Mexico via The Walmart Express

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If Walmart ever started a cruise line, one of it's ships would, no doubt, look like Carnival's Ecstasy which runs out of Galveston, Texas. It makes four and five day cruises and goes to Progreso and Cozumel, Mexico. During the five day cruise you have a full day at sea after leaving Galveston and another full day at sea after leaving Mexico on the way back. My wife and I recently took a cruise on the Ecstasy. While on the cruise, we learned that the ship is being transferred to New Orleans and another Carnival ship is replacing it in Galveston.

While on the outside of the terminal, we watched people as they piled out of cars, vans, and pickups. To begin with, we travel a lot so we have learned to travel light. We had a couple of pieces of carry-on luggage which was enough for the five day cruise. We witnessed people with enough luggage to last for several months. I mean there were couples who had four large suitcases between the two of them as well as some smaller bags. There were families carrying piles and piles of suitcases. If we carried that much luggage when we traveled, we would have to rest between trips and wouldn't get to travel that much.

After being herded through the terminal by Carnival's lackeys, we arrived on board ship. Since it was close to noon, a buffet lunch was being served on the Lido deck. This is a place consisting of two serving lines outside and two inside. Since we couldn't go to our cabin for a couple of hours, we took our luggage there with us. As the passengers arrived on board, all of them headed straight to lunch. Many of these people looked as though they could do without eating for a few months as they were so huge. In fact, they could hibernate during the winter and live off of the stored fat much like bears do. However, they stacked their luggage and elbowed their way to the trough. The outside lines face the pool and there was loud music already playing. The music has to be loud in order to attract the attention of those with the lowest IQs. Over the ensuing five days, we were to find that this was the norm on board ship.

A huge number of these people looked as though they started on a trip to Walmart and somehow ended up on the Ecstasy and didn't quite know how to act. However, they needed not worry as the cruise staff would enable them to settle in and enjoy themselves. The advantage of being on the cruise ship is that there are more places to eat than in Walmart, which usually just has a McDonalds, and they can eat pretty near all day and night. The Pizzeria stayed open 24 hours a day so that enabled them to have pizza in the middle of the night. They could top that off with ice cream and, if they were still hungry, order from room service. Meanwhile, there were buffets and dining rooms open from 6:30am until 11:00pm. You can even throw some bread and pastries in your purse or a paper bag and carry it to your room. Add a little fried chicken and mashed potatoes to that. No doubt, some people brought bags along just for this purpose. The roaches on board are fed better than in these people's homes.

Later when we went to our cabin, the ship announced that there was to be a boat drill and that everyone was required to attend. To make it easy, no one was required to bring their lifejackets with them. Apparently, in case of an emergency, everyone would, supposedly, learn how to don these things very quickly. We have been on cruises before and have never attended a lifeboat drill and didn't blemish our record by attending one on this vessel. Besides, the makeup of the crew on one of these vessels is such that one doesn't want to depend on these people in case of an emergency. I still remember the cruise ship off of South Africa on which a fire broke out some years back. The captain, who was Greek, and other crew members were among the first ones off. In fact, he called the vessel from ashore to see how things were going. The cruise director, a woman, was the one who organized the evacuation and helped get people off. Our cruise director looked as though he might have trouble getting himself off in case of an emergency. To hell with the passengers.

At sea, the ship tends to roll slightly from port to starboard and this increases as the weather deteriorates. We watched as people made it to the buffet lines pushing small carts with oxygen bottles. There were other people riding small scooters such as you see being used in supermarkets. Some are handicapped and need to get around this way while others are overweight and should be walking in order to loose some of the weight. Regardless of which category one falls into, these can pose a danger to life and limb while at sea. These people riding them haven't a clue about what to do in rough weather. I watched as a woman almost got pinned against the cabinets where the juice dispenser is located by one of these things. The woman riding the vehicle looked at her victim as though she committed a cardinal sin by getting in her way. This is almost like driving in Texas where Darwin's Law prevails. If you're in a large pickup, your chances of surviving are higher than in a small compact.

Living objects have senses that detect forms of energy from the world around them. The energy is then converted into a signal which may be very simple or complex. Human senses include sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch, etc. The organism then processes the signal from the sensor and its response can be positive, negative, or ignored. For example, the nose of a dog senses the odor from food and the animal begs and salivates when a treat is offered and a plant grows toward sunlight. The same is true of humans. That's why slot machines have lights and noise. One cannot help but hear these noises and see these lights as he walks through the smoke-filled casinos on board ship. The slugs who sit there hour after hour feeding them nickles, dimes, quarters, or higher, depending on the machine, respond to the lights and noise. The sound of coins that the machine gives up when a win takes place is even more stimulation. Did you ever watch people sitting at these machines? Most seem to automatically drop the coin into the slot without thinking. Their eyes tend to be glazed over much like the person who has drank too much alcohol or used hard drugs. I'm surprised that the casino doesn't furnish employees to drop the coins in for them and pull the lever or press the button. That way they wouldn't have to put their drink down in order to put in the coin and manipulate the machine. It doesn't bother their smoking because they can just hold the cigarette in their mouth. For some, it would be even better if they would furnish recliners or even beds so that they could be more comfortable while playing these machines. I'm surprised that Carnival hasn't installed slot machines in cabins. If this happened, the gamblers wouldn't have to leave their cabin for the entire trip. They could order food and drinks through room service while playing the slots in the comfort of their cabins.

Most of the people on this cruise seem to be from Texas. The theme of a lot of the shows in the Starlight Lounge is usually country and Texas. The crew puts forth the idea that they all love Texas and that you're a sorry SOB if you don't. And if you're not from Texas, you're going straight to hell when you die. Alan Jackson's "God Blessed Texas" can be heard throughout the lounge. In between songs, there's a healthy "Yee Haw" from a song by Owen Jake. This is the equivalent of Banzai or Geronimo and one is even encouraged to yell this this during Bingo. Even people raised in metropolitan Dallas or Houston picture themselves on a horse riding the south forty. These are cities which have light rail systems and bumper to bumper traffic at peak hours. A horse wouldn't stand a chance in this environment. The pollution around Pasadena and Channelview would kill the poor creature. The closest to a saddle that most of these urban cowboys get is on a mechanical one in a bar.

Believe it or not, there's a library on board which, for obvious reasons, is seldom used. It's name is The Explorer's Club and the place is too quiet and there are no lights and noise or other types of external stimuli. The books and games are locked in cases and a Carnival employee comes in at certain times in order to check them out to the passengers. The books are seldom used but the games are in demand. You have to be able to read in order to check out a book but even chimpanzees can figure out how to play the games. Others stumble in to look at the huge globe in the middle of the room and take photos of each other as they stand in front of it. Many try, in vain, to find out where the ship is located on the globe. Why exercise one's brain in this endeavor when the slot machines and loud music beckon!! There's also a telescope that some of the Walmart cruisers find fascinating. (If I could only learn how to adjust it so that I could see the ocean).

There's no shortage of people who are willing to make fools of themselves in front of other people. Carnival has shows where the passengers are the entertainment. One of them is the talent, or lack of talent, show. Billy Bob and Bobbie Jean from Hicksville have been told that they're the next Country & Western sensation and are eager to prove it. Anyway, they climb on stage and bellow out a number, the crowd cheers, and they leave the stage into oblivion. Some, who are few and far between, do have talent while others fall into the rejected category on American Idol.

The dining room to which we were assigned is named the WindSong. One can choose which dining time he desires, either 6:00pm or 8:00pm, and is assigned a table where he sits with others during dinner throughout the cruise. For breakfast and lunch, this is not the case and one usually sits at other tables with other people. One would think that the evening dining would be quiet and serene with, perhaps, soft music by Frank Sinatra or Tony Bennett being played. This is not the case. There are constant interruptions. The Maitre d comes on to let you know that he's on board and didn't miss the ship and his announcements come every night. Maybe he does this to let you know that none of the passengers have tossed him overboard. This is followed by dancing of the wait staff throughout the dining area and they attempt to get the passengers to dance with them. The dancing is accompanied by loud music. Now, all of this appeals to the Walmart crowd who whistle and cheer and give out a resounding "Yee Haw." They twirl napkins above their heads and yell just like they do at the school football games when Bubba makes a touchdown (in spite of the fact that he's probably flunking and will wind up working at menial jobs his whole life and producing children that he can't support). One is also subjected to "Happy Birthday" on a nightly basis as someone is usually having a birthday (most people don't stop to think that a birthday brings a person one year closer to the graveyard). Add all of this to the photographers who come by nightly to take photographs and dining becomes more like a feast in hell. A smoker can save on cigarettes on this ship due to the second-hand smoke being so strong. The problem is that non-smokers are also subjected to it. One woman at our table had sinus problems and missed a couple of evening meals due to the smoke that drifted down into the dining room from the lounges where the smokers are allowed to smoke. No doubt, many of these people supported ObamaCare so that they can get future cancer treatment at the taxpayer's expense. That's the American way. It's my right to do something foolish and taxpayers pay the bill.

When going on board, most people give a credit card number so that expenses on board can be deducted from them. Tips also can be deducted from this credit card and they are $10 per person per day. However, the Maitre d is not included nor should he be. I blame him for the constant interruptions and for having my meal interrupted by the obnoxious music which blared out of a speaker over our table. You rarely see him until the last night on board which is when the tips are given out. Yes, there are actually passengers who give him tips for the interruptions and noise and other misery that he has caused them during the trip.

The end of the voyage finally comes and, with it, departure day. The passengers are encouraged to go to Channel 17 on the TV in their cabin so that their cruise director can explain the "disembarkation procedure" to the passengers. This is probably the most complicated phrase many of them have ever heard. This procedure has nothing to do with the efficiency of getting people off. It has to do with money. Think of an airliner. The first class passengers are in the front of the aircraft and the only reason they get out first is due to the fact that a flight attendant stands in each aisle and blocks the economy class from rushing into the front. The passengers on the Ecstasy disembark on Deck 3 which is, of course, lower in the vessel than, for example, Deck 7. However, Deck 11, which is where the suites are, has priority over Deck 7. Now, the platinum cruisers, the ones holding a platinum card, are those who have endured ten cruises with Carnival. This is also a privileged group and I have yet to learn where they disembarked because I am not a platinum member. At any rate, they deserve it if they have managed to last ten cruises with Carnival. The masses began gathering in different places especially where they could plop down their fat rears on a chair. Some had gotten up early, had breakfast, and staked out their claim on a chair. Others had brought food from the serving line and were eating it while waiting to disembark. Then we heard the various categories being called over the loudspeaker. I don't believe we went in our assigned order and it didn't make a difference. It's like a stampede when you're leaving the vessel. The crew doesn't dare turn you back because they have the herd channeled into a narrow chute and it would be nothing but chaos if they did. There's no way one could drag suitcases back through this line without knocking people to the side. A riot would probably be the result. Once out in the terminal, those who have brought the entire household furnishings with them have to sort through the mess in order to find their suitcases while the others line up to go through customs & immigration. However, there are porters who, for a fee, will load them onto carts and take them through customs and immigration for these fools. Carnival has two lines out in the terminal, which resembles a giant warehouse. One is for U.S. citizens and the other one is for non-U.S. citizens. We were in the one for U.S. citizens but noticed that the other one was much shorter. However, all of the porters with the loaded carts were taking these people to the shorter line which was for non-U.S. citizens. We went into this line and got through faster knowing that Carnival has no control over the passengers once they embark from their fun-filled voyage of misery. A Carnival lackey came through to check our passports but we wouldn't show her ours and she looked somewhat hurt. Carnival has its nerve checking up on us like we're school children. Once off the floating palace, we don't have to abide by their rules. To the contrary, people are like herd animals and tend to follow directions from these idiots just as if they were back on board ship. Finally, we were cleared and on our way home.

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