I'm Leaving my Husband...

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I'm Leaving my Husband

...On an Eight Week Hiatus!

So I've gone and done it. I've set off a chain of events that end with me finally walking the Camino de Santiago.


I've been granted nine weeks leave from my current job after requesting off to go volunteer in Guatemala. It was to be a graduation present to myself and in all honesty I thought that they would just ask me to put in my two weeks and resign. However, they were more than happy to give me the time off and so I decided that I would stay at my current job through the summer and sometime in September start to look for jobs within my particular field of study.

Some how or another, I have come full circle and am now off to a whole different continent doing something completely different. I am not even sure I can appropriately put into words how everything got changed around. It's just like me though, to change my mind five million times before fully committing to something. It also might have something to do with the safety factor...
In case of losing my journal along the way I have decided to transcribe the first entry that I wrote just yesterday. It is a journal that I hope will make the entire journey with me and will be both entertaining and enlightening to read later down the road. So here it goes, my first entry:



----------beggining of entry----------



Monday February 27, 2012

"It seems as if I may be afriad of my own handwriting, or so it might be assumed as I have let minutes slip by staring at a blank page unable to scribble a single word...

Only two days ago I purchased a round-trip flight from Philadelphia to Barcelona dating from March 19th to May 15th. Spur of the moment? Not quite, however done in the typical manner that I tend to carry out most of my actions. That is, with much thought but little preparation-- or really the other way around.

This is the point at which I would normally say, "It all started when...," but anymore I really can't even tell which thought begets the other, let alone which one is responsible for being the conspirator of me heading full throttle into any given situation.

I have this unsatisfiable itch, and I'm not talking about the feminine kind. It's more of an urge really, to just go, see, explore, learn ...travel. With this being said, my list of things to do and places to see is endless.

One thing on said list is to go back to Spain and walk the Camino de Santiago. Hence the flight to Barcelona. Now, the Camino takes an average of five weeks so why am I gone for eight? I will be away for eight weeks because I was able to get a leave from my job for nine weeks!! ...as if I would take any less then what I was offered!

And so here I sit, three weeks before take off wondering what in the world I am doing. I am leaving my husband of only six months on an eight week hiatus which includes 800km of walking solo across the entirety of Northern Spain. Well, it seems that I do know I'm actually doing. I suppose it's really the "why" that I am struggling with. I have an answer but it's one that people don't particularly accept. ....BECAUSE I WANT TO OKAY?! No really...

WHY?!

Why is a question that elicits an answer, demands that there be a reason in order to give significance to an act, to find the relationship between two things. On one hand it is glorified for encouraging people to learn, to engage in knowledge that they otherwise would not seek if it were not for the question. But how is it viewed from the perspective of those who know not the answer?

I may very well be in the most confusing state of mind that I have ever found myself to be, for I am at a loss. It is not for lack of knowing where I stand, for I am on familiar ground, but I don't really know what I am doing.

Why am I walking the Camino de Santiago??

Is it possible that I do not have an answer? I have tried numerous times before to seek some hidden answer, only to find that I already have all of the answers. It was the question that I lacked... WHY NOT?!

Why not walk the Camino?!"

...this is the question that I could not find the answer for, and so I am doing it. Period.

----------end of entry----------

I have been in this predicament many times before. People demand a reason for a situation that I have participated in and I find myself grasping for any acceptable explanation. Why did you get that half sleeve tattoo? What does it mean? Honestly, I could sit here and tell you that there is some hidden deep meaning behind it, because that it what people love to hear, but really, there isn’t. I got the darn thing because I couldn’t come up with a quick enough reason as to why not get it?

Perhaps it is easier to answer why something entices me in the first place... I think that is a better way to get any sort of answer out of me. I am enthralled with the idea of walking the camino for its simplicity. For the capability of setting a goal and seeing only your goal each and every day, to not be clouded with thoughts of thousands of things to get done. To not worry. Each day I will walk and come a little closer to obtaining my goal which is to finish the camino.
Simple.

What will my husband do??

Well, he is a big boy and perfectly capable of doing things on his own. However, I will really really really miss him as we have never spent more than ten days away from one another. I know that I will most likely have a good cry and once it's out I'll be just fine. I do wish he was coming with me...

Now I feel like I am getting somewhere... I guess this blog has turned out to be one in which I actually am seeking the answer of why I am doing this myself. And I think I have it... here is my honest, non-sarcastic answer...

Why walk the Camino?

I can't help but to think what opportunities I may miss out on if I
don't; if one refuses to take part in what is offered, who is there but
oneself to blame for regrets of the unknown down the road?

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