Day 80

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Posted by: Onaxthiel: A driving day, by any other name, is still basically a boring day. The only stop we really made all day was in Baltimore to see Fort McHenry, famous for being the first home of the star spangled banner. The fort is in pretty good shape for a two hundred year old structure. Mostly I attribute this to the fort being manned by the US army until 1919, so it was well maintained before the park service took over. Having lots of cheap labor is handy in maintaining an historic structure. The interesting part of seeing the fort to me was finding out that the fort itself really did nothing in the battle for the city of Baltimore except standing there. The only shore battery's that fired on the British fleet during the engagement were located behind earth works outside the forts walls, so in effect the only thing the fort did was show defiance by flying an unreasonably large flag o'er its' ramparts. Sometimes showing survival is all that needs to be done to win.
After the war of 1812, the fort was used for virtually every military purpose imaginable. It moved between training center, to hospital, to prison camp, back to coastal defense, and then one turn back to hospital prior to being a memorial full time.
The only really out of place bit in fort McHenry is the statue of Orpheus. He's tall, naked, and carries a lyre. In spite of this, the NPS felt the need to put a sign out in front of him that states that he is not Francis Scott Key. You know, just in case people thought that a 19th century American patriot and poet would be represented by a naked youth with a lyre.
After this, we headed towards New Jersey, hence the driving day designation. Really, there wasn't much else to say about Monday, so I will write up something Obfuscator and I discussed today, how much the revolutionary war feels like a story a group of table top role players would have come up with. We have opted to put how we see it going in play format, as this is one of our favorite ways of envisioning things. All names have been changed to protect the Nerds.

Matt the GM: Alright, so, to recap, Tom, your character, Gen. Washington is leading his troops out of Valley Forge, and towards a fight near Monmouth. He is accompanied by Mitch's' character Gen. Lee, and Kirby's' character Gen. Knox. Since Benny isn't here right now, we'll say Gen. Arnold is off doing something else, like guarding New York. Zeb's' old character, Gen. Mercer, got killed last session, so he'll come in when he finishes his new character. Jack arrives at your tent, with a letter from Franklin. You guys can talk now.

Jack: Greetings, I am Gen. Von Steuben, of Prussia, here to fight for your cause!

Tom: Matt, what does the letter say?

GM: Um... I, Benjamin Franklin, commend thif gentleman of Pruffia to you af a fkilled foldier, and...beafeach thee to ufe him well.

Mitch: Dude, you don't say the little f/s things. They're pronounced just like s's, and Franklin wouldn't have used them. They are from an earlier era.

GM:*Blink* Whatever. Jack, you see a stately, middle aged and athletically built man, with white hair and blue eyes.

Tom: I have grey eyes.

GM: your character sketch has blue eyes.

Tom: yeah, but that is just because grey fades to fast. I have grey eyes.

GM: *Shakes head* Whatever. Jack, what do you say?

Jack: Hello, Ich been here to drill hyour troops!

Tom: I don't have any more troops for you to command, unless I take someone else's' away... How 'bout I just make you the Inspector General, in charge of discipline and stuff, until someone with a command gets killed and you take theirs over?

Jack: * shrugs* Works for me man.

Mitch: This makes no sense. This is a British vs. American war, and we had Hessian NPCs, why does he get to be a kraut? Are you a Hessian defector or something? And what happened to that frog, whazhis name?

GM: Lafayette! He's instrumental to the plot, how can you keep forgetting his name? He's not here right now though. He's off fighting in the north.

Kirby: How come everyone else gets to play cool foreign generals? All I get to do is say “I fire my cannons! I want to be a cool European Officer.

GM: Alright, I guess you can cash in Knox, I have this NPC French General, Rochambeau. Will that work?

Kirby: How come he gets to be from a nation that can win fights and I get stuck with the Frenchy?

Zeb: Dude, if you don't like your character choices, I'll Rochambeau you for it.

GM: Somehow I knew that was going to come up....

Kirby: fine, I'll take your stupid French NPC. But I'm not doing an accent!

GM: Fine. Whatever. You can start next session, for now stick with Knox. I haven't stated Rochambeau yet.

Kirby: I hate that name. Can I change it?

GM: No. That's the dudes name.

Mitch: Listen to my outrrrrageoius French Accent!

GM: OK, fine, you want back in! Mitch, Gen. Lee's cavalry gets hit by a couple thousand Grenadiers and Colonial militia. You are taking casualties fast. What do you do?

Mitch: How did I get ambushed? I had pickets out, and Waynes' troops out front!

GM: Yup. He's the unit in contact.

Mitch: Great, I order Wayne to maintain contact and delay the Brits while I Head back to Tom to make a report.

GM: Alright, roll initiative. (clatter, clatter, clatter.) OOH! To bad. It looks like Waynes' soldiers are getting beaten to the charge. As you ride off, you can see his lines breaking.

Mitch: Better Hurry. I gallop off to Tom. Tom! I need some....

Tom: My characters name is Gen. Washington. Call me “General” if you can't remember the name.

Mitch: *rolling eyes* whatever, Tom, I need a bunch of troops right now!

Jack: Don't worry General Washburn, I'll take care of this... Ahem...Hugh musten shpeak rrrespectfully to zee Genaral vhen hugh address heem, you peasant!

Mitch: Whatever, I got no time for this. My guys are getting chopped up back there.

Jack: Dude, that's insubordination. I'm gonna advise General Washburn....

Tom: Washington!

Jack: Yeah, him, I'm gonna advise him to have Lee stripped of command and plan a court martial for insubordination.

Mitch: Whatever, Tom's not gonna do that...

Tom: Cool. I think I'll do that.

Mitch: What? No way!

Tom: Yeah, Mitch, you are pissing me off tonight, so your guy is gonna get court martialed. Meanwhile, the rest of us are gonna go to this fight.

Kirby: Great, I'll go play play station until you guys need me to fire the cannons. See you all in 45 minutes.

GM: OK, everybody roll initiative...(looks at dice) Hm... looks like you guys all got beat. Your troops are getting pushed back on all sides.

Tom: Not for long we won't. KIRBY!

Kirby: (from the next room) I FIRE THE CANNONS!

GM: * Sigh * So Knox fires his cannons, and the British are kept from chasing your troops. They do turn on the cannons though. KIRBY!

Kirby: (From next room) I KEEP FIRING!

GM: THATS NOT IT, YOUR'E GETTING CHARGED!

Zeb: My character is ready to come in, if he doesn't want to run things at the cannons.
GM: Thank God. Zeb, your character Molly is bringing pitchers of water to the gun crews-

Jack: Wait! Dude, your playing ANOTHER chick? What is it with you?

Zeb: I just got tired of playing the same kind of character as everyone else is all the time. This one is a woman cannon expert, and she is here to avenge her husband who-

Mitch: Whatever. Your chick is on the gun crew. Got it. Can we move on? I have a court martial to get to!

GM: I was trying to... Your chick is bringing water to the gun crew-

Zeb: My character is a strong and independent woman, I would appreciate it if you would all stop calling her a chick!

GM: Can we move one now? Please? Just this once? OK? .... Great. You are bringing water to the gun crew and your husband gets shot and you step in to take his position on the gun....

Zeb: What? Why aren't I on a gun crew already? I'm really good! I have seven ranks as an artillerist.

GM: Fine! You're on a gun crew already! Whatever! Roll!

Zeb: (clatter clatter clatter) HA! Natural 20! I ownzored the red coats!

GM: You certainly did. With the extra devastating hits of Molly and her gun crew, the British are pinned down.

Tom: I'm going to take the chance to make an attack of opportunity since they can't maneuver on us right now. Will it work?

GM: Lets check the map...Yeah, I'm going to rule that it will, since you have one unit not in contact to maneuver with, and a terrain bonus for being uphill, of course, you will take hits from friendly artillery if you get to close.

Jack: KIRBY!

Kirby: I FIRE THE CANNONS!

Jack: NO! WE NEED YOU TO STOP FIRING THE CANNONS!

Kirby: YEAH, YEAH WHATEVER JACK SAID THATS WHAT I'M DOING!

GM: OK...so...with the cannons off and the regiments charging, the British are overwhelmed and flee to keep from being wiped out. After the battle, what do you guys do?

Tom: Give out awards, Shake hands. Meet the new chick.

Zeb: It's Molly! And your welcome for my saving the day back there.

Tom: Yeah, thanks and all, but I can't have a female general. All the other nations will laugh at us.

Zeb: It's all right, all I want is an NCO job anyway.

Tom: Sure, we can do that. We'll make you a sergeant. In charge of laundry and cannons!

Zeb: I don't even know why I bother making interesting characters with you guys! All you do is hurl insults!

Mitch: Yup. That's about the size of it.

Tom: Just for that, I'm gonna put you at only half pay! Keep your place, you!

Zeb: Whatever. I hate you all.

Tom: Well, then it's all settled then. Hey, what did you say Benny's' chaotic evil general was doing again?

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