Fist Pumping My Way Down the Jersey Shore

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Ah….New Jersey…the “Garden” state…AKA the BIGGEST misnomer in
this country…comparing New Jersey to anything as beautiful and
non-polluted as a garden would be quite similar to calling Seattle
“The Sunshine City” or labeling Florida “The Snowshoe State”. I have
had a viscous grudge with New Jersey for pretty much my entire life,
and literally have nearly vomited and cried at the same time every
time i pass through that part of state right on the other side of the
river from Manhattan. I always thought to myself that this must be the
worst place in the entire country…that nothing could possibly look
worse than this, and that I never want to come back here again. And
for the most part…i still believe that to be true, but what I failed
to realize all those years is that New Jersey does have other parts of
the state that look like a completely different country compared to
the Newark area. I decided that if I wanted to settle this
dis-pleasant distaste for the state once and for all, that I would
have to explore the parts of it that I have never been to…the “nice”
areas that I have heard tales of in stories and seen on TV…the
places that people from better states actually come to to vacation
at….the New Jersey that I have never seen with my own two eyes.



Usually when I travel I favor either the big cities or college towns, yet this trip was mainly focused on about half a dozen beach towns, which was a nice change of pace, especially since the weather was perfect for catching some sun and sand. The first place I visited was Seaside Heights, which is famously known as the town where the MTV show “Jersey Shore” is filmed, and upon arrival, I quickly realized that literally everyone on the boardwalk looked like clones of the characters on the show. It amused me to see such
carnival games as “shoot the Guido” lining the boardwalk, and every
single souvenir shop proudly displayed various “fist pumping” t shirts
and various Italian flag decorated items. At the time I didn’t know
it, but this ended up being the smallest boardwalk I went to, yet the
amount of action and fun it manages to pack in its tiny frame really
impressed me. Seaside Heights reminded me on first look of a much
better version of Coney Island in New York City, and we strolled up and down the boardwalk checking out the various amusement piers, water park, wall-to-wall arcades, restaurants, and shops. The highlight of our time there was having my palm read by a very elderly and adorable woman fortune teller, who told me I would live until I was 99 and have a very fulfilling, beautiful life, and going to Berkeley Sweet Shop to watch (and sample) some saltwater taffy pulling. After enjoying people watching for a few hours, I decided to head on further south to my next destination.




Shortly after, I arrived at Barnegat Light, which is a quaint tiny
borough and was selected as one of 21 nominees for “America’s Coolest
Small Towns” from coast to coast, and is located at the northern end of Long Beach Island. The town’s most famous resident is “Old Barney,” which is the red and white-banded Barnegat Lighthouse located at Long
Beach Island’s northern tip. Standing at 172 feet tall, this is the second tallest lighthouse in the United States, and I climbed up the spiral staircase to the top and marveled at some breathtaking views of both the beach and the Atlantic Ocean. I then drove on further south to Smithville, which has a historic shopping area that reminded me greatly of Mystic Village back in my home state of Connecticut. I walked around and peeked into a few of the cute little shops there and made my way to Atlantic City for the night. Before I even got out of the car, I took one quick look at the approaching Atlantic City skyline and thought to myself that this is merely just a Las Vegas with a beach, and Sin City is one of my least favorite places in the US, so I didn’t have great expectations coming here. However, as I parked and began walking around the boardwalk, it wasn’t so bad after all. It was by far the dirtiest and sketchiest of the boardwalk towns I went to, but it wasn’t anything unbearable. On the boardwalk here is the only place on the entire trip I saw homeless people and beggars coming up to tourists, and here is the only boardwalk that was lined with that stereotypical trash and pollution that has tarnished the state’s reputation. As much as Atlantic City didn’t phase me, I still don’t have too much to complain about it, other than it was probably the most boring of the boardwalks I went to. Sure, the skyscrapers and casinos were pretty and fancy and nice, but i’m from Connecticut and have Mohegan Sun and Foxwoods in my back yard so i’m pretty spoiled. I enjoyed a moonlit stroll on the boardwalk and checked out the historic Steel Pier before retiring to my hotel, and quickly checked out the area again early the next morning. Before leaving, I
watched a Michael Jackson impersonator dancing on stage and I tried some fried Twinkies and Oreos, and fed my leftovers to a bunch of seagulls surrounding me. I grabbed lunch at the famous White House Sub Shop in downtown Atlantic City, where the submarine sandwich was invented, and after devouring my monstrous meal, I headed down to Margate City, and took some pictures with the world’s largest elephant and America’s oldest roadside attraction, Lucy, who was built in 1881 and still stands along the shore today as a national historic landmark.



The entire afternoon was spent in Ocean City, which ended up being a
pleasant surprise since it wasn’t even on my itinerary of places to
see, and it ended up being my favorite overall stop on the entire
trip. Here, I finally did what we’ve been meaning to do at a beach
for the entire trip and just set up a couple towels, relaxed, caught
some rays, and occasionally went into the water to cool off. After
realizing that my pale Eastern European body was getting too much of a
sunburn, I decided to abandon the beach and to check out the boardwalk. The Travel Channel named Ocean City as the #1 family beach
in the entire country, and one quick look around town proves that to be an obvious choice. There are over two miles of boardwalk stretching
along the coast here, and among the many noticeable attractions here
is Wonderland Pier, which is a neat amusement park for kids. I checked out the dozens of souvenir shops lining the boardwalk, and bought some t-shirts and a framed painting from a local artist.




By early evening I drove down further down the coast until I arrived
at The Wildwoods, which was by far the largest and most hype of the
boardwalk towns I went to. The boardwalk itself is more than 2 miles
long and the white sand beaches were some of the most beautiful I’ve ever seen north of Florida. This area is famous for being one of the
liveliest stretches of boardwalk on the East coast, and arriving here
is a pure sensory overload in itself. Here, visitors can pop in and
out of more retail shops and eateries than the Mall of America has! After wandering into a few of the gift shops, I played some
carnival-style games and went to a couple arcades, played indoor 3-D
mini golf, tasted some of the traditional snacks to that area, such as Chipstix, which are a string of potato chips on a stick, and
over-sized slices of cheese pizza. My night was ended with a ride on
the largest Ferris wheel on the east coast, which offered breathtaking
views of both the illuminated boardwalk and the moonlit ocean. The
next morning I came right back to the boardwalk to see what I didn’t
have time for the night before. I rode the only wooden roller coaster
on a boardwalk anywhere in the US to my knowledge and checked out the
beach for awhile. By the time I eventually left The Wildwoods, the
phrase “Watch the tram car please” was installed in my brain since
it’s inevitable to avoid it on the boardwalk, because the tram cars,
riding right in the middle of thousands of pedestrians, blare that on their loudspeakers every 5 seconds as they come inches from running helpless victims over. After enjoying my cherished time at this wonderful location, I had one place left to go…further south down the road until I couldn’t go south any longer.



As you could guess, my final stop on our journey was the wonderful
historic town of Cape May, which is a perfect example of how some
things simply just get better with age. The entire town is a National
Historic District, and showcases almost 600 preserved Victorian
buildings, which line nearly every street, with rocking chairs ready
for tired tourists to relax on their front porches. I marveled at the
beauty of the southernmost beach in the state and visited the historic
Cape May lighthouse, which was built in 1858. I then walked around
the Washington Street Mall, which is an outdoor shopping street which
is closed to automobiles. I got one of the best lunches of my entire
life at Maggy D’s in this district, which composed of a toasted peanut
butter, banana, and marshmellow sandwich with chips and a vanilla
flavored Dr. Pepper. After devouring our delicious delicacies, I walked around to check out the many Victorian style B&B’s and decided I would definitely stay at one next time I came down here. Before
saying farewell for good, I walked back to the shore to get one last
glimpse of the ocean, and then got back in the car to drive back through the infamous ugly parts of New Jersey to arrive back home.



I’ve been all over the country and have seen all 48 continental states so far in
just 26 short years, but this trip was by far one of the best I had
ever been on even though it had been one of the closest I have ever
taken from home. Going to the south Jersey shore proved to me that you
don’t need to travel thousands of miles to escape the norm, and that
true gems can be found right in your own backyard, just waiting there
for you to eventually discover them. Overall, New Jersey is still one
of my least favorite states, but the area of New Jersey I saw on this
journey is one of my favorite parts of the country…I’m not sure if
that makes any sense to anyone else except myself. Not only did this
trip open my eyes and challenge me to reconsider my previous distaste
and unappealing notions of New Jersey, but it made me appreciate the
east coast a great deal more in general. After seeing the West coast
for the first time last year and falling in love with it, it took a
trip like this to make me truly appreciate my ocean again. I will
gladly fist pump my way up and down these boardwalks again soon, and
every single night I’m sitting at home with nothing to do, I secretly
wish I was still on the Jersey shore in the midst of all the hype.
Although I have seen some beautiful beaches, great people watching
hot-spots, and historic towns, I have still yet to see one thing
anywhere in the “garden” state….a garden.

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