Miami, Florida - American Adventures 2015 (Part 1 of 9)

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At the beginning of this year, as per tradition, I decided it was time to go travelling and get away from winter. I was to start in Miami again and this time move onto Central America with minimal planning and lots of excitement.

Miami was a short 1 month visit this time and is a place I like to travel to in order to acquire new business and enjoy the Miami Beach lifestyle. The 1st challenge would be getting through customs as I usually get put into the 'random search, harass and prod with the white glove' category. When I get off the plane and go towards customs, there is a huge queue yet an officer at the foot of the queue looks at my passport and tells me to walk down another side path away from all the other people.

"Here we go again" I think to myself, rummaging into my bag looking for the vaseline tub ready to lubricate my butt for whoever I'll be dealing with this time. I walk all the way to the end of this line and see 4 border control dudes staring at me. I give one of them my passport and ..... he waves me through. Wowww, they let me through, no questions, no queues ... I received special treatment.

The vaseline went back in the bag, I picked up my suitcases and off I went. I know Miami very well so I went straight to the bus stop and got on the 150 airport flyer to Miami Beach to the hostel I booked for the night ... Jazz Hostel, a cheap but reliable shithole (cockroaches, stained sheets, dripping pipes on ur head whilst taking a dump, and so on) ... for some reason I'm compelled to stay here when I 1st land in Miami.

I arrived at my destination and walked to 3rd and Collins to Jazz Hostel, and as I approached I recognized a familiar face. The year before when I was here there was this girl who used to travel around Miami Beach, staying at a different hostel each week and work as a club promoter, gathering travellers and going out partying every night. I must have seen her in at least 3 different hostels I stayed in that year. It was her, she was still there, living in Jazz Hostel and working on promotions ... yet she looked much more than a year older ... that's the result of daily partying ... u gonna age quicker and look like your face is gonna drop off. I said hello, discussed the previous year's Brazilian Carnival trip, and went to bed to re-energize ... coz I knew ... I'm in Miami b!tch.

The next morning I awoke early and went for a walk on Ocean Drive and a dip in the sea ... it was wonderful. So many beautiful people training, running, skating, cycling, jogging, stretching. I even witnessed for the 1st time in my life Lesbian Yoga ... where 2 woman were sensually helping each other stretch and get into that pose a bit deeper. Further up there was the calisthenics area with the beefy dudes swivelling around bars. I knew that night I would be coming back for some training.

In fact, most nights I trained at 10pm on Ocean Drive, chatting to others who trained and brushing up on my Spanish skills at the same time (75% of Miami is Spanish-speaking). After this I would jog to the other side of south beach to Wholefoods before it closed at 11pm to buy some nutritious buffet food. Wholefoods is awesome, a little expensive but awesome. Each time I go there I make my box heavier .. I used to have $10 worth of food in the box but by the end of my visit it was more like $30 ... sooo finger-lickin good.

During the day I was using my friend's office space for work and a few times a week I used the gym in this building as I had done the previous year. I may have mentioned on the previous year's adventure post that nobody else seemed to use this gym so I used to prance around in underwear or even naked sometimes, bench pressing au natural ... until I realized I was being recorded on camera and was fully on display at the reception's display screen. Well, this year I forgot the latter part and went through the same process again. Actually on one of the days I went down, used the gym, had a shower, freshened up, came back upstairs and realized I'd lost my underwear ... somewhere between leaving the gym downstairs and arriving into the office upstairs they'd gone missing and had fallen on the floor. I went back and nada ... somebody must have picked it up ... scary.

There are 3 bus routes I used to get from hostels on Miami Beach to the office in Downtown Miami, and then back around midnight. The bus stop downtown is always an interesting place at night as a lot of people have mental illnesses and gather there, talking to themselves, shouting abuse at passer-bys without realizing what they're saying ... it can be rather scary for some. I can recall a particular conversation I overheard between 2 elderly women one time as I was waiting at a bus stop under the sun's powerful rays. These women were of Italian descent and spoke in a very strong Italian accent. One of them was trying to explain to the other one how gay the Pope in Rome is ... and the convo went a little something like this:

Woman A: u know dee pope ees gayyyy
Woman B: nooo reeeeaallyyyyy
Woman A: ooh yesss, he ees top of dee gayyssss (as she uses hand gesture to explain how gay he is, right at the top)
Woman B: the top of gays, i dont belieeeeve eeet
Woman A: eets true, hee so gayyy hee top of dee gayyyss (another hand gesture to reconfirm how top is top)

... and on it went until Woman B understood.

During a particular week I decided to stay at my friend's house up near the everglades. Although it was fun spending time with his family and being a child again playing with his boys, little did I realize he lives away from everywhere and without a car you can't do a lot ... including grocery shopping. The nearest place to buy food was a subway 45 min walk away, so I used to go there and order 5 footlongs to store in the fridge and live off that for each meal (side note: not a good thing to do, don't be inspired by this). The walk to subway was a rather dangerous one as most places in the US aren't designed for pedestrians nor their safety in mind. Subway was at a truck stop and the journey consisted of marshlands and trying not to die ... mainly by avoiding huge trucks from running you over. It was best to set off on this adventure in daylight, however one night I was very hungry and decided to make the trek in darkness. I had a little keyring torch which I used to help guide me through the marshland and avoid vehicles from killing me .... and then baaang, I'd walked straight into a lamppost at full speed and my torch flew out of my hand into the forest. Oh no ... I needed this light to be able to get anywhere, so I was on hands and knees for half an hour rummaging through tall grass. I wonder what it looked like as vehicles past by, because whenever headlights would approach me I'd just pause like a deer in headlights ... maybe they thought the council put up a statue of a squatting asian chap and didn't look twice. Eventually I found my torch and continued on the trek ... and made it, all limbs intact, returning with grocery bags full of footlongs.

The family employ a cleaner every couple of weeks. I thought it was the same cleaner they had in their old house the previous year and I recalled an incident then so decided to try a little experiment. I won't describe the details here because of who may be reading, but let's just say the experiment went wrong (involved naturism) and I may have ... just may have ... upset the cleaner. But all was Ok in the end as I built rapport later on, fully clothed, and discovered she's from Japan and when I said I want to go there she told me to go and stay with her family .... I mentioned this was a rather strange thing to say and she said "nah my parents are used to strangers appearing on their doorstep, I send many people their way ... just go" ... I may do this.

On my last day with the family I was building a rocket with Adam who is 6 years old. I was asking him about his life in school and then asked "who is your best friend?" ... he looked towards the floor and pointed towards me .... awwwwwww, it was worth living in the everglades to spend some time with my little bro.

It was time to leave Miami for a few days and venture out to Tampa. I went there for a business meeting and travelled via MegaBus for $7 ... bargain. I don't know how MegaBus make money as they promote their journeys as $1 + taxes for long-distance.

After the 4 hour journey I landed in Tampa and had to find the hostel I'd booked. It was the only hostel in Tampa and was situated in a dodgy neighbourhood. I didn't realize at the time that it would have been wiser to get a taxi ... or at the very least walk on the main streets. But no, Google Maps had be going into the slums and side streets rolling my suitcase behind me and walking by gangs and people who were shouting abuse along the lines of "look at me again and I gonna f^ck u up" .... I was happy tho, I see everything as an adventure and a challenge now so I was ready to bring it and make the f^cker-upper a f^ckee ... as long as my suitcase full of expensive goodies was protected.

Although we weren't in a great neighbourhood, this hostel was amazing because of the homely feel to it ... possibly the best I've stayed in throughout the world. When I checked in I went to the supermarket with Amy, a local who was staying in the hostel. Her car was barely roadworthy and she was telling me all the stories of what happens in the slums here, in her back seat a bra, 1 shoe, baby sock and random items ... stolen car stereo, etc. It was a great experience of the suburbs of Tampa. I met some fantastic travellers in this place and we all bonded well and cooked together and ate together and laughed together. I used to make curry for people and word got out, so new travellers came up and said "I hear u make great curry, let's do it again tonight". The nights were rather cold compared to Miami but there was a jacuzzi and an outdoor shower with super hot water ... this was wonderful to use. Surprisingly the majority of visitors to this place were Germans ... and attractive Germans ... so late night hottub adventures were definitely a great way to end the day.

After an afternoon in Ybor City with a smelly-bearded-prostitute-loving guy who snored so loud another traveller had tried to beat him up and flung him out of his bed by his feet, it was time for MegaBus back home.

Did I say home? I meant back to Miami. And I was glad to return to Miami Beach .... everything at my fingertips, and most importantly, Wholefoods (and Lesbian Yoga). There was a big fayre on Ocean Drive this weekend also, loads of people, loads of food stalls and more fun times. I arrived when the fayre was closing and the food stalls were packing up. I'd only just ate dinner but when I see fayre food I gotta eat. Most places were no longer serving food but there was a stall left who was trying to offload the last of their seafood. Standard cost was $10 for a small plate, but this guy just emptied everything he had onto a plate that could feed a family of 6 and offered it for $5 ... bargain. I was in 2 minds as to whether I should take it or not ... "Only $5, take it now, 1st come, $5" ... I exchanged glances with him, then got shy and turned away, then looked out the corner of my eye until I plucked up the courage to go and take it. I walked towards him, then got shy and pretended I was reading the menu and walked off casually ... then decided "no, man up, u can do this" ... so I was definitely going to go for the plate .. "$5, $5, who wants it, feed your family, $4 ... $3" damn I gotta take the plate. I walked straight up to him with both arms held out ... "hello, can I take it?" in my mouse voice ... there'd be no confusion this time ... I'm coming in for the plate. As I get 50cm away from the plate another drunk guy storms past and grabs it from his hand "Yeah dude, Im takin it for $3, check this out boys, woohooo" .... Noooooooooo, motherf#@$"@ %!!^&* Noooooooo ..... I turned around and walked home, head hanging low in sadness ... mainly shame.

I was happy again the following day as I realized I'd be catching up with a girl I'd met at Rio Carnival the year before who happened to be in Miami for a few days and staying not too far from me. We talked and laughed a lot generally so I knew it would be a fun couple of days ... and it was ... nice memory to end my holiday.

Oh wait ... it wasn't the end of the holiday ... Miami was mainly business ... the real holiday was about to begin ... whoop whoop !!!!

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