Angels of Imagination

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It's late here but I felt I should scribble a few words before I go to bed. Tomorrow is my last proper day in the US and it doesn't seem real that my trip is ending. Today was a very fun day. We went up to the Interstate State Park (really!?) and took a walk by the river up and down the snowy trail. Animal tracks traced the ice and the pines cast amazing, flame-like shadows over the frozen surface. Utterly beautiful. Minnesota is a delightful patchwork of lakes, waterfalls, rivers and forests. Although hunting and fishing are far to popular to make it my place. I can't really escape meat here either! I do love being with Jon and Steph though - they're such wonderful people. Intelligent, funny, gentle and very easy to be around. I hope we see them sooner than another two and a half years! (Well, hopefully, I'll be on this continent!)

After we had lunch in Taylors Falls- including a yummy banana malt shake! Unfortunately, our friend, Steph, has contracted a stomach bug and has been very sick all afternoon. We had to leave her here while we went to Stillwater, the nearest town. It's a lovely, quaint place, full of antique shops. We had fun trawling through their bizarre collections. I picked up some very kitsch, old postcards for my collection - including one of Judy Garland and her Hollywood home! True style! I also got some original ads for domestic appliances which I'd love to set in my pink 50's diner style kitchen! The best buy was a jaunty forties woollen green hat which I snapped up for $5. Vintage clothing was so cheap - including Victorian gowns. I'm going to start an online business trading clothes here to the UK, I think - they're worth a fortune back home! Except I wouldn't part with anything!

Anyway, I'm tired so won't witter on further. Needless to say, I'm a little anxious about my return to the UK and readjusting to everyday life. I don't like England. I feel much happier here. Still, I am already scheming to get myself on my feet financially, learning to drive, and applying for residencies and so on. I don't think I can cope with going without knowing I'm coming back.

It's been both an incredibly long time - jammed full of wonderful people and places - and a lightning-like six weeks. I've felt like my heart was smashed in two at times and yet also been extraordinarily exalted as well. Alive and energetic for the first time in ages. It's given me that and a clear view of what I want. That's me. Now I'm with Julian I can already feel myelf abdicating responisibilty and letting things be taken over, losing me a little. It's me willing that to happen. But I have to hold my ground. I have to remember everything I've learned here. It's so easy for me to let thigns slide around men, to forget I am competent and able to think for myself. To know what I want from life and aim for that - even if it seems impossible right now.

Just now, I'm thinking again of Brian Andreas whose poetry I discovered back in key West and the magical words:

"In my dream, the angel shrugged & said, If we fail this time, it will be a failure of imagination & then she placed the world gently in the palm of my hand."

I guess after all I have struggled through in my life and this journey, I know I have the imagination to create a life I desire - all that stand between me and that is fear. But I have a cure for that too - my friends from home and the friends I have made on the road, including myself, those unsettling individuals who arrive to insist upon change. As Andreas says:

"Most people don't know there are angels whose only job is to make sure you don't get too comfortable & fall asleep & miss your life."

After this trip, after embracing all these people and their random so different experiences - from astronauts to archivists - I don't think I will ever be the same. And I like that.

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