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Greenwich, CT
WTF? The most expensive gas on the entire trip was at the beginning in Greenwich, CT. So my summer road trip is off to a rather interesting start. So far Melanie and I have encountered gas for $4.35 a gallon, stuck-up people that would make Martha Stewart squirm, traffic that I am sure sent a good 1/2 million people to therapy - or jail, rest stops that I know are the REAL cause for mad cow disease, a condom kingdom, a psycho killer's lair, Philly cheese steak sandwich made with cheese wiz (gee wiz), murals that will give me nightmares for at lease 18 1/2 weeks, a Wendy's emergency pee stop, fried rice pushcarts and our Nation's Capital, Washington, DC. But wait, I am not done! Melanie and I had a "tift" near, where else? The Pentagon. We saw lots of memorials (sorry, I don't quite remember but I remember the names George Washington, Lincoln, Holocaust, Veterans, Supreme Court, Newseum, Smithsonian, National bla, bla, bla and lying politics hall of shame - hmm, I think)? But the highlight of the ENTIRE trip was the "girl I am going to fuck you up" bitch fight I almost got into with a crazed black women and her posse in Georgetown, DC. Now I know you are dying to hear
The Ginger Man
Greenwich, CT - restaurant Mel & I went to. The most snobby people ever (think Martha Stewart like) and food was only okay but pretty inside. more of this....
Well....
Let me set up the scenario. Melanie and I truly, truly, truly love each other. We have a crazy passion and well - WE are crazy. We had been cat fighting for a while due to a mix of traffic, being lost, PMS, and my IBS throbbing tweety. We had a lover's mid-morning "thunderstorm" but the clouds cleared and it became sunny again, however, we, or at least I, was still on edge. Traffic in the DC area, also known as the "beltway" is enough to make you foam at the mouth --- especially when you have to pee (me) or have PMS (Mel). By the time arrived in Georgetown I was sure it was to meet my great grandchildren (mind you, I am 31). Georgetown sure was cute! Very classey/funky/fun looking. Kinda a mix of Beverly Hills, CA meets Newport, RI in a "Disney'esque" sort of fashion. Mel and I were both hungry (oh yeah, add that to the mix) and tired but we really wanted to park and enjoy this cute area. We found some obscure parking lot down some side street, so Mel pulled in. This parking lot was the size
Philadelphia
A rainy, chilly day in Philadelphia. of a shoebox - infants. We weren't even in there for 5 seconds when all of a sudden a "cold wind started blowing" and a silver Cadillac with a big-haired, pearl-wearing, "I have money so fuck the world" black women ZOOMED in around us. She looked hot. She looked mad and she must've had a tweety inflammation too because she caught my eye and said (about Mel) - "What, she can't fucking drive? What the fuck is she doing?" - Of course my fir went up since I was ALREADY REVVED and in a crazed mood so I started shaking my head in a mode that only a girl named "Desiree" could get away with back at her and said - "She can drive - she is trying to back the fuck up and you're in her way!" and her head extended and she was beyond pissed - at this point a parade of lesser important cars carrying her posse came speeding in the lot, so now Mel and I were boxed in. Mel was talking nice to one of the other ladies trying to explain that we were trying to get out. Meanwhile me and this woman who I
am sure they called Shanika were having it out. She said "What? What did you say you fucking bitch?" - at this point my head was moving in motions NO white girl's head should move it. I looked her dead in the eyes and said, "Excuse me? I will fuck you up!" and then I turned around, somewhat scared, and she did the same only still mumbling. I made some other idle threats and then by the grace of God Mel found her way out! Laughing hysterical and cleaning the piss up off the floor, we decided to leave Georgetown for another day and find some - fooooooooooooood. I couldn't believe I almost went "crow bar" on some crazed person. Yeah. Bring it on.
Anyway, back to DC. We did see a lot for a short little visit. Mel was like a kid in a candy store. I had never seen her so excited. Seriously. I am not embellishing here. She was TRULY foaming at the mouth! We definitely have to come back so we can visit all these beautiful monuments/buildings/museums in debt. Washington was just so pretty, clean and interesting!
In regard to Philadelphia, I have to
Philadelphia
Weird roadside attractopm on (or near) South Street. say that I wasn't too impressed. Maybe it had to do with the fact that it was pouring rain outside? Nah. I think it is because I only saw the scary sections pretty much. South Street was filled with sex shops, bag stores, nail shops and some store windows were so dirty I don't know what the heck they were selling! LOL! We did stop at a tourist attraction on South Street. Oh crap, I can't remember the name. It is this weird place with all these mosaics and glass pieces hanging on the walls. There are hub caps outside and weird sculptures and paintings. At first I thought it was cool but then on the way out the young woman manning the building said we could "check out the basement if we wanted." Mel and I being nieve white girls did just that. As we walked down the basement I felt like I was in a horror movie. I kid you not. it felt like we were walking into someone's lair. It was dark with flickering lights and freaky sculptures. Why didn't we turn around? Well, just like in every horror movie, we suddenly became STUPID and our curiosity
took over. See the pictures below to see what I mean. Yes, I guess it was "somewhat cool" but WAY more STRANGE than anything.
After that "I forgot the name" roadside attraction Mel took me to Gino's Steaks for a world famous Philly cheese steak. There was line just like I thought there would be and boy did Gino's stick out! It was an orange pained, theme park-like, meat lover's haven! There was a line, even in the rain, and I could smell the onions and cheese before I even got out of the car. I had always wanted an authentic Philly cheese steak. My size 12 ass rushed offer there quicker than you can blink. $7.50 later I was eating the most delicious cheese steak I have ever had. Wow - yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuumy. I swear I ate that sandwich in 3 gulps. That was the highlight of Philly for me. Mel explained that there was a much nicer section so I will definitely give Philly another chance! 😊
So that is that! So far the trip is off to an interesting start. I am writing from Exit # 22 in North Carolina (don't remember the name of the
Philadelphia
Mel was quite intrigued. city). We are staying at a Comfort Suites that looks like the inside of a cigar box meets Aladdin. I slightly feel like I am in India. There is a weird incense smell. Hmm? Mel just got up (it is 7:15am) in her "where am I" frenzy looking for a granola bar I am sure. Wait, she is doing sit-ups now. For some reason that makes me more hungry??
We should be in Orlando by tonight, making a stop in Savannah for lunch.
Until next time...
Happy Travels!
-Des
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