Your Love Is a Song

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[youtube=z0rckZSB4_g][youtube=Zg4cYdP1ngw]

a sweeter song

This past weekend was Men's and Women's Weekend. Obviously, I was part of the latter aspect of the weekend. We women traveled about 1 1/2 hours toward Piermont, New Hampshire. Once we reached the "Welcome to New Hampshire" sign, we had one more mile to go before we reached our destination. We stayed in the basement of a church, Piermont Congregational Church. When we arrived, we got settled and were led in worship by the lovely Karen Pankratz and Mallory Bayles. My team leader, Meg, led discussion about the topic which I described in my last blog post: the idea of asking "who" God is when approaching scripture. She explained an example of how to base a quiet time on the question of "who?" It was most easily applicable to Gospel stories in Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John. We analyzed a passage on our own (I looked at John 7) to see not only what Jesus said, but how He acted and reacted toward disciples, pharisees, and other characters in the passage. By looking at His character in action and response, we were able to see what Jesus values. This was a beautifully simple way to apply what I had learned.

After our quiet times and an awesome lunch full of veggies, fruit, and quinoa (mmm), we ventured out to a farm just down the road, Robie Farms. There, we took turns riding on a pontoon boat (at 10 mph, woohoo!) and enjoyed the beautiful weather on the (Connecticut?) river. I was part of the group the attempted to lay out on an open field (part of someone's farm for sure) to soak up the sun. After failed attempts to relax despite the bugs that invaded our quiet, peaceful space, we eventually went back to the farm and grabbed some raw milk ice cream. It was DELICIOUS, but the story of how we got the ice cream was just as delicous. The little shop on the farm containing the products from their chickens and dairy cows was completely uninhabited by any employees. There was an open register on the counter where a cashier would be expected to be. The owners of the farm trust customers to pay the full amount of whatever they want to buy and not to steal from the open register. It was baffling and somewhat confusing, but the beauty I saw in the owners' trust in customers, and thus in God to provide and keep them safe was amazing.

Returning back to the church, we prepared pizzas of all kinds for dinner. After dinner, the eccentric and awesome Allie Wong led us in an activity using Solarium pictures. Once we discussed our decisions for choosing pictures that described where we currently were in relationship to God and in general, stuff got real. We had a hot seat (sleeping bag) open for anyone to confess sins, ask for forgiveness, request prayer. Many of us opened up about struggles and idols that overwhelmed us. I was able to admit and ask forgiveness for some big issues in my life about which I was still pretty new at confessing. It was HUGE to see the comfort and support God was so willing to provide through these women I've only known for a few weeks!

Based on the hot seat confessions, the staff women decided to continue our discussions about some of the issues that arose and were shared. A lot of us cried out about shame and pain from sexual sin, so Karen and company wanted to open the floor for us to share our experiences with each other and learn together about God's design for sex, gender, and different issues that surround this topic. This past Monday night after Nav Night, we women met to discuss this topic and begin healing together. A story that Karen told to open conversation was part of the Greek myth about Odysseus' encounter with sirens. He so badly wanted to hear the beautiful song sung by the sirens that he strapped himself tightly to the mast while his men plugged their ears with wax and ignored his screams so the ship could sail psat the sirens carefully and Odysseus could hear the song. Orpheus had a different idea: he didn't want to be lured in and tortured by the sirens' song, so he sang a more beautiful song to drown out the sirens' song and sail by safely.

This story is relatable to any issue of idolatry, but sexual idolatry is especially relatable. The overwhelming beauty and power in sexuality is good, but, like any other good thing, if it is made the most important thing, it is dangerous. By worshipping sexuality (or anything else for that matter), one falls victim to the pain and loss of freedom that accompanies the idol. By "strapping ourselves to the mast" through legalism (do this, don't do that), we have no hope of being truly free. We are still bound and enslaved to the thing. To truly be free we must sing a more beautiful song, hear a more powerful tune that covers the attraction of the thing. Jesus promises to be this song. By learning about the most beautiful thing, our creator God, we can take on the character Jesus exampled for us. We can begin to live a sweeter song and break free from the chains we used to bind ourselves.

patience

Last night (Thursday) was Bible Study night. Instead of the usual format of discussion, we practiced Lectio Divina prayer with the section we read, Colossians 3:1-11. Lectio Divina is just a fancy-shmancy Latin term meaning "divine reading," and involves specific prayer as one reads scripture. The format is to read the passage 4 times. The first reading is called "Lectio" (surprise!), and involves listening/reading closely, taking note of any words or phrases that stand out. The second reading is "Meditatio," when one pays attention to the words/phrases that jumped out and notes any images, songs, stories, experiences associated with the phrases that come to mind. For the third reading, "Oratio," one asks God, "What are you saying to me through these images?" The fourth and final reading is "Contemplatio," during which one asks "God, what does all of this mean for me? How do You want me to respond to this?"

Through this study, God showed me something important that tied together all of the details He was gradually showing me over the past few weeks. He showed me that His character (as exhibited by Jesus) included patience. Jesus was always patient with His disciples, with pharisees, "sinners," and anyone else He met. He told parables to explain eternal concepts to temporal people, meeting them where they were in the era and culture in which they lived. If Jesus was patient with all kinds of people, wouldn't He also be patient with me? God allowed this concept to sink into my heart, proving that it's ALRIGHT if I take a while to learn, if I make a lot of mistakes along the way, if I'm not as strong as I expect myself to be. He proved through the past couple of years of my faith journey that repentence (turning away from something harmful and toward God) is a much more diligent and time-consuming process than I believed it to be. He proved that it's OK for me to have taken so long to understand this concept, and that repentence is a lenghty process for me.

Based on this better understanding He gave to me along with wisdom from my dad about more specific details of my life, I decided to truly WAIT and listen for God to answer me. Specifically, I had planned on leading a Bible Study through Navs next year at UC focused on pre-service teachers. I was excited about the idea and ready to jump into planning it, but God had other plans. The idea was not on the forefront of my mind until this week when I realized I should ask God one more time what was His will in the situation. Through wisdom, scripture, and clarifying events, I surrendered to God's will for me not to lead the study (or any study) next year. This is a HUGE turning point in my life, because for as long as I can remember, I've overloaded and overwhelmed myself with committments. This summer was the first time when I was able to relax my grip on a tight, full schedule. I have experienced so much peace, lasting joy, healing, and better relationships with others as a result. I will definitely be busy with class, work, homework, and co-hort (pre- student teaching work), so the schedule I have this summer is not exactly possible during the school year. Nonetheless, I am allowing myself to focus more on the things I MUST do and on the people God's already placed in my life so I can produce more fruit for the Kingdom. By focusing more on fewer people, I will have more resources (time, energy, patience, service, love) to offer to them. By spreading myself thin among too many people and events, I'm prone to anxiety and can't ever hope to accomplish anything or love anyone as well as if I focus on fewer things.

prayer requests

The passage on which I've been meditating because of its significance in my heart is Isaiah 30:18-26, and more specifically verse 22, which compares my sins/idol worship to a menstrual cloth. I don't care who you are, that's disgusting. Will you pray with me that the things we value more than relationship with God would be as disgusting and unwanted as a menstrual cloth? He offers BEAUTIFUL promises in the rest of the passage that proves that He has more joyful and eternal gifts for us than the other things we worship.

Speaking of gifts, I want to lift up a praise for the way God has been providing for me here at GMS. I've been earning plenty through working at good ol' P-Chops that I may be able to finish up the remainder of the program costs. Thanks to all of your prayer and contributions, I'm getting closer to my goal of $2500! I've experienced peace through the process that has allowed me to be just a bit less tight-wadded with money while still saving/spending wisely. Through this summer, God's shown me the unexpected ways He provides not only resources but peace, rest, and joy. He is proving His goodness to me, and I'm able to take a few more small steps of trust toward Him.

GMS is finally "getting real" for many of us here. A lot of people with whom I've spoken this week are in similar places as me in discovering harsh truths and working toward healing. Some people have families in trouble or have lost family members. Would you pray with me that God would continue to show us His perfect love and comfort those of us who need comfort? He's doing amazing things in our hearts, but some of us don't see His love at all through horrible events like loss of family or of homes (like those who lost their homes in the fires in Colorado). Often, the only action we can take to comfort each other is to quietly, humbly pray for each other. Words and service don't always heal broken or bitter hearts, but God promises He will.



I love you all and will leave you with the songs by Switchfoot and Phil Wickham about the more beautiful song God promises to sing for us.

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