Springtime, Randy and Jessica

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Norman, Oklahoma

With Spring's uncertain weather, we built several 'weather days' into the trip plan. These are days where we have options to travel or not depending on what is happening with the weather across the I40 states. We built one in fairly early in the trip because we didn't know whether New Mexico's mountains were going to provide us with a snow storm right at the beginning of the trip, delaying our start.

Turns out, we didn't need that day - in fact, if you believe the New York Times, it might be the case that winter storms are done and Spring is already here, three weeks early. (By my calendar, based on sun cycles, Spring started yesterday, but that's another story.). So we didn't need that first 'weather day'.

But we took it anyway, spending an extra day here at Thunderbird State Park. Setting was gorgeous, even if the wind was vicious and cold. And I used the day to finally wash the car (it looks much better and will travel lighter), and replaced the water drainage caps with the correct versions (we no longer have water leaks). Aside from getting Sirius XM going on the car radio, I've finally managed to complete all the tasks on the exit list. And we both took much needed showers and got a little rest.

Then we drove into Norman for dinner with Randy and Jessica. Randy was one of my roommates, for three years actually, at Carleton College more than 40 years ago. He has always been sort of an odd duck but then I suppose we all were. (Joan says we still are). We were very close in college, but grew apart as our lives diverged. People do that I suppose, although there is so much value in connecting deeply with the lives we used to live, and the people we lived them with, that I'm not sure exactly why we go that way. But the cool thing is that we are both making efforts to reconnect.

First at our 40th college reunion in Minnesota in 2014 (one of the events that got us started traveling), and then a year later at my house in Questa and Taos. Like me, I suppose, he has mellowed quite a bit, although he can still be judgmental and stubborn. (Although he is no fan of Trump, he hates Clinton so much that he is willing to ignore much of Trump's frightening behavior. Things got heated enough that I suggested we not talk politics anymore. When in Oklahoma do as the Oklahomans do??)

The most outstanding thing about Randy is that he is a single Dad. You hear a lot about single Mom's and either how much they struggle or what a burden on society they are (depending on the political company you keep). The single Dad is a rarity. But Randy is one of them, and the entire history and the results are simply amazing to me.

I don't pretend to know the circumstances of the original situation at all, but the Mom wasn't in the picture much after giving birth, although they did share joint custody for a while. The Mom died in 2009, which I didn't know until yesterday. So, at least in this case, you have a Dad raising a child, and a daughter no less, all by himself.

That Randy made sacrifices is undeniable. He never married and lived the whole time here in Oklahoma so Jessica could see her Mom. Now he stays there because that is where their lives are, even though his remaining family is elsewhere. He lives in a very small apartment quite close to the University of Oklahoma and makes a living teaching German in online classes for secondary school students. His lifestyle hasn't changed a whole lot from our college days, actually. But he doesn't seem to mind and requires little. He really seems quite happy.

His daughter, Jessica, is getting married soon. And she is a terrific young woman. Smart, attractive, and vivacious, she talks fast like a New Yorker - a trait that I don't understand, given her origins. She is optimistic about her future and even, unlike many of us older folks, about the country's. She's no Trumper, but doesn't seem to be as threatened by him as much as some of us. She calls herself a behavioral therapist and provides counseling help to troubled children and their families. Clearly she loves her Father, but is also unafraid to tease and even correct him when he needs it, which is often.

In short, Randy has raised a wonderful young lady and has done it pretty much by himself. Who would have thought that the selfish man I knew in college was capable of doing such a remarkable job. I respect his accomplishment.

And I envy him. Jessica is exactly mid-way in age between my two daughters, Whitney and Brooke. My parenting days ended rather abruptly when my ex-wife took the two girls back to Connecticut, 2000 miles away almost 20 years ago, did everything she could to limit my contact with them, and worked feverishly to turn them away from their 'evil Father'. Brooke, the youngest, has been scarred for life and is struggling very hard to make her own way. She does occasionally contact me, but I have to say she is raising herself, and always has.

Like Jessica, Whitney, my oldest, is getting married this year, although I've never been notified and am not invited to the wedding. I know so little of her life that I can do little more than hope that she finds happiness moving forward.

So my hat is off to Randy and Jessica. Congratulations to both of you for managing something that I'm sure was such an important and rewarding experience. Good luck to you both.

The drive eastward resumes today. (17.1.3.)

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