening when Nic pretended Schulz was the British surfing champion and world no. 110, and so Schulz went along with it. All was well until the next day when we bumped into these people on the beach complete with their surfboards... - needless to say they found out the truth. Schulz bought some vintage champagne whilst inebriated whilst Stu hired a big sexy chopper bike to drive down to Byron Bay one day. We also made it down to the local Wet N Wild waterpark and amused the staff in the nearby McDonalds afterwards by entering in comedy dress with "Macho Man" blasting in the background. I think it is fair to say that we made an impression wherever we went!
Brisbane came next and we weren't expecting much having listened to all the whinging backpackers, which just made the discovery of this great city even sweeter. Again we went for the swanky appartment, this time 20th floor with a massive balcony
Stu in Specks!!
Good look for you mate!! overlooking the CBD and river, and again we partied hard whilst making time on a hot day for a traditional Aussie BBQ complete with ubiquitous shrimp. Shrimp wasn't the only traditional Aussie activity as we also caught Neighbours 4 months ahead (it was like living in the future man) and so as someone who knows very little about this let me spoil it all for your readers by announcing that Boyd splits up with his wife and some gym teacher kisses another girl.
Driving up to Hervey Bay via Noosa provided the chance for a few days of easier action as we went on the Fraser Island camping trip. We were fortunate to be paired with 7 white girls who even had the washing up done before we woke each morning, although stereotypes were reversed as these girls were absolutely crazy-fast drivers over the rough sand tracks compared to our sedatory, bumpless cruising. Some of the sights were stunning on the island and it was great fun setting up camp and cooking for ourselves, as well as fending off the wild dingos. Possibly the funniest thing was Stuart not wanting to let down a pack of wild ladies, rolling
down a sand dune at full speed and splashing into Lake Wabby below...did I mention he was naked, hilarious!!
By the time we had finished Fraser Island I think we were all ready to "lare it up a bit in S-Town" and Sydney is certainly a bloody nice city on a hot friday evening. There was just time on the last day to chill on Bondi again before the 23-hour flight home. 14days, 5 fancy appartments, 4 cities, 13 nights out, 11000miles, 1 criminal record, 1 crazy driver (Jimbo McSwerve), 4 fantasists economical with the truth and 3 punch-ups.
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Carole Stilwell
non-member comment
Re : Lads at large
Nice work Shultz, good to have you guest editing! Although I dread to think what really went on if this is what you're prepared to admit to!! Good to see you at the concert last night - does that make us really hip, or you an old fogey?