2 months in NYC

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I almost forgot I was writting a blog, but I am and I'm finally writing once again after some time. I'll admit, I've been growing lazy and way too comfterable here in the city. I am not at the hotel anymore, I moved in with Anthony, a co-worker and new friend I've made. He rents an attic turned into an apartment out of a house in queens, north a couple of miles from where I was staying near JFK. I gave him $400 dollars to stay in his living room for the month, I don't know if he gave all 400 to the land lord or how he worked it out, but im just glad I'm finally staying in NYC under my own terms. I think i've finally found peace of mind in the meantime, I feel comfterable enough and ready to move on from New York if I wanted to. But am I ready to? I don't know. In these past two months, i've made a great friend, Anthony, made relations with people from other countries who've invited me to stay at their homes in their respective countries when ever I would like to. I've also familliarized myself some what with the city and north east culture, and I know what i want and dont want from this city aswell. I will admit, I'm still quite hollow, I don't feel like the city has done much for me emotional and inspirational wise, maybe it has to do with lack of effort on my side. None the less, I feel like I could move on now, though I would feel terrible if I did before completing a personal achievement, or at least finishing my nyc bucket list. A list that includes: performing in the subway or anywhere in Manhattan with a guitar or a band. learn to break dance or dance like a boy band member. Learn to dance, period. Other things that were included in this list I feel I've done already, like riding a bike all over Manhattan, and working in midtown.

I've been looking into construction jobs in Manhattan, but I'm not sure if what I want is to make fast easy cash working in what I always did in the past or if to keep myself in more social working atmospheres and keep familiarizing with the city that way. I remember when I first got to New York and gave away 80 dollars to some bitch in some office in midtown, thinking I was buying myself into a security guard position. Found them on an ad in the back of some paper I was reading while shitting in the NYC public library restroom down on 42nd. I learned days later that fraudulent offices promising security guard positions existed all over the city-- something I had already highly suspected at the time I gave my money away, but was too desperate and anxious to think. I should perhaps learn from that experience and learn to take things as they come and act on pure passion and certainty.

One thing I've learned about this city is that no matter what social class you belong to, every one likes to gossip, be an individual, scheme... People love to scheme here. Co workers against co workers, friends against friends, family against family, it doesn't matter. Im currently not too comfortable at my job for that reason and have been looking for other options. Hypocrisy is a main element of city life, and to be honest I'm quite sick of it, though admittedly i'm a main practician. I'm sick of hiding my true nature, intentions and emotions-- how can people live ok with themselves? Fuckers here love to have the upper hand... on everything.

New york, new york.... will you ever grow on me, some day?

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