I'm Not Ready

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When I first found out about this trip, and that it fulfills the writing intensive requirement, I knew I had to go. I was so excited and saved up my tips for months to be able to pay for my plane ticket and course fee. Fast forward to just a few weeks before the trip and I’m stressed beyond belief and honestly don’t even want to go. I’m afraid of being so far away, I’m going to miss my dog (not to mention I won’t be there for her second birthday) and my family (also missing my Dad’s birthday) and especially my friends, I don’t want to share a room with someone I don’t know, and besides all that I have come up with every bad scenario that could possibly happen. Here I am lying in bed on January 2^nd, writing this blog post, and I haven’t even opened my suitcase to start packing for my three week adventure. So to say the least, I’m not at all prepared to leave. The only preparation I did was work entirely too much to ensure I had enough money to make the trip, which I did succeed in doing.

I know once I get there it will be the experience of a lifetime and those three weeks will fly by. I’m excited about trying new foods and getting to eat while in Italy. The fact that they eat their meals late in the day is actually better for me, considering half the time I don’t get hungry until 11 every night. I also can’t wait to have time to enjoy my meals. Lately I don’t wake up to eat breakfast, I’ll just grab something to snack on for lunch, and then I’ll eat a decent dinner. I don’t have time to sit down and focus on eating though because I’m still running around everywhere while working. On New Year’s Eve I worked from 12 pm to 11 pm. In the middle of my shift I ate a kid’s burger and snacked on some fried mushrooms throughout the work day. Then I went to Applebee’s and ate spinach and artichoke dip, while waiting for the ball to drop. That day I only spent about 35 minutes eating total. That is pretty typical for my work days because I don’t get a lunch break. I look forward to having time to actually sit down and focus on the food that I’m eating.

I don’t think all the walking we will do will bother me. As a server, working at least 5 days a week, I already take a lot of steps. In just the seven days of last week I took 74,783 steps total. Though I do walk a lot and always have to stay on my feet, I have a lot of joint pain constantly. I have to remember to bring my knee brace and icy hot just in case we do walk a lot more than I’m used to!

I also don’t think the time change will have much of an effect me much. The way my work schedule is, I often can’t fall asleep when I get off work so I stay out with my friends until 6 am and wake up around 12:30 or 1 pm to start the new day. In America I’m basically nocturnal so I don’t think the time difference in Italy will be too hard for me to adjust to. I will just have to keep telling myself that 9 am is actually 3 am back home and I’m always awake then!

Though I am still terrified of change and leaving my normal life behind for three weeks, I am still happy I get to have this experience. I have only been on a plane once, I’ve never been out of the country, and the longest I’ve been away from my home is a week and a half. This trip is way outside of my comfort zone and I don’t like the way it’s been making me feel the past few weeks. Even with all this stress, going to Italy is always something I have wanted to do because I have ancestors who immigrated from there. I know once I get there and get adjusted to their way of life I probably won’t want to leave. I have awesome friends who have helped me deal with this anxiety and ensured they would be here waiting when I make it back home. All that’s left to do now is work this one last shift at Outback tonight, then throw everything I own into my suitcase. Everything is going to be fine, but I’m still not ready.

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