Bouncer Wannabe

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MG2K. Mardi Gras 2000. The show is over for this year, and it’s time to go home. Me and roomie Michalis decide to support the public transportation and take the bus home from the French Quarters. Closest bus stop for our bus #55 is on Decatur St. right in front of Planet Hollywood. Hence, the natural turn of events for Mike and me is to simply stand in front of Planet Hollywood and wait for the bus. As simple as that. One might be lead to think that people would make the connection two guys + bus stop = two guys waiting for the bus. This is however not the case. Probably as a result of us looking (and actually being) sober, the coincidental presence of Planet Hollywood, and drunken and thirsty out-of-towners chased away from Bourbon St., many fail to see this correlation. A bit surprisingly, they ask us to open up the doors. Just for a minute. Just for one drink. Just for them. Story could easily have ended there. The situation is however too good not to take a step further. The conversations that followed before the arrival of the bus could go something like this:

Drunken Girl: “Hey guys. Could you open up the door? I’m still thirsty, I just need a drink.”

C & M: “Sorry, can’t do that.”

Drunken Girl: “Come on guys, just one drink.”

C & M: “Sorry, we’re not authorized to do that.”

Drunken Girl: “But pleeease. I’m just asking for one drink.”

C & M: “We hear you, but we just can’t do that.”

Drunken Girl: “But pleeease, I’m a Long Horn (referring to the nickname of a Texas University).”

C & M (now acting on it): “Sorry, we can only serve Louisiana residents.”

Drunken Girl: “But I’m here all the way from Texas.”

C & M: “We understand, but that’s just too bad. Sorry.”

Drunken Girl: “But come on, pleeeeease. Can’t you open up for just one drink?”

C & M: “Sorry, no can do.”

Drunken Girl: “But why can’t you open up for me?”

C & M: “Because we DON’T WORK HERE.”

Drunken Girl (sober enough to understand that she’s just been had): “Oh, man, you bastards.”

…and that is how you entertain yourself while waiting for the bus in NOLA…

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