Day 9 - Time To Go Home

---

---

Today is the day I return to my home in Alabama. In a way, the time has gone by quickly yet it seems I have been gone for a long time. I am anxious to see my beautiful Carol. I have spoken to her every day but usually for just a few moments. I have missed her greatly! One night, I was sitting by the bed writing, and I could have sworn she was laying in the bed a foot or so away. I looked over several times because I had the feeling she was there but, she wasn't.

I have enjoyed my time of exploration and freedom. It will be difficult to readjust to my everyday life again. There are moments and memories I will always be able to escape to when work or life begins to get to me. I will never forget the feeling of freedom I have enjoyed these last nine days. It has really made me appreciate what all the brave men and women who have gone to war were there to fight and protect. The United States is not perfect. I do not agree with everything our government does, but because these men and women fought and died for our freedom I can express my views, disagree with a government decision, or buy a plane ticket and get lost for nine days.

Nine days ago, I set out to get lost and find me. I can now tell you that you don't have to get lost to find yourself. There is good and bad in all of us...ALL OF US! You just have to be true to yourself, your family, and your friends. Since getting into management, I have always told my employees that family comes first. Do what you have to do to take care of your family because your family, friends, and your relationship with God are the only things that really matter. I am now giving myself permission to follow my own advice.

Throughout my life, I have always been one that others looked to for help when fighting their fights. It is an honor to be held in such high regard, but it comes with a price. I can no longer do it. It has worn me down. I am giving myself permission to sit on the sidelines and yell encouragement and advice to anyone needing my assistance.

I have always had a tendency to keep my feelings close and not share them with the people closest to me. I am very independent and think I can solve all my problems without assistance from anyone. Sometimes, I have even been so arrogant as to carry my problems around looking for a solution when all I had to do was turn them over to God but I wouldn't because I was too proud and stubborn. I am giving myself permission to realize I can't solve all my problems alone. I am also giving myself permission to seek answers from God.

I will always be a bit standoffish, I can't help it. I have been like this for 51+ years. I don't know how to change this part of me. I do know that going inside my inner cave and closing the door is not the answer. I know that keeping Carol standing at the door wondering what I'm doing; what I'm thinking is not the right thing to do. I am ordering myself to stay out of my inner cave and communicate with my loving wife who needs my love and companionship. Even more, needs for me to be the one she looks forward to seeing at the end of every day. She already has the key to my heart. I am giving her the key to my cave door so she can go inside and drag me out.

I want to thank Carol for loving me and trusting me enough to allow me to do something I have always wanted to do. Carol is a very special person. I will always remember laying in bed at night when I was single and praying for God to send someone to love me. A few weeks later, along comes Carol. We have been good for each other as we have made a life together. I look forward to growing old with her and facing the challenges of life together.

Thomas Wolfe said, "You can't go home again." Frederick W. Robertson said, "Home is the one place in all of this world where hearts are sure of each other. It is the place of confidence." I agree with Mr. Robertson, I am glad to be home.

If anyone reads this, I hope they enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed living it and writing it. As we Episcopals say every Sunday, "Go in peace to love and serve the Lord."

I will leave you with this short poem about going home:


If Home is Where The Heart is ...

by John McLeod

If Home is where the heart is
Then may your Home be blessed
A shelter from the storms of Life
A place of rest,
And when each day is over
And toil put in its place
Your Home's dear warmth
Will bring its smile
To light the saddest face!

---

Photos

Carol at The Vietnam Veterans Memorial
Her Dad was a Vietnam Vet.

The Other Woman in My Life
Our cat, Gatos